


A Terrible Feeling

by approximately



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death Fix, Fix-It, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Other, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-01-07 22:20:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 47,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21225143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/approximately/pseuds/approximately
Summary: You ever felt like Envy deserved better?





	1. A Fullmetal Crush

The Fullmetal brat seemed off. Not only did he not notice them coming, he didn’t seem aware of his surroundings at all.  
They probably could have killed him easily. Not that they wanted to, but they could have.

Ed was propped up against what probably had been a brick wall a couple of centuries ago, seemingly lost in thought.  
In itself, that wasn’t really what was weird about the situation, weird was the part where he didn’t even seem to hear Envy coming.

Usually the kid was really very agile and, dare one say, maybe even faster than they were?  
Envy crouched down behind a surprisingly convenient bush, watching the Alchemist through the leaves.  
What on earth was he doing? They were just supposed to check up on him, and Envy figured that staying out of the way counted, as long as they could see him.

It wasn’t particularly fun, though. That they had to admit rather quickly.  
The shrimp wasn’t doing anything at all. The most he did in just over fifteen minutes was picking up a pebble that had been lying next to him and throwing it.

"The fuck are you doing, pipsqueak?“ Envy asked while getting back up, absolutely unable to take the boredom any longer.  
Ed flinched and jumped to his feet, immediately assuming a defensive position.

"Not here to fight, bean, just here to make sure you’re alive after what happened at Central yesterday.“  
Edward picked up another pebble and hurled it at them. Envy ducked their head and cursed under their breath.  
"What was that for, you little bitch? I literally just said I did not come to fight!“

"For calling me a bean, once again. And „little“ just now. And the seven times before that. You are barely even taller than I am!“

Envy rolled their eyes. Of course, yeah. How could they forget. Also, still quite the memory.

"Okay, sheesh. Calm down, Fullmetal Alchemist.“  
„What happened at Central?“

Envy raised an eyebrow, but Ed’s question seemed genuine.  
„Weren’t you there? Someone, and let me add this before you throw shit again, it wasn’t me, blew up parts of the main military building. I don’t think anyone even got hurt but I was still sent to look for you, isn’t that sweet?“  
Edward ignored them, surely knowing fully well that there was no sentiment behind it at all.  
What had happened to make him so quiet, though? Envy sauntered a little closer, slowly, as to not provoke another pebble throwing incident.

"So quiet today, aren’t you, Ed? What’s up with that?“  
Edward threw them an angry glance. „Why would I even think about telling you?“

"Oof.“ Envy placed a hand over their chest. „I thought we were having a moment here, with me, regularly coming to check on your health anyway.“

"Honestly, you’ve seen that I’m alive, your mission is over, fucking leave already!“  
But that just stirred Envy on. Now they were interested. What was it that had gotten the shrimp so lost in thought to the point that he didn’t even notice them coming and then got so agitated so quickly? They hadn’t even been trying to sneak up on him at all, they had just walked straight at him and just decided last minute to maybe wait it out just a little to see what Ed was up to.

"And why would I do that now that this is so interesting?“

Ed straightened his spine and stepped towards them.  
"Fucking. Leave.“

"What happened? I gotta stay up to date with the Alchemy gossip.“

"This isn’t about Alchemy!“  
Envy grinned."There we go, that’s the right direction.“

"Fuck off,“ Ed turned his back to them.  
Envy’s grin froze. What made the Fullmetal brat think he could safely turn his back? To them? In a split second they were behind him and tapped a finger against his neck.  
"You sure you want to do that? I could kill you, you know? Your guard was down earlier, as well.“

Ed shrugged. „It’s not like you were allowed to kill me, so why would I care.“  
Envy moved around Edward so they were face to face once again, this time, swiftly turning his index and middle fingers to a blade, they traced it down Ed’s neck.

"There’s a lot that comes before death. You humans are fun like that.“ they whispered. „You know, only death is off limits. As long as you’re breathing, you’re fit as a sacrifice. You don’t even need all of these remaining limbs to sur—“  
They were cut off when Edward slammed his automail knee into Envy’s side.  
They stumbled backwards and so did Ed, probably surprised by the impact.

"Now, you really went and did it, fucking shrimp,“ Envy hissed.  
Edward didn’t seem to care, he didn’t even seemed scared at all and it infuriated Envy to no end.  
How dare he not even consider them a threat just because killing the Elric brothers was technically off-limits?  
They could still act on their own behalf!  
They could chose to ignore orders!  
And even if they followed the orders, they could still do so much more that didn’t involve killing.

With one single, flowing movement they raised a fist, let it collide with Ed’s temple, and instead of just watching him fall, they jumped right after him to pin him down, but made sure that none of their weight was actually on the shrimp. Would probably crush his tiny body anyway.  
They wanted to say something witty, something about how fighting Ed wasn’t much of a match, how the homunculi didn’t actually have to follow orders and could technically still kill him if they wanted to, but they couldn’t.  
The brat had his eyes fixed on theirs, not moving an inch. Hell, he wasn’t even fighting back anymore.

Envy smacked his temple again, almost gently. All of their anger just… drained out of them, like someone had pulled the plug.  
"That all you got?“  
"What do you want, Envy?“

It didn’t even sound like a question, the kid just seemed burned out. And they remembered that they, actually, weren’t here to fight either.  
"What happened? Why weren’t you at Central? Why are you like—“ they gestured towards him "this, now?“

The shrimp rolled his eyes.  
"Okay, mum, listen. I was out because Al and I were free, but we got into a massive argument and now I don’t feel like just going back to Central and having to look at his face.“  
"He doesn’t even have a face.“  
"He can still look at me like I’m trash.“Envy cocked their head to the side. Al clearly didn’t think his brother was trash, but they weren’t there to tell anyone otherwise. They got off of Ed and kneeled down next to him. Ed didn’t even attempt to sit up, he just stared into the sky.

"And now you’re here.“, Ed muttered.That sounded awfully like these two things were interconnected, but Envy hadn’t seen either of the brothers in days. There was no foul play to make them fight, no Envy business at all.  
"Funny how you humans get into human-on-human fights and then blame it on homunculi.“  
"It wasn’t because of you.“  
So why tell them, then? Envy was at the end of their wits. They sat down next to Ed and stared at him, irritated to no end.  
"It was about you.“

"Oh?“ They stretched out a leg and leaned forward slightly. „Why would you fight about me?“  
Now, this was really interesting. Their day was saved.

"I told him about how we worked together to get out of the void and how, technically, even though you fucked me over, you were probably a good source to talk to about that whole homunculi game plan.“  
They giggled. "Honestly, your brother was right to disagree, why would I tell you about that?“

"Because I don’t think you actually want to be part of it.“  
Envy was flustered and, for once, nothing they could say came to mind.

"Wha-What makes you think that?“ Their voice sounded nothing like they had hoped it would, especially after forming the question in their mind it had taken five seconds to say it at all. They just sounded like Ed was right.  
Edward sat up and shrugged."Fuck if I know.“ He looked over at them, and there was something in his eyes that Envy wasn’t so sure that they liked. Could have been pity. They didn’t want pity at all.

"You just seemed-“ Ed trailed off, looking away again. "-I don’t know. Like a decent person... inside. At some point I was thinking about asking you to train with us.“  
Envy shook their head, quickly, as if they hoped to shake away the words.

"I’m not even a person to begin with.“ "Yeah? For homunculi not having feelings you sure do to seem to have quite a lot of them.“ "I do not.“ Envy couldn’t quite get their voice to reach their usual low tones. They could have fucking smacked themselves. Why were they like this? It really was time to change the topic.

"So your brother and you fought about… if it would be a good decision to ask Envy to spar? How flattering.“  
Ed looked away so abruptly that Envy felt like that was definitely the direction they wanted to go in. Why did the Fullmetal brat suddenly think of them so highly anyway? What was up with that? "Now, why would you want to do that? You have so many people at Central that could train you. Even the Flame Alchemist loves you.“

"Roy? Oh I’m sure he has better things to do.“ "So do I.“  
Ed looked back at them.

"Then why are you here?“"To find out about what happened, I told you.“"And you did. Congratulations to you, Envy, you can literally go.“  
Envy studied Ed’s expression. There really was something off about it but they couldn’t quite pinpoint it.

* * *

Edward stared at Envy. Such a pretty face, wasted on such an asshole. He still couldn’t sleep without seeing Envy’s other form from the void in his dreams.  
Hell, he could barely close his eyes without it haunting him. And on the rare occasions that it didn’t, Envy in his normal form did. What had happened to make him take that fucked up confession and still think that somehow, Envy didn’t enjoy what they had done?

Envy’s eyes were glued on his and they seemed to be thinking hard about something.  
Hazy purple with tiny, cat like slits in the middle. Would they expand in the dark? He didn’t know. He would be interested to find out, but what kind of a question would that be. Envy’s expression had softened generally, they seemed slightly sympathetic to Edwards cause, actually.

That just proved him right though, and he had honestly wished that Envy would just absolutely flip out and try to kill him. But here they were, once again, not really being enemies at all but talking like friends. In fact, they were bickering like friends. Or maybe lovers, but he should really get that out of his head before — well, and there it was — that familiar stinging in his cheeks.

He had preferred the nightmares.  
Ed snapped out of it and turned his head away in hopes that Envy hadn’t seen.

* * *

But of course Envy had seen. They raised an eyebrow.  
Did the Fullmetal brat just blush after staring at them for too long?  
Was that what had brought up all of this?

Oh, this was glorious.

They got up, took exactly one step towards Ed, so they were standing right in front of him, and kneeled back down.  
"Hey, Ed.“  
Edward didn’t move.

Envy reached out, and turned Ed’s face around, two fingers on his jaw, so he had to look at him.  
"Care to tell me more about—“ they nodded in the general direction of the brats face "— this?“

Ed tried to turn his head away again, but Envy didn’t let go.  
"Well, well.“

They inched closer. This was even better than anything they could have imagined when trying to figure the kid out. Ed’s breathing hitched.  
"A Fullmetal crush? On Envy?“

Ed stirred slightly, but didn’t really fight them at all.  
Envy let go and leaned back, smiling when they could only explain that new look on Eds face as slight disappointment.

"A reasonable sentiment.“  
They had never taken into consideration how cute the shrimp Alchemist actually was. Even the fact that he was small was endearing, somehow. Maybe it just made them feel better about themselves though.  
Ed had turned his face away once again, and if Envy hadn’t known better they’d have said that he was in pain.

But this was fun, it was, in a way, better than actually hurting him to get a reaction.  
"So, say, Edward Elric, would you like me to do anything about this?“The shrimp looked like he literally was about to die and it felt like a new philosophers stone all over. So much energy radiating off of that. Envy loved it.  
"No.“ Edward muttered.

"Are you—“ Envy dropped down on their knees and placed their hands beside the shrimps hips so they could move almost over him "— absolutely certain there?“  
Another hitch in the kids breath. Envy had to hold back a shiver there. How had they not known that this was something they wanted? They probably could have gotten the Shrimp to where he was now way earlier. Envy lowered their upper body down until their lips were just inches away from the goosebumpy skin on his neck.  
Edward stayed quiet, apart from the audible little hitching in his breathing.

"Shame.“ They whispered and now it seemed like it was Edwards turn to try and hold back shiver. Envy tried to save this memory somewhere special in hopes of being able to access it later.  
They pulled back and Ed looked at them accusingly."What?“ Envy smirked and got up.  
"Look, I hope you work this thing out with your brother. In the meantime, I’ll be… happy to spar.“

And with that, Envy left.


	2. A Conversation

They actually didn’t see each other for the better part of a month. Envy had been busy hunting down other people for father. Ridiculous, really, that title.  
Ed had made him think about it more often than not, even though Envy was sure it hadn’t been on purpose. 

Were they really not interested in the plan?  
It was, after all, the only thing they had done their entire life. Had it been pointless? 

Envy looked up at the bright blue sky. The sun was shining, they heard a couple of kids playing in the street.  
They hoped that one day, they would understand themselves.  
What was it that they wanted?  
Edward had pitied them. For what exactly? Hating humans? Not… hating humans?  
Envy wasn’t even sure how they felt. They certainly didn’t hate every human. Edward was an interesting exception.  
He was everything they were not. He was ambitious and optimistic, he had everything he could need, even after having lost so much. 

It made Envy feel slightly warm and fuzzy inside and a bit nauseous, all at the same time.  
They imagined the opposite. Ed’s face, twisted in pain, his brother dead, the homunculi’s plan a success.  
They didn’t feel any better. The nauseous feeling shifted slightly, as if to a different kind of nausea. The warm and fuzzy feeling left entirely. So that was worse, then?  
Seeing Edward happy made them feel sick, seeing Edward sad made them… even sicker. 

What was wrong with them?  
Hadn’t they pitied humans for all of their conflicting emotions for the better part of their, frankly pretty long, life? 

They decided it was probably nothing they could change by thinking about it, even if that absolutely hadn’t stopped them from thinking about it before.  
They had come to that same conclusion multiple times now. They decided to see if Edward was in his hotel room in Central. 

It was the only way they could talk to him no strings attached. Just… outside of all things plan related. Not thinking of him as a human sacrifice but just as… a human.  
See if they actually hated it. See if they actually wanted that for themselves. Their feet had walked that same path so often that they didn’t even need to think about it. The military base in central was their home, after all. 

All rooms were accessible when you could shapeshift. You just had to make sure that nobody caught you actually shapeshifting.  
Or that the person you are impersonating doesn’t run into you. For the time being, Sheshka was the best idea. She would have left the military base early since it was a Saturday and her shift wasn’t quite as long.  
Apparently they were being very humane humans and giving her enough spare time to rest her, probably really very tired, hands. Envy had looked through what it was she was writing before, but hadn’t really seen the point of any of it. They weren’t even sure if she had, to be honest.  
She just seemed to be writing something she had read somewhere else, because there was no way she was making all of that weird shit up on the spot. Then again, it really was weird to remember all of that by heart as well. Envy shrugged the thought off. Sheshka really wasn’t a priority to them or anyone, really. One brief, red flash later, they weren’t a priority to anyone, either. Not like they really were before. But now, definitely not.

Edwards usual room seemed quiet.  
Envy didn’t dare stand in front of it for too long though, the chance of running into someone in the hallways was always quite high, since it was such a big building and all of the rooms to either side of the corridor were bedrooms as well.  
They knocked on the door, admittedly feeling a little anxious. What on earth were they going to say? "Hey Edo, I need to talk feelings“? What WAS that. Envy didn’t „Talk feelings“. Envy taunted, played, joked and maybe fought, if need be. Then again, maybe they didn’t really need to talk feelings at all, since the shrimp didn’t open the door.  
They knocked again, annoyed. Was Ed just not home? 

"Sheshka, it’s my free day!! What is it?“  
Envy grinned. Right, of course. 

"I’ll think about telling you about our plan if you let me in.“ They let their voice drop down low enough to be quiet, just loud enough to be heard by Ed.  
"What pl—“ he heard Ed start, but immediately shut up and open the door, eyeing them suspiciously. 

Envy winked at them.  
Ed pulled them inside at the wrist and slammed the door shut behind them.

"What on earth do you think you’re doing?“ Envy could tell Ed struggled to keep his voice down.  
They changed back to their preferred form in a wave of red sparks. 

"Visiting you, Fullmetal shrimp.“  
"Why on earth would you be visiting me specifically to talk to me about the plan you did not want to talk to me about?" Ed seemed to honestly consider what Envy had said, but still seemed like his cynical self. 

Envy was glad. That made things less awkward. Also, technically speaking, Ed was right, they didn't actually want to talk about the plan at all, but there had been little else that they could have said that would have made Ed open the door.  
"If you don't want me to, I can fuck right off." Envy shrugged and cast a glance at the door that Ed had closed behind them. 

"No, obviously I want to hear about the plan, I'm just curious as to why you decided that you did, in fact, want to speak to me about it, when just a month ago, you broke a promise just so you didn't have to speak about it." Now Ed seemed less pissed but genuinely curious. Also a look. 

They shrugged again, suddenly unsure if they actually wanted to tell Ed about having thought about what he had said.  
Was it even worth it? The humiliation? Was it going to be humiliating? Would Edward be understanding? He seemed to be, earlier. But that kind of made it worse, actually. 

They sauntered over to the windowsill and plopped down onto the marble. It seemed more stable than one of the puny wooden chairs. No need to cause a scene and break furniture right now.  
Envy had hoped that changing their location and sitting down would buy them enough time to think about their next step, but it didn't really help at all. 

Edward had followed them as well, now standing at their side, seemingly ready to kick them out of the fucking window any second.  
"Look, I'm not here to fight. As usual. You should really know by now, Fullmetal sh- ... Alchemist." 

Ed cocked his head to the side. "Yet you did fight me time and time again, actually broke my arm the last time we fought and then had the nerve to literally try and eat me alive. What is this to you, a game?"  
"Pretty much, yeah." Envy admitted. 

There was no point in denying that they didn't actually care quite as much as people wanted them to. But that was the gist of it, right? People, as in humans, just wanted everyone to care, about all things, all the time. Homunculi were different. Very different, in fact. Envy didn't care if people cared about them or their motives. Not at all.  
Why were they defending themselves in their own mind? 

"Well then. Okay. Just tell me about the plan and then go? I feel like we've had this conversation before." Ed raised his hands up in the air, palms facing up. He seemed genuinely fed up.  
"You mean last time we spoke, where we were talking about how you had a bit of a crush on me?"  
The answer came slightly too fast to sound convincingly nonchalant. "I do not." 

Envy looked up at the shrimp. He stared back at them -- was that a pout? -- and seemed tangled in a mixture of teenage problems and actual, real life problems that might endanger an entire town. Adorable, really. It was way too easy to get his focus away from the topic at hand. And there they were, once again asking themselves if the kid had always been this cute and how they had never noticed. 

"Where did that come from?" they asked, genuinely curious. The shrimp was right, last time they met before their fateful talk they did break a couple of their bones and just about killed them.  
The kid thought about his answer and clearly failed to formulate a proper sentence.  
Envy waited it out, just because it was fun to see the shrimp squirm, but he eventually shrugged and sat down on the windowsill next to Envy.

"It is quite flattering, but as I said, also quite reasonable." they smirked and pulled their legs up on the windowsill to crouch down so they'd be able to crawl closer once again.  
"I am pretty hot. Not everyone gets to chose what they look like." And still Edward got to look like THAT. But Envy wasn't about to compliment him on his good lucks. Golden eyes or not. 

"Not everyone choses to start a war but you still did that, as well." Ed turned his head away.  
"Oh, but it doesn't seem to bother you much, does it now?" They pushed one of Edwards legs off the windowsill to move right in front of him.  
Somehow he still managed to look away as if the room had conveniently turned into something extremely exciting. 

"Did you even want to hear about the plan or did you just feel like having me over?"  
Ed scoffed, but didn't answer or turn his head. 

"You see, I might seem like I have all the answers, but I really am a bit confused about this. Let me ask again, did you want me to do anything about your little crush, or nah?""I don't have a--"  
"Just say the word and I'll do whatever you want me to." they whispered, cutting him off, thoroughly enjoying the fact that Edward forgot to fucking breathe for just about ten seconds.  
When he didn't answer for the next ten seconds either, Envy leaned in even closer, close enough to actually feel that Edward had resumed breathing. Soft huffs of air against their cheeks. A faint smell of apples, or some other fruit Envy couldn't quite put their finger on. 

"Come on. I'll make this perfect."  
Ed's eyes, that had been closed shut from the second Envy had leaned in, opened and jumped between theirs frantically. This seemed to be quite the struggle for him. Shame, really, shouldn't this be more tempting? Envy WANTED to be tempting.  
"What..." Ed began, nervously, "What did you want me to say?" 

"Oh, anything. Tell me what you want and I'll see what I can do about it." they made sure their voice stayed low enough for a husky rumble here and there, but Ed still clearly had managed to regain some, if not all of his composure. "Ugh!" he began, pushing a hand against Envy's shoulder. "Just get off of me already!" Ed huffed, trying to slide out under Envy. They moved back to actually let him go.  
Envy rolled their eyes and got up as well. "You can't decide, can you?" 

Edward threw him a glance that very clearly could have killed him, if glances could have killed anyone. "I'll be taking my leave. You know where to find me. Then again, maybe don't go there. Not every homunculus has a soft spot for you."  
Ed had turned his back to them, AGAIN. 

Envy felt a sort of chilly sensation in their chest. A small, cold puddle that slowly but surely would turn into a glacial waterfall, if they let it.  
It made them sick how people acted towards them, towards homunculi in general, but they made sure to not act on the urge of immediately strangling the shrimp to death. 

They clicked their tongue and let the door fall shut behind them as they left.  
That whole encounter had left them exactly where they had been before, just slightly more heated. Clearly the Fullmetal shrimp was fucking turned on whenever they got close enough, but was there even a way to make him act on it or would there always be an entire ocean of morals to cross? Was this the human experience? Just questioning your every move?  
Because in that case maybe both of them were human, they thought.

Envy made their way back to the sorry excuse of a home in the basement and flopped onto their bed. They stared at the ceiling for probably about an hour, their thoughts ranging from self loathing to genuine curiosity about Edward and back to self loathing. They had hoped to just drown out the thoughts by maybe napping for a bit but there was no use in even trying, they were more than awake.  
They reached one hand up as if to touch the ceiling, and looked at their fingers. All of the other homunculi had gotten away with a better end of the bargain.  
How on earth would "Envy" lead to anything productive? 

They were destructive in general, but while that in itself didn't bother them all that much, they were mostly self-destructive.  
They hated themselves with such a passion that they couldn't even put it into words.  
They hated themselves more than wrath could ever dream of hating anyone or anything. It put the sin of wrath to shame, really.  
Then again, maybe wrath's anger felt different. Maybe it was how people described being angry. Red, hot, flashing. 

Envy's anger wasn't like that at all. Envy's anger ate away at them whenever they turned their back.  
It froze their fingertips, crawled its way up their arms and into their throat, seeping into their lungs and making them cough and spit.  
It cooled down anything inside of them until they were just an abyss of cold liquid staring back at themselves in the mirror.  
It made it hard to even look in a mirror, really. One could argue that, yes, Envy did decide their appearance but it wasn't as easy as that. 

They knew anything other than their true forms was just a farce, an illusion, not real. Not them at all. A pretty mask they had stitched and pieced together, picked up in a hypothetical store of human faces.  
But even when they pretended that it was truly them, it didn't make them feel any better. What did a pretty face even look like? Like what they had chosen originally? What did others find pretty? Was it completely different? Others they thought were pretty looked completely different from what Envy looked like. 

They let their arm fall onto their stomach with a thud that sounded as hollow as they felt.  
Was that why they were so intrigued by Edward? Edward was glowing, burning, anything but hollow.  
He fought for his brother, for his friends... Edward had even fought to get them out of the void before.  
They hadn't thought anything about it at the time, but now that they turned and twisted the situation in their mind, they figured that Edward could have just left them there.  
They could, in fact, imagine exactly what they would have done in Edwards position. Use the philosopher's stone to open the gate, then exchange the remaining charge for his brother's body.  
He could have saved his brother, but he chose to honour his bargain with Envy and got them out of that void as well. 

Envy threw a punch at the concrete wall beside their bed. And another.  
A red flash. Pathetic, was two hits enough to break their skin? 

They felt a lump in their throat and wished for death.  
All that came to them was a quiet whimper, then a stifled sob. 

A burning stinging sensation, a few tears, another whimper. They threw caution to the wind and let themselves be the miserable, sobbing mess that they were.  
Envy couldn't quite catch enough air to breathe between the ragged sobs shaking them to their core.  
They slapped their own cheek, with enough force to cause another red flash.  
"Shut the fuck up." Envy hissed at themselves, letting their head hang in shame. 

But, as always, morning came, and with it the feeling of shame when they remembered their little breakdown at night. Envy had gone outside to get some of that crisp morning air, to hopefully sort them out again. To maybe rearrange at least parts of the mess inside of them.  
The air did no such thing for Envy.  
They walked the streets in silence, shapeshifting into passersby whenever they were out of sight. Humans they didn't know or care about. Humans that undoubtedly had an incredibly different life from them, just a few blocks down the street. A family to come home to, probably. Maybe some friends. Maybe a pet.  
Envy scoffed. Were they getting this soft after just thinking about the shrimp and his life for too long? If so, this was incredibly dangerous. They had managed to live their life for an astounding amount of time without getting re-made by father.  
The audacity, Envy thought. The audacity to just take a homunculus apart and piece them back together, with some added memories, if they were lucky. As if a body and a few sprinkled in memories made them the homunculi they were. Greed was nothing like he used to be. Envy was pretty damn sure that they weren't much like the past Envy, either. Or the ones before that, for that matter. Why on earth were they even working for father anymore? It wasn't like he was offering much in return at this point. Fathers plan didn't even have a spot for Envy. 

The fucking plan.

"Because I think you don't actually want to be a part of it."  
Ed's words echoed in their mind and Envy pressed their lips together. Ed had been right. How on earth was the shrimp able to pinpoint Envy's feelings before Envy had even done so themselves?  
How could he see right through them?  
They weren't sure if going back to Edward's place was the right path of action, here. Last time, initially they had wanted to talk to him and then ... had kind of forgotten why they had been there and instead, tried to seduce the shrimp. Fucking brilliant, they were. Envy rubbed their temples. No, going back really wasn't what they needed right now. They barely could admit to themselves that Edward might have been right about this, admitting it to him would be worse. They turned on their heels and went back inside. Not that there was anyone to talk to, really, but maybe father had some kind of job for them, once again. He usually did.  
And Envy's thought had been correct, all kinds of jobs had collected since they had last checked in with father.  
None of them seemed particularly fun, but they weren't supposed to be fun, were they? 

Envy just needed something to take the edge off of their thoughts and then, maybe they could go back to functioning normally.  
That was exactly what Envy did.  
A boring job here, some information gathering there.


	3. A Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Not even three weeks later, they looked through the scattered notes a little further until they found something that actually looked like fun.   
Dr. Marcoh had been spotted somewhere near the Briggs mountains? Now this was great. This was exactly what they had needed as a little pick-me-up. 

The little bitch had actually managed to escape, undoubtedly with Scar's help, but he had escaped nonetheless.   
It had made Envy look like an absolute idiot, especially since their only job back than had been to watch and feed the prisoners. Really, he shouldn't have been able to escape, but Envy had been careless.   
They wouldn't be this time. 

They picked up the note with the last group of people that the Doctor had been seen with and, with a nod towards father, left the building once again, this time headed for the military base.   
This would be so much easier than expected, they didn't even have to find Marcoh themselves. They would go on a little trip up north. A holiday away, one could say.  
Swiftly shapeshifting into a General they had met outside of Roy Mustangs office a while ago, Envy sauntered towards Wrath's room. 

They really had to stop themselves from running, they were that excited.   
This was what was supposed to get their heart rate up. Maybe they did want to be part of this, and they had just been on some kind of plateau.   
With a quiet snicker, they slid into Wrath's office after having a quick listen and deciding that it was empty, apart from Wrath himself. 

"Hiya, my dude." Envy went back to their preferred form the second they had closed the door behind them.   
"Think I could use your phone to call one of Kimblee's men? He seems to have some intel on Marcoh for me."   
Without actually waiting for Wrath to reply, which, to be fair, he probably wouldn't really have anyway, Envy sat down on the table and grabbed the phone. 

Sure enough, after pretending to be who father had noted would be best suited, he got through to Zampano, who told him that Marcoh was currently hiding in the Asbec Slums.   
"Thanks for telling me. I'll guarantee your safety once I'm there. Stay on the low until then." Envy muttered, struggling to contain the grin that was about to split their face. 

They hung up the phone with a satisfying clank and smiled.   
"This shit is actually starting to be real enjoyable." 

It took them quite a while to get to the Briggs mountains, and when they did, they quickly realised that they were walking right into a trap.   
Multiple traps, apparently, if what Marcoh had yelled at them had been true. Mines that reacted to homunculi? 

What kind of ridiculous-- 

Envy didn't have the time to think. They were thrown around, again and again.   
They gritted their teeth.

Now Marcoh had really outdone himself. They were going to kill him.   
They didn't even care about the plan and if Marcoh might have been valuable at some point. 

They just wanted to see that fucker writhe in pain for the humiliation.   
Two times they had been tricked by that stupid fucking Doctor. Two Times. 

Fool me once, Envy thought, bitterly, while letting their true form take over.

They were going to crush him. Slowly, if they could, but any way would work -- and when they were done, they were gonna kill that Zampano as well.   
Kimblee's men were just about as slick as Kimblee was himself. It made Envy sick to the stomach.   
They smacked their tail into the general direction of Marcoh and the rest of the scum that was Zampano and... Scar? 

To no avail, it seemed, because Scar had jumped away, basically right on top of their spine, only to use that weird Alchemy on them.   
Envy's vision blurred in blue sparks and they let their -- suddenly way too heavy -- body fall. Just for a moment, until the stone regenerated most of the damage. 

Their spine felt terrible. The pain radiated towards their head as well as all the way down to the tips of their claws.   
When they felt any semblance of okay, they let their tongue dart out to grab Marcoh directly. 

They'd deal with the others later, since they all were working together oh so well.   
Fucking scum.   
Those humans, forming weird alliances that they themselves didn't understand. Or honour, apparently, considering Zampano had been on their side just a few days ago. 

Marcoh, obviously, didn't get away in time.   
Watching him dangling from the tip of his tongue like a doll, Envy felt their anger wash away and turn into something slightly more twisted.   
Maybe they should actually stick to the plan and not kill him.   
They could do better than that.   
So much better.

"So, Marcoh, remember what I said about listening to us?" Envy began, brightly.   
Marcoh closed his eyes, not willing to talk to them at all.   
Envy brushed it off and continued.

"Did you forget? I was gonna destroy something you liked. For you, so that you'd learn not to pull shit like this." They pretended to think for a second. "Like this slum! I could also take some people back to Central and make a new stone, I guess..." Envy chimed.   
"NO!" Suddenly Marcoh seemed interested in speaking to them. Funny, how that worked. "You still make those? Stop! Let my people go immediately!"

Envy just looked at him. "What are you gonna do about it?" They let the corners of their giant mouth drag upwards.   
"I won't allow it!", the Doctor yelled, a mixture of fury and panic in his remaining eye. "Let my people go!"

"You won't allow it?" Envy chimed, then let their voice turn darker. "You really should just shut up now." They flicked a finger against Marcoh's face, satisfied with the result that was some blood and a couple of teeth hitting the pure white snow beneath them. This was their kind of aesthetic. 

"Besides... we can't let them go. We already kinda used them. For the stones, you know. You really were onto something there.", they added, giggling.   
They spotted some tears in the Doctor's eyes. Cute. After all that, he really had the nerve to cry about his own work. 

"Even the people that worked for me?"   
Envy would have shrugged, if the form had allowed it. "Yeah, didn't I tell you? My mistake, sorry, sorry. No use feeling bad about it though, it's your work after all! You should be proud, right?" They giggled, but were interrupted by Marcoh, who suddenly seemed to have a new plan. 

Interested, Envy locked their eyes with his. What was he gonna do now? Not like he could do much, really.   
"I know how to make philosophers stones. Better than anyone, really. But I also know how to destroy them." 

Envy was about to drop Marcoh when he saw him raise his hand, but it was too late. 

Tricked... again...   
They could hear their own voice screaming again, pathetic.

Couldn't even deal with humans. Not even such a small amount of them.  
The pain was too intense and their stone was already way too used up. 

They hated the thought, but they had to leave their body in their absolute least favourite form.   
Tiny, stubbly legs, giant eyes. Literally made for being poked and stepped on. 

They caught their breath and tried to dive into the snow, but Scar was faster. He picked them up and held them up higher to inspect them.   
"This little thing manipulated us all this time?" He asked and Envy felt their blood boil.

"Don't look at me!" they tried to yell, but no sound came out of their mouth, really. Voice must still be too fucked up from just then. Envy cursed themselves.   
The next days were not gonna be fun, especially not after none of these people seemed kind enough to either look away for long enough to let them escape or to just kill them. 

Nothing had worked, really. Not trying to get the body of that utter idiot, Yoki, not running, absolutely nothing.   
In the end, they had thrown them into this little glass jar and given them to Mei to take them to Xing. What exactly she was gonna do with them in Xing, they didn't know. 

They just knew that Xing was not the right destination. The sacrificial ritual was drawing near, and they hadn't quite ended things on the right foot with the shrimp yet, either! They couldn't just let him go and kill himself, could they?   
They had to at least speak to--   
Envy got thrown against the side of the jar as Mei came to a sudden halt after running for what seemed like hours. 

She was talking to some people who apparently were going to give her supplies to cross the desert with.   
For free. Just because she was a little girl, Envy suspected. 

Once again, it made them sick to their stomach. Humans really did decide what they wanted to fight for on the spot and then they forgot about it immediately. Some day, little girls were worth working for, other days, little girls were just another war casualty and nobody could care less. Envy didn't really understand where exactly it was that human loyalties were laying. But maybe this was their time exactly. Mei seemed shaken by all the support, exactly the right time to maybe get under her skin where they couldn't before.

"Would be a shame if the sacrificial ritual in Central worked out, yeah?" they began, but Mei didn't react.   
"Would be a shame if all these nice people died, wouldn't it? I mean, you don't really have to care now that you're leaving Amestris. But they do seem nice. They wanna help you and you plan on leaving them to die? Not sure if I expected that of you."  
Mei stared down at them. Did they see some tears welling up in the inner corner of her eyes there? 

Got it. Envy would have grinned, if their form would have allowed it.   
She actually did listen to them.   
Marvelous! 

She turned the people down, quickly, turned around right on her heels and ran back to Central.   
That really could not have been any easier, Envy thought and tried to hold on to the slippery glass floor beneath them while Mei seemed to reach new speeds with her running. 

Reaching Central's military base once again hadn't actually taken as long as it had taken Envy on their own, even if they hated to admit it. Mei had been incredibly fast, resting only when absolutely necessary (and sleeping on top of the jar so there was absolutely no way for them to roll it away from the inside.). 

To Envy's delight, they did run into some puppet corpses quite quickly though.   
Mei couldn't protect the glass jar and herself at the same time, and so Envy just happened to get out. 

The second that they were out of the jar was all they needed. 

They latched onto a puppet, consuming their entire energy in seconds, grabbing a second, a third and fourth in the next seconds.   
Mei seemed frozen in shock. 

Good, Envy thought. Fear me.

They were so sick and tired of being carried around in a glass by a little girl like some school project.   
Once they had absorbed enough energy to finally go back to their preferred form, they ran after Mei, who had regained her control over her body, fleeing as fast as she possibly could. Stupid little girl was too small to actually hit her with -- 

"What on earth are you--" began Envy as she flicked her Alchemy-Kunai into the floor and... broke it?

Both of them fell. 

Where exactly, Envy wasn't sure. They hadn't quite kept track of the path, they must have been somewhere above the white room?   
They landed with a sickening crack of their spine and a red flashing.   
Coughing out some of the dust they had blown everywhere, Envy got up on their knees, and eventually, on their feet. 

They were, in fact, in the white room as suspected.   
With them were not only Mei, but also the Pipsqueak, Roy Mustang, his girlfriend and, for some weird reason, Scar. Also, the Chimeras. Odd.


	4. A White Room

Mei immediately ran over to Scar, who began fussing over her.  
"What the fuck." They said. "Shouldn't you guys, you know, hate each other?"

Envy turned to Scar. "You know, Mustang killed a ton of your people."  
Scar shrugged. Another alliance? Envy rolled their eyes. Who cares, they thought.   
They would deal with them one by one. It hadn't worked so well last time, though, so maybe...

"So you're Envy?", Mustang began. "The homunculus that can shapeshift?"  
Envy grinned, pleased to no end. "Honestly, to think that you'd know about me? I'm flattered! I am. Nice to meet you, Flame Alchemist! But shoudn't you guys be fighting?" 

Mustang sighed. "We don't have time for your vulgar preferences."  
Envy raised a brow. "Vulgar? You're the ones starting wars, and killing each other all the time. Humans kill way more humans than homunculi ever could... You just love seeing each other doing stupid shit."

The Flame Alchemist actually nodded. "I can't say I don't enjoy watching people do stupid shit."  
Envy whistled through their teeth. "I bet." 

"But I prefer that to be homunculi."  
They pressed their lips together. Okay, sure. Everyone hated the homunculi, yeah, yeah. 

"Now answer something for me, here.", he added. "Who killed Maes Hughes?"  
They cast a quick glance around the room. Another alliance with Scar... this time with the shrimp and Mustang as well.   
That could actually end up being trouble. Better not risk anything right this second. 

"Wasn't that the chick you burned to death? Marina-something-something?" they offered.  
"It wasn't her." Mustang's voice was so dry, it could have caught fire itself, Envy was sure of it. 

They giggled. "What? So you killed an innocent girl? Tell me, how did you tell her family? Did you cry? Did they cry? That must have been glorious."   
Envy let out a deep breath. "Or did you not speak to them at all? Did y--" 

Mustang cut them off.   
"Shut up. Stop blabbing. I'm so tired of asking you homunculi the same question over and over again."

Envy was sick of being treated like this. So sick of it.   
"Fucking fine! I killed your friend, happy now? Sheesh!" 

"Nah, I don't think that's right either. You, pardon my french, seem like too much of an idiot to be able to kill someone as capable as Hughes."

They blinked. What the fuck? 

"Too much of an idiot?" Envy yelled. "Too much of an idiot? That's what your friend was, when he couldn't even hurt me--", they shapeshifted into Hughes wife to demonstrate their point, "-- in this form, even though he knew his wife was safe and sound at home. That's a fucking idiot for you!" 

Mustang went pale. It literally looked like all his blood had left his face.   
Envy let laughter shake their shoulders. Finally, he believed them!

"Leave him to me. You guys go ahead."

"You sure you can do this, all alone, Mustang?" Envy taunted.   
Apparently, the Flame Alchemist had picked himself up and put himself back together.  
"Sure. I'll start by burning that vile tongue right out of your mouth."   
And he did just that. With a quick snap of his fingers, their tongue was literally on fire. It burned the roof of their mouth, their throat, their nose and eyes. They coughed, the stone already repairing the worst of the damage.   
"What the fuck is wrong with--"

Snap.  
Again? Honestly. 

Envy wiped their mouth with the back of their hand and ran towards Mustang, actually angry now. Back to their original form, then.   
Mustang, however, didn't seem remotely impressed. In fact, he seemed happy.   
"I'll honour your sweet little friendship and actually fight you in this form! I can't promise to not hurt you, this form doesn't actually allow for subtle movement." Envy spat through gritted teeth.   
"Thanks for giving me more to work with, then! Let's go for the eyes this time, now that they're so large."

Fuck.   
Snap.  
He actually did.   
That HURT.

Envy fell on their side, ribs crashing into the tile like the side of a swaying ship into the coast. They felt their entire body spasm, unable to hold still even for a second to give the stone more chance to heal their eyes. 

Things went on like this for way too long. Eyes being burnt out, tongue being burnt out.   
They couldn't actually remember how their body felt when it was okay. Running hadn't quite worked either. They had ended up right back with Mustang, just a couple rooms further to the right.   
What a sick smile, Envy thought. Couldn't have done that any better themselves.

He snapped his fingers and turned the world off.  
There was only searing white. 

Envy could hear their own screaming voice crack, smelled their own skin and flesh burning.   
Agonising pain and an odd, high pitched noise that the flames seemed to make. 

Then, as fast as it had come, the fire had vanished.  
Flashes of red danced around them as their stone repaired the damage once again.   
Slowly, like there wasn’t much charge left.  
Envy watched the leathery remains of their skin turn pale and soft. They wanted to scream at their own skin. Stop. There’s no use in being soft. No use in being human.   
They were trapped inside.   
How often had they played this same song now?  
„Please— “ Envy began, but another snap cut them off. And another. And another.

White.  
Hot.

Their brain was foggy, there was nothing but pain.   
There were no words, no nothing to describe it.   
Burning to death once was just about the worst thing that could happen, burning to death multiple times in a row was beyond words, beyond feelings. 

White.  
Another snap.   
Their own screams ringing in their ears. 

Black.   
Nothingness.

A smack to the cheek. 

Envy opened their eyes. Had it been a nightmare?  
Roy Mustang smiled at him.  
„Rise and shine.“ 

Another snap. 

Back to white.  
Back to that smell.  
Back to—

A yelp in the distance. Or was it Envy’s own voice again, just hoarse from screaming?

Steps, another yell, some words they couldn’t quite make out.   
Small red flashes, crawling across their skin like tiny caterpillars. So slow.  
They could see again, the room was out of focus though. 

They didn’t really need to be able to focus to be able to spot Ed, though. Blond hair and black clothes.   
Envy took the moment in, thankful to be able to see foreign colours like these after their mind had been reduced to white for … Envy didn’t know how long for. 

Ed had apparently been there for a bit now, because he kept yelling at Mustang how he should finally stop. 

The ground felt surprisingly nice and cool against Envy’s cheek. They closed their eyes, trying to scan their body.   
Everything seemed to be intact. They could feel their weight pressing into the ground through their left side.   
Hipbone, ribs, shoulder, cheek.   
Their legs felt normal as well. 

The pain was just an echo that left them exhausted and unable to open their eyes again.   
It wasn’t comparable to anything Envy had felt before. They had run for miles, worked themselves to the bone, fought until they were almost dead but this was a new form of exhaustion.   
Envy didn’t want to open their eyes. Even if they did want to, they probably couldn’t have.   
Everything was so, so incredibly heavy. 

Their eyelids were heavy, like the ones they had seen in marble statues of gods. Their breath flowed heavy, like a thick fluid.   
Their chest felt heavy, like something was standing on top of them. 

There was no way to tell time and no way to wake up from this.  
They let themselves fall into whatever. Unconsciousness, insanity, death?


	5. A New Start

Voices seemed to flow around them, some closer, some further away.   
Steps, rattling and banging. Not necessarily unsettling, not much like the usual chatter Envy heard when they really concentrated on it.   
The philosophers stone was way too broken and empty to have any chatter left, really. No begging, no crying. Just outside voices. Voices, hushed, concerned. 

Warm blanket. 

Envy opened their eyes. Another white room, but not the same.   
It took a couple of seconds but they did eventually recognise the room as the military hospital. 

Why were they here? Was Mustang honestly waiting for them to heal properly since the next burn would have probably killed them? Just so they could be burned again?  
Envy looked at the window. They could probably get up, walk over there and just let themselves fall. It would most likely be enough.   
It did look like the third floor, or so. The outside was just clouds, a few trees and the horizon in the distance. 

„You’re awake.“   
Envy’s head snapped around. They hadn’t even noticed people in the room.

But „people“ might not have been the right description anyway.   
It was just the shrimp. They had never seen him look so beat up and tired.   
But still, there was a glow to him. He seemed happier. Envy blinked. No automail either. That meant that the kid had actually done it? 

„Are you okay?“ Ed’s voice sounded surprisingly concerned.   
So he hadn't brought them here to be tortured some more? How relieving. Absolutely nonsensical but relieving nonetheless. Even the shrimp should have stopped trying to fight for them now.

Envy raised a hand and looked at their fingers. No leathered skin and exposed bone.   
Soft flesh and pale skin had wrapped itself back around the mess that they undoubtedly still were on the inside.   
They flicked their wrist and shapeshifted their hand to a snakehead, then back again. Everything seemed to work, even though it was a little slow.

„I… think so.“ Envy muttered. Why was Edward Elric even with them?

„I’m sorry about… what happened. He flipped the fuck out. This wasn’t… this wasn’t how things were supposed to go.“ Ed began, slowly, as if he hadn’t had enough time to think about what he was going to say once Envy woke up. „Not that we had a plan but… Roy wasn’t… that wasn’t him.“ 

Envy just looked at Edward. They had nothing to say about Mustang. Really, he should have killed them, they did lose against him and they couldn’t even do anything about it. The battle had been completely one-sided. 

„I managed to drag him away with Riza and when I came back you were… actually I thought you were dead.“ 

Envy continued staring at Ed. There were no words for what had happened. 

„I, uh“ Ed seemed to feel more and more out of place. „I stayed here so he wouldn’t come back, and quite frankly, I don’t think it’s safe to stay, so whenever you feel ready to get up, I could get you out of here.“

„And then where?“ Envy felt a bitter laugh spilling out of them like a sickness that had been festering inside them for too long. They didn’t have anywhere. If Edward had his arm back, it meant father was dead. It meant all of the other Homunculi were dead. Wait. Greed had been on Edwards side.

„Where’s Greed?“ They added, quickly, before Edward could answer their initial question.  
He pressed his lips together. „Greed is… Greed is gone.“   
There was no need for him to actually say it, Envy had known once Edwards face had dropped.

Then there really was nowhere left.   
Envy could hardly recall the last time they'd seen the shrimp - when they'd been trying to seduce him. Now that seemed far away and like a really weird, faded memory.   
Literally anything seemed more important, but also, equally far away, if not further. Probably further, considering that anything they ever deemed important had been wiped from the face of the earth like dust. 

"I was thinking I could take you home." Ed admitted, his voice just barely more than a whisper. 

Envy would have laughed out loud, if they hadn't been so shocked.   
"You what?" They stared at Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist that had gone from snow white to beet red in a matter of seconds. 

"I'm not a pet." Envy added, suspiciously. This couldn't be about a crush, this wasn't what a crush did to humans, was it? 

"Of course you aren't, but I'm genuinely worried about your ass and I think you'll get killed if you stay here and people won't come looking for you at my place." Ed added, earnest. "Honestly, I don't want to beg you, but please. Please, just come. I wouldn't forgive myself if I dropped this, left you and then found out you were killed.""Why do you care?" Envy still wasn't sure they really wanted to just... go "home" with Edward Elric. Did that mean eating lunch with his little brother? That really wasn't exactly where they were gonna go with their life. Then again, where they were actually gonna go wasn't a thing anymore. 

"I just care, okay? We had this talk. I did tell you I liked you already. This is honestly not the time for this. I'm embarrassed but not embarrassed enough to let you die over it." Ed seemed genuine. Envy was speechless. 

They turned their head away and looked out of the window for another couple of seconds. 

"Okay." they said, so quietly that they couldn't actually be sure Ed had heard. "I'll come with you.“. If shit hits the fan I guess I can still fling myself out of any other window and go die then, they thought.

Ed smiled and held a hand out for them.   
Envy grabbed Ed's hand and nearly pulled him into the bed with them because they had forgotten that this wasn't Greed or anyone who was ready for that kind of weight. 

"Whoops.", they added and got up themselves, pretending to let Ed pull them up.  
"Sorry.", Ed said, a hint of his usual tone back in his voice. 

"How's the new hand?", Envy asked, struggling to shapeshift into Winry for an easier journey.   
Ed made a face. "Really, Winry? This is the weirdest crush I've ever had."

They scoffed. "You like her as well? Wow, Greed had nothing on ya."   
It did still kind of hurt. There they were, thinking that they were kinda special to Ed, but whatever. This was still better than anything they could have previously gotten their hands on.   
Ed threw them a quick smile. "No need to be jealous.“

"I'm not--", they began, but realised that this was Ed, who had proven to actually understand their emotions. They closed their mouth again like some stupid fish. Pathetic, but they had already hit rock bottom, so there really wasn't a way down unless they started digging. Which, knowing themselves, they probably actually could.   
The shrimp grabbed their wrist and pulled them outside. "I wouldn't have come back for you if I would rather be with her."   
That made sense, but that dull ache still didn't quite leave their chest. Then again, had it ever?"You... came back because you wanted to... be with me?" Envy asked, genuinely surprised and, for once, without even a hint of mockery. 

"I--" Ed seemed flustered. "Just didn’t want you to die." He let go of them.  
Even though Envy was pretty sure that this had been a white lie, the dull ache kind of spread down into their stomach and up into their throat. This wasn't the time to go soft, they told themselves.   
Just get yourself out of here, Envy. This is the golden ticket. Afterwards you can do whatever. Even kill yourself if you really want to, but don't decide on that just now. 

"That's a nice sentiment. You humans are just too sweet sometimes.", they said, sarcasm dripping from every word, even though they kind of did mean what they said. They would have usually added that it was making them sick, but that was so far from the truth, that Envy couldn't even have lied about it. Their entire body felt weirdly light, which was impressive, and maybe they actually felt a bit queasy. In a ... good way? Maybe. 

"I was wondering if you'd be human too, now that your "father" died." Edward muttered.   
Envy eyed him, sceptically. "What? Why would I be human?" 

"You were "his sin", right? You're... not really, anymore, I guess?" 

"Of course I still am. I'm the sin that is the only part that's left of him, that's all." Envy would have pointed out their Ouroboros marking, but since they were in Winry's form it wouldn't show up, they would have to shift back and they didn't want to risk anything, even if they hadn't passed anyone in the hospital so far and they were almost at the exit anyway. 

As if they had tempted fate with the thought, someone greeted Ed, and Envy's heart skipped a beat, but the person didn't stay to talk, they just continued on.   
Edward quickly pulled Envy out of the hospital and whistled for a cab. 

Envy hadn't ever done that themselves, they usually had shifted into someone that owned a car and just grabbed their keys, but this was so weirdly human and normal that it filled them with some kind of oddly specific joy, as if riding a taxi like a normal human was something they had dreamed of.   
A taxi came to a stop right in front of them and Ed opened the door for Envy. They threw him a quick glance because this did kind of feel like a weird trap.   
But whatever, there was nothing left to lose at all. 

Envy got in, sat down, pulled their skirt back over their thighs - maybe Winry had been a worse idea than they had thought - and looked at Ed, who sat down next to them, with a warm smile.   
Crazy how, only a few months earlier, Ed had been too flustered to even look them in the eye, and now he was treating them like a hurt child. Envy couldn't say that they entirely hated either of those looks on Ed's face. Even though they hated pity, they didn't exactly feel like what they saw in those eyes was that. It was more of a empathetic, maybe compassionate expression.   
Friendly, mostly. Hard to put a finger on, either way. 

Envy turned away, unsure of what to say, and stared out of the window, while Ed gave instructions to the driver.   
Envy tried to arrange the thoughts in their head, but the short ride in the taxi, that dropped them off about a quarter of an hour later, wasn't quite enough to do that. 

"What are we doing?" Envy asked, quietly, while following Edward out of the taxi.   
"Catching a train." Edward stated bluntly, walking over to a person working at the train station and buying two tickets. 

Envy suddenly felt a pinch of shame for not even owning any money.  
"Sorry about that." they muttered, looking at the tickets in Ed's hands. Ed seemed surprised. "Huh?" It took him a couple of seconds until he actually understood what Envy meant, since they weren't going to explain it any further. Apologising had been hard enough.

"It's fine!" the Alchemist seemed almost a little distraught. "Really, don't worry about it."

They made a point of not making eye contact while walking towards the right platform with Ed. They didn't say anything, either. Everything they said seemed wrong. This whole situation was weird. It was too weird. They chewed on their lower lip until a tiny spark of red right in front of their face reminded them to stop. 

"Look," Ed began, quietly when they had sat down on a bench to wait for the right train to arrive. "please just relax, I got this, okay? Being a State Alchemist for such a long time while not actually living your life and doing fun things saves a lot of money. It's okay." 

Envy looked up at Ed. This hadn't even been about the money for them, at least not anymore.   
This entire thing was wrong. It felt wrong. They shouldn't be going anywhere with Edward Elric.   
This had been fine when they were enemies, just playing.   
Right now, this was wrong. 

They were actually stopping Edward Elric from marrying his childhood sweetheart and living a happy life in the countryside.   
The thought made them sick. Finally, a feeling they could put their finger on. 

They turned their head and spent the rest of the time they had to wait for the train to arrive in absolute silence. If they were to speak to Ed about this new situation, they would do so in their own time, in their own body, or at least, their preferred form and certainly not as Winry Rockbell.


	6. A Sacred Space

When the train arrived, screeching loud enough to make the hairs on Envy's neck stick up almost as straight as Ed's unruly lock on his parting, both of them got up at the same time, awkwardly bumping their knees together, both pretending that they hadn't noticed.   
They sat down facing each other in a free cabin, but neither of them actually looked at the other, both had their eyes fixed on the train station outside, and when the train finally started to move, both of them watched the landscapes fly by.   
Neither of them spoke much during the entire three hours that the journey lasted, only occasionally giving the other a heads up when they were taking a bathroom break or going to get something to drink from the next wagon.   
The outside had changed drastically.   
Envy wasn't sure if they had been in this part of Amestris before, actually. 

The countryside wasn't usually where their jobs had been and for jobs that weren't close by they hadn't been fathers first choice anyway.   
Forests, trees and meadows rushed by, only interrupted by the ocasional river or a small house in the distance. The landscape was so calm that it was hard to believe that the Elric brothers had tried to transmute their own mother in a cottage like the ones that Envy had been seeing for the past hour. Then again, they couldn't be sure if they were about to enter another city and the rural area just connected central to wherever they were going.   
There was no urban area to come. 

The train came to a halt only two stations later and Ed got up, looking at Envy with something that resembled anxiety. They could relate.   
They didn't feel so hot about this either, but surely it was a bigger step for Edward, considering he was the one to take a homunculus (who had been in on a plan that would have killed him in the end just a few days prior) home.   
It felt a bit like Envy was violating sacred space, and they hadn't even set foot outside of the train yet.   
But they did, and the first thing they noticed, apart from Edwards questioning gaze, was the incredibly fresh air. Somehow it was even more crisp than the snowy winds in the Briggs mountains, but in an entirely different manner. 

"Wow." Envy said, and Edward seemed pleased. 

"It's pretty nice here, right?", he asked, a characteristical smirk plastered on his face for the first time this entire day.

"It... really is." They looked around. It was like they had gotten out of the train and stepped straight into a movie about ... Envy wasn't sure. Horses, maybe. Point was, it was pretty and smelled like grass and rain on soil and all the things that Central didn't smell like. 

"Al and I burned our house down and right now he's with Mei, so I actually rented a place of my own for the first time again. Let's hope it's nice as well." Edward stated so calmly that Envy nearly choked on their own spit.  
"You, uh, burned your house down with your brother?" 

"We kind of needed a fresh start after what happened."

Envy nodded. That made sense, even though it did seem like a pretty harsh decision. Very fitting of Edward, as well. Envy had more trouble with just leaving things behind like that, but they weren't going to admit that right that second. They did manage to bring themselves to say something else that had been on their mind, though.

"Thank you, Edo. You're doing this even though shit's incredibly uncomfortable for the both of us just because you're not sure if Mustang is gonna come back for my ass." 

Edward shrugged, the smirk turning into a warm smile. "It's literally fine, I already said you should stop worrying about it."  
"But I'm not worrying, I'm thanking you." Envy followed closely behind Ed, who had started to walk, probably in the direction of the house that he had rented. „So, thank you.“

"That must have been really hard to say." Ed teased, throwing a glance back at Envy.

They scoffed. "Why you... Just because I'm trying to be nice doesn't mean I have to be nice!"   
"You kind of do have to if you want a roof over your head tonight."

"What makes you think that I need your help with that?" Envy hissed, getting more agitated by the second.

Edward furrowed his brow, seemingly realising that he was actually treading on thin ice.   
"I know you don't. Sheesh. You can transform into just about anyone and stay at their place.“, he said, soothingly. 

They were gonna reply something snarky, until they noticed that Ed had actually agreed with them and had kind of complimented their skills. Feeling a little silly, they closed their mouth again.   
Al seemed to be rubbing off on Fullmetal, Envy thought. But it worked, they felt their anger melt away. 

"It's not actually that far away from the station.", Edward continued. How did he always know when just keeping up the conversation on his own was the right thing to do?   
"It's kind of selfish but I can actually use you around. I'm still getting used to not being able to use Alchemy for everything."

Envy raised a brow. "Why would you wanna get used to that? It's not like your Alchemy can run out like a philosopher's stone." 

Ed shook his head with a quiet laugh. "I don't have it anymore. I gave it up in exchange for Al's body." 

Envy stopped dead in their tracks, then took a few quicker steps forward so they were stood in front of the ... former? Alchemist.

"You did WHAT? You could have used a stone! There's so many of them!" Envy yelled. They didn't actually know why it made them so angry, but it did! It made them furious! Edward was an Alchemist, he couldn't just -- give up his Alchemy for someone else!   
Edward had stopped as well and looked into Envy's eyes, a stern look now washing over his features.

"I said I wouldn't use the stones for myself or Al. So I didn't." 

They clenched their hands into fists. How would Edward fight if something were to happen? 

"Why are you so stupid?!" , they lashed out, "You ... idiot shrimp!!"

"I'm not stupid. Al is my brother and it was my fault he didn't have a body in the first place. He deserved his body back just like you deserve not to be killed."   
Edward pressed his lips together into a thin line, then took a deep breath.   
"Also, I'm taller than you." 

Envy blinked. He was right. Ed was taller than them. When had that happened?  
Still, that didn't help with the matter at hand at all!   
Ed took a step to the side, walked past Envy and continued on his way. "Come on, Envy." They followed him with their eyes for a bit, then started walking after them, still shaken to the core.   
The house Ed had rented was pretty, as suspected. It was one single house on a hill, surrounded by nothing but meadows for as far as Envy could see. They climbed the hill, Envy trying their best not to sound too breathy by the time they reached the top. Their stone must be almost completely empty. They knew because they still weren’t fully healed. This should have taken a few minutes, max. Definitely not hours and especially not days. Their body ached.   
Ed looked at them, a slight shadow of concern in his eyes. 

„What are you looking at?“ Envy asked, hoping to piss Ed off enough that he would just ignore them.   
It didn’t work. Why was the shrimp so calm all of a sudden? It was like his anger had all been stored inside that stupid automail arm and was now gone along with it.   
A couple of red sparks caught Ed’s eye and he frowned. 

„Still regenerating from the fire? Are you in pain?“ 

Envy flinched. The shrimp knowing everything wasn’t fair.  
„Nah.“ They shrugged it off, but knew that Edward didn’t believe then for a second. 

„Let’s just chill for a bit, I still didn’t quite get the chance to get used to even having two arms.“   
They nodded. Doing nothing for a while sounded good. Like something they hadn’t really done in way too long. There had always been some problem to fix.   
Now the only problem Envy wanted to fix was Edward getting cold feet on them. And him having two hands capable of feeling this time was only a bonus. 

Edward unlocked the wooden door and looked around. The first room seemed to be a dining room. It had dark, wooden furniture and a couple of large paintings on the wall depicting vases with different flowers. It looked expensive, especially for a house in the middle of nowhere.

Envy whistled. „Fancy.“ 

„Imagine something like that in Central.“ Ed nodded towards the room. 

„Can’t.", they shrugged, "I’m already broke and I’m losing more money just thinking about it.“

Envy watched as Ed giggled. The shrimp was still cute. And actually came back for them. To bring them to a house on the countryside so they would be safe. Hell.  
They would have thought it was a joke if it wasn’t happening to them.   
Time to stop playing the damsel in distress. They might not be fully healed, but they were healed enough to finally get that shrimp where they wanted him. 

Edward said something about wanting to take a look around the other rooms, something about a porch as well. 

They shut him up by grabbing his wrist and turning him to face them, pushing the door shut behind them with their foot, all while dropping the Winry-act and returning to their favourite form.   
"Imagine bringing Envy back home with you and being more excited about furniture than them." 

Ed smiled at them nervously. „Uh, my bad." 

They stepped closer, now actually noticing that their height difference was about the same as before, it was just their roles that were switched. Truth be told, Envy could just make themselves a little taller, but they had chosen this height for a reason and they'd stick with it. For now. 

"I've been thinking about this since you shot me down last time, Edo." Envy looked up at him, watching the familiar blush creep onto Edwards face again. It suited him. What would his face look like, all caught up in pleasure? Would he bite his lips, would he whimper, would he scream? Envy knew how to enjoy a scream or two.   
"Changed your mind yet?" 

Edward took a step away from them and cleared his throat. "Uh, I hadn't really made up my mind back then, either.“ 

"Come on, Edo, you didn't just wait for me in the hospital, you got me out of there, and now you got me here. There's no use in pretending you don't actually like me that much. We're not kids." Envy cocked their head to the side, their eyes fixed on Ed's dilated pupils.

"I guess not..." Ed said slowly and Envy took another step forward so they were only separated by centimeters, again. 

"And you've been thinking exactly the same thing, I'll bet.", they leaned in a little closer. "Honestly, you were so shaky and scared last time. It was adorable." 

"I wasn't scared. Or shaking." Ed muttered accusingly. "Just surprised is all." He looked so uncomfortable, it was almost comical.

"You're shaking now." Envy pointed out, an evil grin on their lips. "Now, Edo, pray tell, have you been thinking about this?" 

Still, no answer. "Tell me and I'll just pick up where we left off, remember?", they let a hand trail down Ed's chest onto his stomach, "I'll make you feel good."   
His breathing hitched. How Envy had missed that sound. This times things were different though.


	7. A First

[Of course Ed had thought about it. In fact, he had been thinking about it more than he should have, it had lead to many uncomfortable dreams and ending with Al's giggling while he was sprinting for the bathroom in the morning time and time again.  
He really hadn't thought this one through. Where was he going with this? Obviously he couldn't have left Envy behind, but just inviting them into the flat that he had rented might have been a bit of a stretch.  
It still felt wrong, being into Envy. Everything about it felt wrong.  
He had felt bad for not actually giving Winry a proper reason for not returning right away, Al had surely told her something to ease her mind, but still. It was unfair, and he knew it. But he hadn't worked through this yet. Envy shouldn't make his heart skip beats, and yet they did. 

When these thoughts had crept up on him out of nowhere, he'd felt ashamed and he still wasn’t okay with them now.  
Envy had killed so, so many people. People that he loved, people that he didn't know well, people that he didn't know at all. They didn’t really seem to care.  
He hadn't spoken to anyone about it. 

Usually he'd have at least told Al, but he knew that this time, Al wouldn't have been on his side. He could almost hear his voice.  
"I don't like this, brother. Try to forget about it. Let's go home to Winry and just leave Central behind."  
He could almost see the look on Al's face. Changing from shock to disgust, then shifting to pity. There was no way he could have told him. There really was no way he could have told anybody. It wasn't like he had a crush on someone from work, which would have been uncomfortable enough. He had managed to somehow end up lusting after the enemy.  
And not just any enemy, it just had to be Envy. 

Envy, who, even though they had proven to actually feel emotions pretty much just like humans did, wasn't human. Envy who had killed Hughes. Envy who had laughed about it.  
Envy who was now looking at him through these intoxicating cat eyes.  
Was this truth showing him his place?  
Pushing him down into the the abyss? Envy's slender fingers trailed down his chest and Ed's vision blurred slightly. This was exactly what he had wanted, after every wet nightmare, every daydream.] 

Ed looked away.  
Got him, Envy thought.  
They let their voice drop lower. "Use your words, Fullmetal. I can't read your mind." 

"I..." Edward began, but stopped to suck in a shaky breath when Envy's fingers reached his belt, "have." 

"And here I was, wondering if you actually were just being worried about me in a friendly way." Envy grinned at him, slowly pushing him backwards until he hit the wall on the other side of the room. "Who would have thought you were twisted like this? Deciding against all you stand for... for this?“ 

[Ed felt his dick twitch in response to their words and cursed himself. Envy teasing him really should have the contrary effect. How was being pushed against a wall and talked down to good? He wasn't certain, but it sure as hell was good.]

Envy, enjoying the show, pushed a leg in between Ed's while leaning in and kissing Ed's neck. A quiet moan escaped him. Music to Envy's ears.  
They had been sure that Ed would be pretty vocal, but this was almost too easy.  
They left a trail of nibs and kisses down Ed's neck and began grinding their leg against his crotch. He was already hard. Envy snickered. 

"Come on, Edo, is it that good? I didn't even start yet!"  
Edward scoffed, already way too flustered and humiliated to defend his case. "Oh, just shut up for once, will you?" 

Envy playfully considered this for a couple of seconds before winking and muttering "As if" while getting back to work. They let their hand slide back up again and slip under Ed's shirt, experimentally feeling up his stomach. Ed's skin was soft, the muscle beneath it firm. Similar to Envy's own body, they guessed, just a little more defined. It made sense as well, considering all the fighting and training that Ed usually did while Envy slacked.  
They wondered what Ed would look like naked and aroused.

It really wouldn't be anything like that fateful time when they saw Ed in the shower with Al, Envy was sure.  
They looked up at Ed and studied his expression, clouded by lust. It sent a shiver down their spine and Envy tiptoed to kiss him.  
Ed flinched, but didn't break the kiss. Instead, Envy could feel a shaky hand travelling up their spine and coming to a, no less shaking, halt between their shoulder blades. 

It wasn't a very loving kiss as Envy was way too impatient for romance at this point.  
They had been waiting for literal months and the kid still didn't seem like he was gonna do anything without being pushed. They shoved Ed's tongue out of the way a couple of times when he tried to feel around their mouth. He really was inexperienced, but it would still be worth it.  
Envy pulled away.

"Think I can make you beg, shrimp?" 

"Wha-" Ed began, but Envy shut him up with another quick kiss before dropping down to their knees. They were pretty sure that they could. 

"Don't--", Ed added, breathless, "Don't you think we should maybe take this slow?" 

They ignored him for a second to feel along the, now pretty prominent, bulge in his pants. Rewarded with a broken little whimper, a smile crept onto Envy's face, but Ed also slid away to the side, still trying to get some air inside his lungs while taking another step backwards. 

Envy let them, studying the shaky figure that was the usually so hard-headed Alchemist. 

They placed a perfectly sweet smile on their face. "Are you fucking kidding me?" The words rolled off their lips, brightly, unusually friendly, as they got up onto their feet again. The wooden floor panel beneath them commented with a nasty creak. 

Ed chewed on his bottom lip. "You know, maybe we could go out for dinner first?"

That was what did it for Envy. It started with a quiet snicker, then went over to giggling and in the end laughter was shaking their entire body. A second later, they were back to a stern expression and quiet stares. "Edo. Get over here." 

[This really wasn't good. Edward swallowed hard, still looking over at Envy who was staring at him with those eyes again. A gleam of red, whenever the sun was just at the right angle and hitting their features in a way that cast shadow onto their eyes. Kinda scary, but mostly foreign and exciting. Still, he was way too awkward for actual bedroom action. Envy seemed to know exactly what they were doing and Ed sure as hell wasn't gonna make a fool of himself. Hell, he didn't even know where to put his hands, metal or not, in photographs, how would he determine where they go during anything remotely intimate?  
Also, he hadn't showered in a hot minute. The train ride had been pretty long. There was no way he'd just get naked after stepping inside, without even having a shower. Was he just making excuses now? Because Envy was closing the distance between them, slowly but very surely, hips swaying seductively. Ed had wondered on multiple previous occasions if Envy was doing it on purpose. Nobody was naturally that graceful, were they?  
His heart rate went up with every centimeter that went missing between them.  
"If you're not coming to me, I will be coming to you." Envy hissed. Or was it a whisper? It sounded as tempting as it sounded scary. Ed felt his cheeks burning and tried reciting the periodic table in his head. That had worked on occasion before but it was completely pointless now since he didn't even know where to start. It was like his mind had been wiped blank by a pair of strange lavender eyes and a graceful walk.]

Envy grabbed Ed by the collar and pulled his face down towards his own. "You're gonna tell me right now if you actually want me to stop or if you want me to keep going. I'm fucking tired of this game you’re playing." And Envy had been genuine as well, it was getting a) pretty hot in here and b) hard to tell if Ed was being a tease, just generally awkward or if he just didn't want this. Mixed messages really was his second name, wasn't it? But by the way his eyebrows were furrowing, Envy could tell that he was at least going to decide on something now. 

"Don't... stop." Edward mumbled, clearly struggling with even the thought of saying what he had just said out loud. 

Envy sighed. "Oh thank fuck.“ They let go of Edwards collar and let the hand trail down his chest again. „This is cute, though. You’re so torn between being a good boy and letting this happen.“ 

Edward shifted uncomfortably. „Don’t say it like that.“ 

But Envy just shrugged. „Fine. You know it’s true anyway.“ They grabbed Edwards hand. „Let’s go look at the other rooms at least until we found something comfortable. I’m not fucking you on a kitchen table. At least not for your first time, that’s just tasteless.“

„So you can tell.“ Ed mumbled, fidgeting with a button on his sleeve.

„Kinda, yeah.“ Envy giggled while pulling Ed upstairs. They actually did find a bedroom behind the very first door they tried. „Lucky.“  
And with that, Envy shoved Edward inside and onto the bed. 

„Let’s see what we’re working with, here.“ They exclaimed happily while kneeling down onto the bed next to Edward, ignoring the ugly creaking. Envy pulled Ed’s shirt up and over his head before he could complain about it. Then they dove down to the edge of the bed, made quick work of Ed’s boots and crawled back up.  
The flush had returned to Ed’s cheeks and he had his gaze fixed on one of the bedposts. Envy smiled. They weren’t quite sure what made Ed’s shyness so interesting, usually shy people turned them off quite quickly because they lost interest too fast to actually get to explore.  
With Ed, it seemed to be one of many layers they hadn’t seen yet. 

Talking about layers — Envy opened Ed’s belt, slowly. They had seen Edward naked before, sure, but this was really different nonetheless. It was much more exciting than walking in on someone. Well, at least Envy thought so.  
The part that made sex fun was the other person begging you for more, wasn’t it?  
Ed wasn’t very helpful though, he didn’t move an inch even when Envy was done with the belt. They basically had to drag the pants down over his ass and hips. It would be faster if Ed had cooperated, but maybe it wouldn’t have been as fun.  
This made them feel powerful in a weird kind of way. They knew that Ed was a force to be reckoned with, but right now he wasn’t anything but a shaky teenager.  
A pair of plain, black boxers. How boring. But Envy would have chosen the same, if they had been in Ed’s position. Going commando would be uncomfortable in these leather pants. They let a single finger slide under the waistband and drew a little line across Ed’s abdomen. He shivered, his eyes still locked on that stupid bedpost. 

Envy rolled their eyes, but chose not to comment for now. They had better things in mind than talking anyways, at least for the moment. They leaned down and planted a chaste kiss on Ed’s dick through the fabric of the boxers and — was that a whimper?  
Envy looked back up. Ed actually did look at them as well, now, brows furrowed, eyes clouded. It was a good look, really. Envy liked it.  
Absent-mindedly, they let a hand stroke up and down Ed’s thigh while studying his expression. The sun had started to set and the golden light went with their new boytoy exceptionally well. Ed’s hair, eyes and the light seemed to be made from the same fabric, whatever that might have been, Envy didn’t really care.  
They slid Ed’s boxers down just slightly, not taking their eyes off of his yet. Only when Ed opened his mouth - probably to complain - Envy redecided and just pulled the remaining cloth down and away, flinging it over their shoulder onto the floor. 

Ed’s body was perfect in every sense of the word, really. That dick looked ex-fucking-quisite. Pale, silky skin, an ever so slight curve to it, actually slightly bigger than their own.  
They, for some reason, didn’t even mind.  
Envy swallowed hard. They wanted to touch. Or maybe lick. 

Ed slid away from them wordlessly, seeming just a little panicked. Envy wasn’t about to argue this again, so they just moved with Ed, crawling on top of him, one hand beside his face to support their body. Wouldn’t wanna crush the shrimp now. The other hand made its way back down to that good looking dick in no time, tracing around it, but definitely avoiding it for the second being. 

„Gh.“  
A smirk made its way onto Envy’s face. „Sorry, what was that?“ 

„You’re a—“ Ed shut his eyes as tight as he possibly could, probably trying desperately not to moan, „—twat and I fucking hate you.“ 

The smirk turned into an evil grin. „That so?“ They let one single finger run along the side of his dick. Ed blew out a little puff of air. 

Envy continued for a little, enjoying Ed’s pained face and the little noises here and there, but they did lose interest rather quickly and started playing with the tip instead, sliding their finger over it, dipping it into the slit ever so slightly, all while watching Ed absolutely fuck up his lower lip while trying not to be too vocal. He failed when Envy applied just the tiniest bit of pressure. 

„Envy…“ The most beautiful, husky moan. They should definitely try to make Ed scream their name next. That sounded divine.  
Ed opened his eyes and Envy found themselves more speechless than they had expected to be. They’d seen all kinds of horny expressions by now, every shape and form of dilated pupils and clouded eyes, but this was kinda new.  
Ed looked at them with such a pleading look that Envy would have caved immediately if they hadn’t told themselves that they were going to make Ed beg for it. Especially since words really didn’t seem to come easy to the brat. 

„Yes please?“ They tried to sound unbothered but their voice was definitely mirroring Ed’s lust. It was barely more than a whisper, nowhere near the upbeat tone that they had been going for.

Ed didn’t seem like he was going to answer. He had turned his head to the side again, with a pained expression. That kinda hurt. Was this about saying their name like that? Probably. Envy would just have to make sure that the kid got used to moaning their name, then. 

[They went back to gently massaging Ed’s throbbing dick after he hadn’t replied fast enough. Then again, would he have said anything at all? What had he planned on saying? Again and again, the fingers wrapped around him sent sparks flying through his entire body and he felt like he’d been reduced to a wobbly mess in seconds. It hurt so good. Jesus, how had he never felt like this while masturbating? 

He probably couldn’t even say anything reasonable if he’d tried. Truth be told, this was kinda crazy. He should hate Envy. But he really did not. The first time he’d had a weird thought about them had been more than a year ago, and since then his emotions towards Envy had shifted from lust, to empathy, compassion, pity, and back to lust.  
A particularly agonisingly slow stroke made him press his hips closer towards Envy’s fingers, that felt way too good to belong to just another human. Well, actually they didn’t really, but he couldn’t care less right now.

„You like?“ Envy asked, quietly. They probably noticed him spacing out a bit again, even though he didn’t stop moaning at any point, which he personally hated, but Envy seemed to enjoy way too much.

„…yeah“, he agreed, keeping his voice just as quiet. It helped with embarrassing noises as well. He didn’t think he could speak loudly right now.  
Envy still stopped, and, much to his own dismay, Ed whined. Could this get any worse, really? It did feel great but he did feel like absolute shit, still. 

„Want me to go on?“„…yeah“, he repeated, same tone as before.  
„ Beg me.“

Oh, right. That’s what Envy had said before. Now, their voice was so tempting, he wished he could just do as he was told without stressing. Edward looked back at Envy, regretting his choice a split second later, because, man, were those eyes killing him.  
„Come on.“ He muttered, hoping to get out of this somehow without being even more pathetic. He was already naked underneath Envy, who was, by the way, still fully clothed and showed no signs of changing that anytime soon. This was already bad enough as it was without him pleading.  
Envy just raised a brow and Ed felt his knees go kinda weak. Good think he was laying down.

„You can surely do better than that.“  
„Come on, you absolute dickhead.“ Edward added, not quite ready to give up without a fight.  
Envy grinned at him and moved their hand back upwards to pinch his nipple. He did the most embarrassing little squeal, but didn’t have the time to think too hard about it.

„Suit yourself, bitch. I was gonna be nice, as well! Shame!“  
Even if Ed hadn’t looked at him, he would have been able to hear the grin in their words. 

Envy leaned down and kissed him. If he could really call it kissing. It was more of Envy just biting his lips, his tongue, anything they could reach, basically. It hurt, but somehow it was mostly intoxicating and soon he was just letting it happen, gasping and moaning into the kiss like the idiot he was.  
When Envy pulled back, they actually had to wipe some blood off of the corner of their mouth. Ed shivered. Why did Envy look so good when they weren’t being nice? His dick hurt thinking about it. 

„Envy.“ Ed muttered, feeling like he might come undone if he didn’t do anything about this.  
The other looked at him, intrigued. „Yeah?“  
Ed took a deep, but still very shaky, breath.

„Please.“  
Envy smiled at him. Had he made it too easy?

„Please?“ They answered, slowly moving their body closer towards him so his dick was sandwiched between them.  
Oh no. 

„Do something.“ He tried to say, but it came out as a mostly incoherent whimper.  
Envy kissed the side of his neck and let that lovely tongue dart out just quick enough to give him a taste of what he could have had if he had cooperated any sooner. They also moved even closer and Edward could feel his groin throbbing. He whimpered, remembering that he just had to speak up.

„Please…“ he repeated, slightly worried if he could faint from this. 

„You already said that, Shrimp. But what do you want?“ Envy sounded like they were getting a little agitated as well.

Edward had enough.

„For god’s sake! Anything! Touch me!“, his voice cracked pathetically, „Fuck me! Please! Do whatever!“ 

Envy giggled into his neck, clearly appeased. „Wow, quite the announcement for not wanting to say anything earlier.“  
Ed just moved closer, grinding against Envy. Anything was good enough at this point.]

They couldn’t believe it. Did the Shrimp just hump their leg like a dog? Gross. Also kinda hot. But gross. 

„Nuh-uh!“ They said while moving back. „You don’t get to just soil my clothes whenever you feel like it.“ Envy took a deep breath before reassuring the whimpering mess before them. 

„Calm down. I got it, your word is my command! I’ll get to it! Sheesh!“ They were going for an annoyed tone of voice, but again, that didn’t quite work out. It came out rather smug, but that was good enough. They did feel mostly proud for getting the shrimp to this point. He did seem like he was about to lose his mind. 

When Envy returned their fingers to their previous workplace Ed’s moan was loud enough that Envy was worried that they might actually alert neighbours before they remembered that there were none.  
Lucky them.  
They crawled down, leaving kisses on Ed’s chest, abdomen and lastly, hips on their way down before lifting his flushed cock up with two fingers and experimentally kissing the tip. Ed pressed one hand to his mouth, the other clawed at the sheets beneath them. 

„You smell sooo nice, Shrimp.“ Envy muttered, enjoying the pained sound they got as a response.  
They moved down even lower, placing another kiss at the very base before licking all the way up, as slowly as possible. 

The drawn out cry that Ed let out was worth every second that Envy had spent teasing him. They felt a shiver run down their spine but talked themselves into keeping a cool head for now.  
They looked down and licked the tip of Ed’s dick, getting a little taste of desperation in the form of way too much precum that smeared everywhere. 

„Oh god, Envy, honestly, please, please, please.“ Edward whimpered from below the hand he still held in front of his face. „What do you want me to say!?“

Envy smiled. They hadn’t wanted to hear anything else, really, but this was adorable. They didn’t feel like teasing him any longer, the boy really deserved some release.  
„It’s alright, Edo.“ They muttered, almost gentle enough to surprise themselves. „Just enjoy.“ 

Ed, however, didn’t seem to find much comfort in their words, he just whimpered again, placing a hand at the back on Envy’s head and ever so gently pushing them closer. If it hadn’t been for the incredible softness of the touch, Envy would have absolutely pulled back.  
They weren’t about to be pushed around, but this wasn’t pushing, this was just begging, and it was exactly what they had wanted, so they really couldn’t blame Ed.  
They actually quite enjoyed it and let him push them down, licking along the shaft before finally taking it in their mouth. 

Ed seemed to have trouble stopping himself from clawing at their hair, but Envy was glad that he fought his urge, because they weren’t sure if they had been so kind about that as well.  
They inched closer, slowly taking the whole thing in, trying their best not to choke already. 

It wasn’t even that they were that out of practice, they just hadn’t really expected the length. It had definitely looked smaller than that. Or maybe that dick had just expanded in their mouth. Either way, pretty hot.  
They started sucking and Ed let go off their head, dropping his hand down to claw at the sheets again.  
„Holy… shit.“ He moaned.  
Envy made a pleased sound. That’s what they liked to hear.  
Bobbing their head up and down, they picked up some speed.  
Ed went from moaning to little broken cries and Envy couldn’t help but imagine how nice it would be to actually fuck the boy and have him scream in a perfect mixture of pleasure and pain. Their favourite. 

„En-vY!“ Ed’s cry seemed slightly panicked again and Envy let go to catch a breath and look up at the shrimp.

„I don’t—“ , Ed panted, „I can’t—“  
Envy raised a brow. „You good?“ 

He whimpered, again, not able to look them in the eye. „I, uh“  
Oh!  
Envy grinned.  
„Shh. It’s fine. It’s fine. Hold on a bit. You’re fine. Shh.“, they said, their voice sweet and innocent.  
But they went back to sucking dick vigorously, enjoying the more and more nervous tugging at the back of their head and pushing at their shoulders.  
Ed was so cute when he was shy, really. 

Honestly.  
Envy could eat him. 

[Ed was quite literally about to faint. Why did Envy not just let go? Clearly they had understood his gibberish when he tried to tell them that he was about to come. Did they honestly think that telling him to just wait it out was gonna help at all? Ed thrashed his head to the side, into the safety of the pillow.  
It just felt too good. It was insane, not even remotely like his own hands. And, granted, hands weren’t much like a mouth, this still felt insane.  
He had imagined blowjobs to be nice, but this was making his head swim and his stomach cramp up. It almost hurt a little. Not because Envy was doing anything to make it hurt, it was just, too good to actually be true. And now he was really stressed out about coming.  
Couldn’t they get, like a tissue or something? He wasn’t sure if he wanted Envy to have to find somewhere to spit. Or worse, to swallow. He might actually die thinking about it.]

They wrapped their hand around his cock to pull back and take a breath once again, looking up at Ed, whose hair was now a tangled mess, clinging onto the sweaty, flushed skin on his face.  
„Come for me.“ 

[The way Envy just said that would have been enough to make Ed come right away, but instead of just keeping their head where it was and letting Ed just soil his own stomach, which would have been reasonable and easy to clean, of course they had to get back to it. 

There was no escaping it though, Ed had been way too close for way too long and he couldn’t fight it. His entire body felt like it was so tense, he’d probably get sore muscles from this.  
He pressed his eyelids shut as tight as they could possibly close, and tried to imagine that this wasn’t happening. 

It didn’t work.  
His entire world existed inside Envy’s mouth that was inhumanely hot. Tight, wet, with just the right amount of suction and teeth once in a while.  
He pushed weakly at Envy’s shoulders, trying to finally get them to back off.

„Envy..!“ He tried, one last time, but it was already too late. 

Something that felt like a lightning bolt going through his entire body happened, unlike any orgasm he’d ever had before.

„EN-“ It made lights flicker in front of his closed eyes. „VY! OH-MY! F—“ ]

Envy would have laughed if the circumstances would have allowed it.  
„You’re really cute. Taste pretty good as well.“ They admitted, in between chuckles, after swallowing at least twice. 

Ed pulled the pillow over his face. „Why.“, he muttered into the fabric.  
Envy got up. „It’s your turn next time, shrimp.“ 

Edward peaked out from under the pillow. „Next time?“  
They put a hand on their hips. „Don’t tell me you brought me here to suck your dick... once?“ 

„No… fuck, of course not. I was thinking, like, don’t you… uh“  
Envy studied what little of Ed’s face they could see. 

„Do I want to fuck you right now?“  
Ed nodded, before pushing the pillow back over his face.

„Nah, you’re spent. I’ll wait it out until you’re begging for it again.“, they answered before turning around to leave. There had to be a bathroom around here. Preferably not the one that Ed probably wanted to use in about five minutes as well.


	8. A Human

The entire situation hadn’t really dawned on them until their shoulder blades were pressed against the cool tiles of the shower and their breathing slowed down again. They had pushed every stray thought to the side until that very moment. What on earth were they doing? The world as they had known it had crumbled and fallen apart like a dry biscuit. And they seriously had nothing better to follow Edward Elric home and suck him off? They let themselves slide down the wall and came to sit, facing upwards into the lukewarm spray of the shower.   
Honestly, what were they meant to do? Up until that point they’d been doing what they were told, now they really weren’t told anything. It didn’t really feel like freedom. Or maybe freedom had a bitter aftertaste.   
They decided to look at the situation logically, because there was no point in freaking out anyway. 

Where was this going? Apparently Edward actually wanted them to stay. For how long, Envy wasn’t sure. But that wasn’t really the point anyway, they weren’t going for any plans that weren’t in their near future. So, staying here. What would happen? Would Edward go visit his family alone, pretending that Envy had died? Pretending that they were still in Central? What if his brother wanted to see the new house? Wasn’t that a thing that a brother would be interested in? Then again, they hadn’t gone to check up on Greed, but maybe that was different because they hadn’t been supposed to. But Edward and Al hadn’t been supposed to do any of the stuff they were doing, so this couldn’t be the logic Envy was looking for. So they would have to either tell everyone else about them or they would have to leave before everyone else wanted to check on Edward. How long until his brother would miss him? They weren’t usually apart. Envy remembered the broken tone of Al’s voice when they had told him about how Edward was missing since the mines had collapsed. They hadn’t been apart for very long then, but clearly Al would be worried when Ed was missing. It probably hadn’t been the time but the circumstances. What was Ed’s brother even up to now? They were pretty sure they hadn’t asked Ed. 

Speaking about the devil, he knocked on the door.   
„You good?“, he asked.

„Yeah.“ Envy answered dryly, but didn’t make any attempt to stand up or turn off the shower.  
„Get out of there, you’re using all of the hot water — what are you even doing in there?“ Ed’s voice swayed between worried and angry. 

„I’m masturbating?“ Envy offered, not even trying to make it sound convincing.   
„The hell you are, get out.“   
They scoffed, but did manage to finally get back up.   
Giving the handle a rough knock, they turned off the shower and stepped out onto the incredibly fluffy rug that was in front of the shower. They really had gotten used to living in a fucking basement.   
Envy grabbed a towel, wrapped it around their hips and kicked the door open, only to see a flustered Ed jumping backwards. Right, he had been standing right in front of it. 

„What is it?“ It sounded harsher than they had meant to, but maybe it would get Ed off of their case for a little.   
It certainly did not. In fact, it seemed to actually gift them with a glimpse of the Ed that they had known for so long now. Even the flush that had crept onto his face after seeing Envy’s chest had vanished.

„The fuck? You get lost in the shower for like, almost an hour and then you’re pissed when I check on you? Remember the time I showered for like five minutes and you—“

„I do, but that was a job. I didn’t actually want to check up on you.“   
Ed scoffed. „But you sure did want to come here.“

„As opposed to getting burned to death? Yeah, tough choice.“  
They stared at each other for a minute, neither of them saying anything.

Then, Ed threw his palms up in frustration. „I can’t! What is it with you?“   
Envy cocked their head to the side. „You mean, why am I not more like you humans?“ They gritted their teeth. „That’s pretty easy to explain.“

Ed shook his head. „No, you’re exactly like them, that’s the problem, you’re exactly like every fucking human I somehow made angry while trying to be nice!“

They were back to staring at Ed silently. Why were they even fighting. They studied the expression on Ed’s face. Worry, anger, something else they couldn’t quite pinpoint.   
„My bad.“ Envy finally muttered and walked past Ed. This really hadn’t been going the way they had anticipated. Staying for longer? Surely not if they made Ed kick them out first. Hell, they didn’t even know if they maybe wanted that. Was this one of those „see how far you can push people away until they stop trying to fight their way back“ things that they apparently did? Lust had warned them time and time again to stop it.   
They  
Could  
Not  
Stop  
That. 

Also, where had her great advice gotten Lust? Killed by the some womaniser accompanied by man she had been dating? Wasn’t exactly a great place to end up.   
They hadn’t really gotten much further without her advice though, the reason they were still here wasn’t advice. The reason they were still here had a pulse and anger issues.   
However, Ed didn’t chase after them. They weren’t exactly sure where to go. Maybe there was a second bedroom where they could — 

„Envy. Come on.“   
So maybe Ed did actually chase after them? 

They turned back around. „Huh?“   
„Let’s … let’s not just leave it at that. I was just worried, I wasn’t trying to tell you what to do.“ Ed sighed, clearly a perfect match for the role of the bigger brother. 

Envy hated the way that made them feel. Why did getting what they wanted from Ed make them nauseous but also a bit lightheaded in … a good way? It wasn’t like Envy was trying to deny that they had a crush on the shrimp, they already knew that part.   
They could probably get in line, for some reason they had just gotten lucky, apparently. Why did the shrimp even like them?   
But either way, shouldn’t it be nice to get attention from a crush? Why did they feel like they’d done something wrong? Had they?

„You mean, I can use up the hot water if I want to?“ Envy asked with a smirk, trying to at least lighten the mood a little. Ed shrugged. „If it makes you less angry.“ 

„I’m not angry.“ They threw him a suspicious look. Did they seem angry? Shit, they had no clue.   
„You sure were super pissed when I told you to get out of the shower after an hour. Is that a homunculus thing or is that an Envy thing?“

And Envy was back to smiling. What was it about the kid?   
„Neither, actually.“ 

Ed seemed slightly annoyed. „Do I have to ask all the questions or will you just tell me what on earth is up?“   
„You’ll have to ask.“

He rolled his eyes. „Okay, wow. Let’s get you some clothes first, then maybe I can concentrate on your story, whenever you do decide to tell me.“

The smile widened and Envy could have cursed themselves, but this honestly just felt nice. It was like Ed had just wiped away whatever worry they had been drowning in earlier. With a nod, they followed him back to the bedroom where Ed had now apparently unpacked his things. How did a person manage to create a messy environment by unpacking? Wasn’t the point to put things somewhere they belonged? Envy eyed the books scattered around the bed. 

„Uh, do you want a jumper or something? What you were wearing can’t be comfortable for lounging?“   
Envy cast a glance over their shoulder at Ed, who was back to being uncomfortable with the entire situation. They considered this. Did they want a jumper? They hadn’t actually thought about clothes as a means for comfort before. They had been going for something sleek that wouldn’t get in the way while still looking cute and showing off some skin, when they had originally created this form. 

„Sure.“ They said, after a couple more seconds. What was there to lose. Trying new things should be a good thing when you find yourself in a new situation. And this really was.  
Ed, apparently not having expected that answer, scrambled to find his bag between a literal pile of books on the other side of room that Envy hadn’t even noticed. Just how many books did the shrimp bring? Reading was an okay means to pass time, but this… surely nobody could read this many books? 

While Envy was still trying to guess how many books were in the room, Ed had seemingly found a jumper he had deemed acceptable, because he was holding it out to Envy, who took it with a nod. How thoughtful, the thing was entirely black. It still wouldn’t go with the skort. Technically speaking, they could just create other pants, but how weird was that in this context? Envy pulled the jumper over his head wordlessly. It was pretty soft. They revisited Ed’s original question. Was it more comfortable? Maybe, but it mostly felt unusual. And it smelled like Ed. Which was nice, they had to admit. Whatever the Elrics used to wash clothes, it was good. Better than plain soap and water, definitely. Probably something fancy from military headquarters.   
They noticed Ed looking at them intently. 

„Yes please?“ Envy asked.  
„It suits you.“ Ed smiled and Envy felt their insides melt a little. 

They cleared their throat. „Gee, thanks, the Fullmetal Alchemist complimented me.“   
„I’m no longer a State Alchemist, but yes, yes I did. Would you like pants with that?“ 

Envy nodded. Sure. Why not. A Fullmetal Outfit.   
Ed, having anticipated the answer this time, tossed a pair of black sweatpants in their general direction, but Envy caught them easily. 

„Thanks.“ They would have stripped for Ed, but Ed had turned away and now stared at the wall. Cute, they thought, while putting on the sweatpants and throwing the towel over a wooden chair.   
They let themselves plop down on the bed when they were done, starfish-ing and staring at the ceiling. 

„These clothes are more comfortable. Huh.“   
Ed laughed. „You have never tried wearing anything else?“

Envy waved their hand in the air dismissively. „Obviously I did. Just never had the opportunity to shape shift into someone in freaking sweat pants. Who wears that out and about?“  
Ed laughed. „Who wears skorts „out and about“?“ 

„Hey!“ They couldn’t even get mad when Ed was giggling like that. They honestly were getting soft, but it wasn’t like father was there to scold them. As far as they were concerned, Ed was the one who had killed father, so he was his next in line, technically. A weird monarchy. Whatever.

Ed sat down on the bed next to Envy and they involuntarily scooted over slightly. What were they, scared? The looked up at the shrimp. Ed caught their gaze and held it for a second, before reaching out and pushing a, still kinda wet, strand of hair away from Envy’s face. They held their breath.   
Were… they supposed to say anything? They kind of froze. Ed seemed happy enough, though. 

„The… uh, earlier. That was really good.“ Edward mumbled, still smiling though.   
Oh, thank god, that was awkward as hell, but less awkward than them not knowing what to say.

„I aim to please.“ They replied, realising that their heart was racing.   
He touched a strand of hair, Envy thought, mentally scolding themselves, big deal, grow up. 

They slid away a bit further as to avoid any more contact they hadn’t asked for. There was no way they were gonna freak out like this for any longer, this was embarrassing. 

Thankfully, Edward let them. „Crazy, all of this, huh?“ He asked.   
Envy nodded, looking back at the ceiling. „Did you think things were gonna be like this?“

Ed shrugged, thinking about the question for a couple of seconds. „I only knew I was gonna get Al his body back. Didn’t really get both of my limbs back I guess, but I mean, you win some you lose some?“   
Envy grinned. „I don’t think that saying was meant to be used for limbs, but sure, yeah.“ 

„Agree to disagree.“ Ed smiled while awkwardly sliding down the bed to lie down as well. „Are you incredibly tired as well?“  
„Knackered.“, they agreed, closing their eyes to prove their point. „Wanna nap?“  
Ed threw a glance towards the window. „I think I’m in for a full nights sleep, actually.“

„That I can do as well.“ Envy stretched and moved to the side a little. „You really wanna sleep in a bed with Envy?“, they added, with a sly little grin even though their eyes were still closed.   
„Stop teasing me already.“ Ed sighed.  
But Envy wasn’t. They were just fishing for compliments. They smiled, but rolled over to turn their back to Ed.   
„Good night, Envy.“   
„…“ 

In the morning, there was no doubt that they would be back to being a worried homunculus with no future.  
But tonight, they were a human just like Ed, tired but happy, smushing their face into a pillow and listening to the soft breathing next to them.

When they woke up the next morning, they weren’t actually immediately back to being worried, they were mostly confused as to why they hadn’t heard Ed leave, because he sure as hell wasn’t where he’d fallen asleep the night before.   
Envy stretched, arching their back like a cat, then jumped out of the bed, pretty energised once again. Now, where was the shrimp? They looked down at their unusual form. Wearing wide clothes was the weirdest thing once you started moving around, but they should be okay for a little longer. They were really comfy. 

Envy peeked out into the hallway, but Ed was nowhere to be seen. There was some faint sounds from downstairs though. Cutlery, maybe. He was probably having breakfast. Interested, Envy followed the sounds to find Edward in the kitchen like they had expected. 

„Aw, I wanted to bring the food to you.“ Ed said when he noticed Envy, a slight frown on his face.  
Envy blinked. He was gonna bring them breakfast in bed?   
„Stop acting like you’re in a manga.“ They muttered and sat down at the table, facing away from Ed, so he couldn’t see the smile on their face. Shit, they were so soft when it came to things like this. Also, kinda inexperienced, they had to admit. Envy wondered if growing up normally had taught them how to thank someone without feeling stupid. 

They were pretty sure that Ed had been rather blessed when it came to his life before his mum died. He seemed very fond of it and he did try to bring his mother back, so she must’ve done something right. Maybe brought the kids breakfast in bed and pet their hair when they were sick. Envy drew little circles on the kitchen table. They didn’t really know if they felt good or bad thinking about that. Again, it definitely stung, but it was also nice. Ed had deserved it, they told themselves. 

A few minutes of silence later, Ed placed a plate with pancakes in front of Envy. „At least try some? I’m not great at cooking but Al says my pancakes are really good.“  
Envy looked at them. They did look good. „Well, that’s something at least.“ Envy pulled the plate a little closer, thinking about what Ed had just said. „Hey!“  
Ed laughed. „Just kidding. I hope they’re okay.“ 

He got back up to get himself a plate as well, while Envy tried a bite. They hadn’t had pancakes in quite a while so they couldn’t really compare them to the ones you got in restaurants, but they weren’t bad. Actually, they were pretty good. A bit too sweet, but Envy just liked savoury food better, so that really meant nothing. 

„They’re are.“ Envy said, quietly. Why did saying this make them feel so stupid? It had nothing to do with them at all.   
„I’m glad!“ Ed came back with a plate that had the same amount of pancakes, but at least double the amount of maple syrup. The whole dish would have passed as cereal.   
Envy eyed it, but decided against commenting, mostly because they were too busy stuffing their face. They hadn’t really realised how hungry they had been. It was probably because of the state of their stone. They should go look for another one fairly soon.

„Did your mum make you pancakes when you were little?“ Envy asked, genuinely curious since they had thought about it earlier.  
„Yeah.“ Ed swallowed two bites worth of pancake at once. „Hers were better though.“ He smiled at Envy. 

How the same memories that caused Edward so much pain caused him so much happiness, Envy could only begin to imagine. It reminded them of the way they had lost Lust. She had been kind of like a mother, not only to them but to all of the homunculi. At least she had always made sure to try and understand everyone’s point. Something that Envy had never really cared for before she died. Now they found themselves in a spot where they felt like they’d been stupid their entire life, missing some important … thing. 

Envy, who had finished their pancakes, stood up to put the plate in the sink, but Ed stopped them with a gesture. „Sit with me for a bit?“ He asked with his mouth still half full. „I’ll get the plates later.“   
They slowly sat back down, looking at Edward who apparently wanted to make some kind of announcement. They had no idea what this could potentially be about.   
But apparently, Ed didn’t want to talk at all, they just sat in silence for a little, while Ed finished his breakfast.   
„So, what’s your plan for today? What do you usually do when you’re free?“ He asked, leaning back in his chair to give his stomach a little more room. 

Envy looked at Ed. „Honestly“, they began, „I wasn’t usually free. There was always something to do, and if I really needed a break I shape shifted into someone else and checked their life out.“  
Ed seemed torn between looking impressed and looking offended. „That’s really creepy but it sounds really fun, actually. I wish I could have taken a break from my life from time to time.“ 

Envy studied Ed’s expression, then shrugged. „I bet. Your life must have sucked as well.“   
But Edward shook his head. „It was a bit stressful at times, but that’s what life is. I learned to love it.“ 

„You’re an optimist.“ Envy said.   
„Aren’t you? I remember you being really upbeat all the time a while ago.“   
„Being upbeat and being an optimist are two different things entirely.“, they answered truthfully. „What did you do in your spare time?“ 

Ed smiled sheepishly. „Reading, I think you might have noticed by the state my room is in, at the moment.“ 

„Right. Were those all alchemy related books or did you already get a ton of new books for whatever you’re planning to pick up next?“ Envy always kind of forgot how incredibly smart Edward was when he wasn’t doing stupid shit.

„The latter. I actually got some books on general physics and chemistry.“   
Envy already felt bored just thinking about it. „Wanna get back to work somewhere eventually?“ 

Ed lifted his hands, palms facing up in the air. „Don’t know. I was thinking of exploring the world. Maybe I’ll stop from time to time and try out teaching or something.“   
They looked out of the window. Explore the world, huh? Was that another plan that Envy had no place in? They weren’t going to ask, after all, they weren’t Ed’s responsibility.  
„What about you? Do you want to do anything in particular?“ 

Envy hated the question. How dumb was it to just not know where you were going? They had never thought about a future after the plan because, frankly, there never really had been a future for Envy. Still, saying that out loud would have been admitting defeat, so they just shrugged it off.

„Not sure yet.“ That was better. It sounded like they couldn’t decide between multiple options. When in reality, even just staying where they were without doing anything didn’t really seem like a valid option. Ed had never really invited them to stay forever, he wanted to protect them from Roy, who would, sooner or later, have better things to do than hunt after them. There was no way forward or back.

„That’s fair.“ Ed answered with a friendly nod, before getting up. He grabbed the plates like he had said and went over to the sink to do the washing up.   
Envy followed him with his eyes. Were they supposed to thank him again?


	9. A Second First

A couple of days passed, without any incident, really. Eventually, Ed had gone out to get some groceries and Envy had felt weirdly proud after having been left with the responsibility to look after the house. Obviously they wouldn’t have done anything, but Ed did trust them enough to just leave them alone at his place. When he had returned, he had seemed equally happy about coming home to someone.  
They weren’t much of a family, but they did give each other some comfort, even Envy could see that. It felt like they did actually belong, but every time they started thinking about it, the question „how long“ started looming over them like a dark cloud.  
They never really had a lot to lose in this life, but this, they really didn’t want to lose.  
It brought them a sense of peace that they hadn’t known before. Thinking back on a couple of days ago, when Ed had first made him breakfast, it had changed them in a way.  
Actually being treated like a human? By a human? A first.  
Actually being treated like a friend, a lover? A first.  
It was pathetic, but very much the truth.  
Envy looked through the paper bag that Ed had been carrying some food home in.  
„You know, I can cook.“ They muttered, not looking up from the potatoes they had picked up out of the bag.  
„You can?“ Ed sounded intrigued. „Wanna prove it?“  
A smirk tugged at the corners of their mouth. Either Ed was actively trying to make them feel less awkward all the time or he was just naturally really good at that. „Sure.“

So, a few hours later, Envy was in the kitchen, peeling potatoes and marinating a piece of meat. They were a bit nervous because now that they had told Ed that they could actually cook, if the food turned out bad, they couldn’t pretend like it was their first time trying it. What if it sucked? Envy sighed. Just channel your inner Ed, they told themselves. Just make the food and stop stressing for one minute. Hell, one second would be an improvement.

Ed, who had somehow sneaked up on them, startled them when he started speaking.  
„Do you need a hand?“  
„No, I’m good. I already told you I can cook! Get out!“ Envy hissed, internally rolling their eyes at their own reaction. Would they ever learn?

Being the nice person that Ed was, he didn’t just leave, he actually followed up by saying „Okay, but if I can do anything to help, let me know.“

Envy actually envied that part of Ed as well. It had been so easy to anger him just a few months earlier, but the boy had shed his only bad habit like a snake would have shed old skin.  
How did he just evolve and get better all the time? He was so young as well!

You’re doing it again. Envy reminded themselves, trying not to overthink this.

When they were finished with peeling the potatoes, they threw them in some salt water and took a look at the time. Half an hour and they should be good.

If they got started on the meat then that would still be plenty of time.  
Envy sat down in their usual chair and watched the leaves of the tree in front of the window rustle in the wind. After a while, Ed walked back into the kitchen.

„I know you said you didn’t need help.“ He started. „But I didn’t hear anything at all for some time now and I thought maybe you were done prepping.“

Envy looked over at him, somewhat quizzical. „You were right.“  
„Wanna do something? You can’t tell me you were just gonna sit there and wait until the food was ready for the next step?“

They were a bit overwhelmed with that question. Apparently they weren’t bored all the time for no reason. „What else would I be doing?“ Envy glared at the shrimp.

„Me?“ Ed offered with a grin. Clearly time had helped with his nervousness, even though he still seemed like he was struggling with keeping the grin in place.  
Either way, it was like Envy never even had been annoyed in the first place. How flirty Ed could apparently be when needed. Interesting.

„Oh?“ They got up to saunter towards him. „Was that enough waiting?“  
Ed seemed to regret having started that conversation, but he stood his ground, not taking steps back this time around. Envy smiled; they liked that as well. He reached for Envy’s hand and lead them to the bedroom. This was nice. They had been all for Ed’s shyness, but being asked for things was even better.

* * *

That had worked better than Ed had expected. Now, he wasn’t so sure if he had made a good decision, but he had made one and that was the important part. After all, he had been thinking about this for a good while now and Envy had also basically agreed already.

„Where did this sudden change of heart come from?“ Envy asked, their voice low, barely louder than a whisper, when Ed closed the door behind them.  
He shrugged, because he really did not know. There was just something about this situation that had felt safe. Envy actually made lunch for them. It still felt weird, thinking about their past, but right now they were… just normal people. Normal dating didn’t work like this, Ed was sure, but their situation hadn’t really allowed for anything else.

He looked at Envy, who had walked over to the bed, but hadn’t yet sat down. Ed followed suit, not sure where Envy was going with this.

They gently pushed him onto the bed so he was sitting on the side, and straddled him. Their hair fell around them and cloaked their faces in shadow. Ed could see Envy’s still just as intoxicating eyes glowing red with the absence of light. How did that never cease to amaze him? He felt a shiver run down his spine and straightened it slightly to be closer to Envy’s face.

They leaned in as well and, placing a hand on the back of his head, pulled him into a kiss.  
It was way softer than the kisses they had shared before. There was no biting, no pushing and shoving. As exciting as drawing blood had been, this started a new kind of fire in Ed. Envy, who had apparently redecided when it came to not biting, had pinned his tongue and now gently sucked on it. Edward closed his eyes a little tighter and tried not to gasp into the kiss.  
That felt really strange but really fucking good at the same time. He clearly was in for a treat, Envy really seemed to know what they were doing.

They broke the kiss — way too soon, in Ed’s opinion — and pushed him down onto his back before reminding him of all the things that had made him almost lose his mind the last time they had gotten intimate. They licked along his neck (thank god Ed didn’t need to use his knee to support his body right now because it felt like jelly), pushed his shirt over his head again and continued their way downward fairly quickly in a series of wet little kisses, that left the exposed skin cold and somehow vulnerable.

Ed stifled a moan when Envy let their way too pretty fingers move over his pants. There was no way this time was gonna be any less embarrassing than the last time, even with all the mental preparation he had done, he still was reduced to a moaning mess when Envy ran those fingers along his skin.

„Can I touch you?“ Ed asked, not exactly sure if that was a given, since Envy hadn’t given him the chance to do so yet.  
Envy seemed to not mind the question. „All yours, shrimp.“, they murmured.

„Don’t call me that.“ Experimentally, Ed let his fingers trail along Envy’s collarbones, to their shoulders and those weird tattoos, until he let them slide down towards his stomach. He should have picked one of the days that Envy had worn one of his sweaters instead of their own top, this was much harder to get his fingers under.

Envy, who had closed their eyes for a second, had opened them to look at Ed, who really couldn’t pinpoint the expression he saw in their face for a second, until they were back to smirking.

„Come and get some.“ God, was Envy’s voice making his head swim again.  
He made surprisingly quick work of the top, even though it did mess up Envy’s already messy hair.  
Ed reached up to smooth it down just slightly and was surprised by how soft the wispy mess actually was. It looked way more coarse than it felt, that was for sure.  
Envy seemed to enjoy it as well. Ed was glad. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, but apparently it was good and that was all that counted.

„My turn again, Edo.“ They clearly lost interest in his rather chaste touches eventually, pushed his pants down with no further warning, and Ed shivered at the sudden contact of air.  
He didn’t really have to wait very long this time, since Envy had pretty much instantly wrapped their fingers around his dick and started moving them up and down straight away, even if it was an agonisingly slow pace.

Ed whimpered. „Envy..! Not this again..!“  
„I’m not teasing, I’m actually trying to make you feel good, okay? Don’t be greedy!“ Their voice was so husky and so obviously aroused that Ed felt like it went straight through to his marrow. He shifted, bucking his hips.

„Come onnnn!“  
Envy rolled their eyes and spread his legs by just pushing them apart roughly.  
„Your wish is my command.“

Edward felt weirdly exposed, even though he‘d been naked in front of Envy before, this was like… a new kind of naked.

„This is definitely going to hurt at some point or the other, let me know if it’s bad though.“  
Ed pressed his lips together and closed his eyes tightly, bracing himself for an impact that didn’t come. When he opened them again, and how happy he was that he had, because he looked at Envy, sucking on two of their fingers, looking like something straight out of one of the more expensive porn magazines that Ed never truly had dared to look at.

He couldn’t quite stop himself from a quiet sigh, but he didn’t care all that much either. Ed had been pretty much beyond the point of caring last time already. Envy looked so. fucking. good.]

They coated their fingers with a bit of saliva and placed them on Ed’s ass, looking up to check on the shrimp. He seemed blissed out, so Envy slowly pushed a finger inside, holding it perfectly still for the moment being.  
Ed didn’t make a sound, he just shifted uncomfortably and closed his eyes.

After a few seconds, Envy gently wiggled his finger, enjoying the tight heat of it all, trying their best not to imagine how good the release would be for them later. Ed made a sound, not quite a moan, but nothing too pained either, and Envy added a second finger, moving them slowly.

„I’m not made of glass you know.“ Ed complained eventually and Envy rolled their eyes again. Okay, so the shrimp didn’t want this to be painless.

„You’ll regret this when we’re done, but go off, I guess.“ Envy muttered, but started to feel around more, using a bit more pressure as well, while still stroking his dick in at least something like the same tempo.

Ed did actually moan now. Good, so it was more pleasure than pain. That was what they were going for. For now at least, later they couldn’t really guarantee for that.  
Found it, Envy thought, tapping Ed’s prostate playfully.  
Another, really surprised, moan. They could probably go a bit faster, then, they decided.

* * *

Ed wasn’t exactly sure where Envy was going with this whole prepping thing for that long, when it suddenly started to feel way better than just seconds ago.  
And it had felt pretty fucking good before. Even though it was kind of a weird feeling to begin with.  
Envy didn’t really leave him much time to get accustomed to it, they just moved faster, hitting that exact spot again and again. Ed whimpered.  
How could anything feel even better than just Envy’s fingers on his dick, even though they were still moving way too slow?  
He bucked his hips, once again. Maybe the trick to getting more was something else entirely. After all, doing what Envy had wanted hadn’t exactly gotten him where he wanted very quickly last time.

„Envy, are you trying to make me fall asleep?“ Ed grinned, mostly internally. That surely would have done it, wouldn’t it? Because usually—

„Ouch!“, he gasped when Envy added another finger, and continued with the same speed, mercilessly hitting all the right spots as well.

„Oh, shut up.“ Envy hissed while letting go of his dick. „You’re ready, I heard you the first time. I’m being nice, trust me.“

They removed their other hand as well, wiped it on the sheets, and moved over Ed.  
His heart skipped a beat when they saw the new look that had spread on Envy’s face. It reminded him of the Envy that used to scare him when he was younger. Clearly hadn’t scared him enough then, since it had made for some really nice dreams, but it kind of did scare him now.

They grinned at him. „Getting cold feet now, shrimp?“  
But obviously, they didn’t want an answer at all, since they had already placed one hand down next to his face for stability, while using the other to push down their skort. They weren’t even wearing anything underneath. Hot. Ed really should have known.

He couldn’t quite see anything though, since Envy’s hair was falling onto his face, and it drove him mad.  
There wasn’t a lot of time to look either, Envy moved pretty quickly at this point.  
Ed could only hope they needed this just as badly as he did, because up until now, Envy hadn’t really shown the cards on their hand, and it had made Ed a bit anxious.

He couldn’t give it any more thought than that, because the next thing he knew was a sharp pain when Envy pushed in without so much as another word.

The raspy moan that followed was worth every bit of Ed’s pain though.  
He bit his lip and stopped himself from squeezing his eyes shut, because this time, even though that had definitely hurt, Envy was right above him with an expression on their face that Edward would definitely never forget. Eyes squeezed shut, brows furrowed, lips slightly parted. Gorgeous.

Envy had stopped moving entirely and Ed noticed that they were shaking. This must be quite the display of self-discipline, he figured.  
Envy opened their eyes.  
„You okay, shrimp?“, they asked, voice equally shaky.

„God, you’re so hot.“ Ed answered before he could even think about what he was going to say to actually answer the question. He couldn’t be sure but it definitely seemed like the shaking intensified.  
He gently rubbed a hand along Envy’s thigh.  
Heavens, they seemed all tense, how were they even holding their body up like that?  
Ed almost felt a bit sorry, all of a sudden.

* * *

The words hit Envy in places where they hadn’t expected them to hit.  
Most of all it made holding still almost impossible.  
They wanted to just move and fuck the shrimps brains out so badly.  
„P-please, Edo. Just say it.“ Envy gave up. This was too intense to think about their pride.

Ed seemed genuinely shocked. „Sure, go ahead!“ He answered hastily, placing a hand on their cheek and rubbing his thumb along it gently, as if to help them with some sort of pain.

Envy felt like they might actually faint with all these affectionate gestures and eye contact during sex. What on earth was this?  
The shrimp had no idea what he was doing and out of all the potential things he could have done, that was his choice? They were surprisingly close to forgetting their own name.

Envy took a deep breath and started moving, as little as possible without actually fainting. It felt so much better than they had anticipated. It was incredibly confusing as well.  
They’ve had kind of a lot of sex before, so how come this was so different?  
Ed bucked his hips upwards again and Envy’s vision blurred.  
„Fuck..!“ their voice cracked so badly, that the word was barely even a word. Ed seemed to have understood him though, because he definitely smiled.  
„Glad you like it.“, he whispered and Envy seriously questioned their positions. Weren’t they supposed to make the shrimp scream?

They took another breath in, trying to recollect themselves, while Ed pushed some stray hair behind their ear. They realised that their headband must have come off when Ed had taken off their shirt.  
Well, it didn’t matter now, they surely looked like an absolute wreck either way.  
With a quiet, shaky breath out, they pushed in all the way and pulled back out again, mostly, still making eye contact from time to time.  
Ed seemed way more fine than they were, so there wasn’t a point in worrying about the shrimp any longer. Not that they could have kept up with that for much longer, either.

Envy started some sort of rhythm, biting their lip when Ed actually managed to move with them.  
In fact, Ed might have moved more, or at least, in a more demanding way. His hipbones kept clashing into Envy’s. He also pulled Envy down lower with the hand that had previously been on their cheek, but now had wandered up towards the back of their neck.  
Seconds later, they were just inches apart and the delicious added friction of their skin on his skin made the entire experience even more intense. Ed moaned, clearly thinking less clearly as well, now that his dick was sandwiched between them.

* * *

Ed had expected way worse. It definitely stung a little, but it wasn’t what he would have called pain and whenever Envy hit that spot tiny purple dots and lines danced in his vision.  
„God!!“, Ed yelped at a particularly deep thrust, „That’s —! Ah!“  
He pressed against Envy as much as possible, and couldn’t help but smile when Envy eventually buried their face in the crook of his neck, all quiet moans and whimpers as well.  
Edward realised how difficult it must be to almost lie on top of him but not actually putting weight on him and immediately felt kind of bad for pulling Envy down onto him, but his mind was wiped clear again with the next thrust.  
He was back to just yelling the other’s name and clawing at either the sheets or Envy’s back uselessly.  
„Gh! Envy— I —“ he tried to warn, but Envy didn’t really slow down either way.]

Envy could literally feel Ed’s screams the way they had their cheek line up with the side of his neck. It was perfect.  
The way Ed tensed up under them, scratched at their back, whimpered, screamed, everything.  
It was perfect.  
Envy had guessed correctly when they had made the assumption that Ed would be on the more vocal side, and they were happy to not stand corrected. They could have lived off of Ed screaming their name.  
When Ed came, Envy almost choked on their own breath though, because hell, that was a lot tighter and even more intense than just a second before. Everything twitched and tensed around them.  
They managed to push themselves back upwards to catch a glimpse of Ed’s face, and they were happy they did, because it really was a sight for sore eyes, even more so than last time, if that was even possible.  
Messed up blond strands of hair that had fought their way out of the braid, stuck to Ed’s reddened cheeks and his glassy eyes looked almost amber in the low light of the bedroom.  
Envy definitely did actually forget their name for a second there. In fact, they weren’t exactly sure where up and down was either, at this point. They just gave in to the sensation and let go.  
Ed, interpreting the situation correctly, pulled them even closer for a second, relishing the moment with them.

„God, Envy, that felt…“ Ed looked back at them after he had let them go again, his voice trembling, „so good… wow…“

Envy pulled out rather quickly, unable to cope with all that positive affirmation and touch right now. They would have wiped their stomach or something, but they were way too wobbly to do anything at all, so they decided to lie down just for a second to give their limbs a short rest.  
Not being able to put any weight on Ed at all really did make this difficult.  
They had been way more worried about it than usually as well. If they so were to crush someones clavicle or something, well, that was their price to pay for wanting to fuck Envy in the first place. After all humans shouldn’t succumb to sin, right?  
It really was different now, though.

Envy moved away from Ed, who looked at them a bit puzzled. „You good?“  
They nodded, closing their eyes after resting their head for a bit, finally.

Ugh, they needed to check on the fucking potatoes as well. At least that was a reason to get up soon-ish, because they honestly didn’t know if they were gonna die if Ed was gonna touch their hair again or something. Did a philosopher’s stone even cover for that kind of thing?

„Did… I do something wrong?“ Ed asked, and Envy’s eyes snapped back open.  
„What?“, they looked back at him, noticing that his expression had shifted from confusion to genuine worry. „What did you want me to do, light a cigarette? Let me just chill for a second!“

Ed didn’t seem pleased with the answer.  
„That’s not the point.“, he mumbled, but in that case, Envy honestly didn’t see the point.

„I need to check on the food, shrimp. You were a good fuck, honestly. Don’t look so down.“  
They got up, carefully testing out their, still kinda wobbly legs, grabbed their clothes and walked over to the bathroom, trying to not let anything drip on the floor, which proved to be difficult, considering Envy was pretty covered in fluids.

After the worlds quickest shower, they did find out that the potatoes had been cooking for exactly the right amount of time and made a mental note to fuck Ed while waiting for food more often from now on.

Maybe they’d ask what the shrimp had worried about so much later. That look didn’t quite leave their mind now.

They were just about to call Edward to come downstairs to grab some food, when he walked into the kitchen.  
„Something sure smells nice.“ He threw Envy a smile, no trace of worry left on his face.

„That would be the food.“ Envy stated plainly while setting a plate down for Ed before getting their own. They felt like it turned out okay, and they also felt like making an excuse as to why it potentially might not be great. The first thing that came to mind was the new kitchen and how it was nothing like the one they had used to cook in. They didn’t actually say it out loud though. They were pretty sure the food was good and the excuse would take away from it, if it was, and only help if it wasn’t. Considering—  
Edward had shoved some of it into his mouth already and pointed his thumb upwards.  
„That’s really good!“, he managed, mouth stuffed to the max.

„Ew.“ Envy said.  
Edward swallowed. „That’s really good.“, he repeated, making sure to enunciate.

„Yeah, I heard you the first time.“, they answered, while sitting down with a grin. „I told you I could cook.“  
„You know, I’d say that I can cook, as well. Next time you try to brag you could go for „I’m as close to being a freelance chef as a homunculus has ever gotten.“ “

Envy made a face. „Honestly? I know that was supposed to be… a compliment or something, but we don’t even know how many homunculi are out there, it’s not like it’s just the seven of us.“ They cleared their throat. „Was just the seven of us.“

They were surprised by how much it actually hurt, when they thought about it like that. „I guess now it’s only me, but I can’t be the only homunculus out there.“  
Ed shook his head. „You’re probably right. Sorry, didn’t mean to… say it like that.“

Envy dismissively waved their hand. „Forget it. Doesn’t really matter anyway.“  
Both were quiet for a bit, eating and avoiding eye contact, before Ed spoke again.

„We could go look for them, eventually. Right now, and I never thought I was gonna say this, I think both of us could actually use some more down time. Maybe get settled a little.“  
They nodded slowly, but looked at Ed suspiciously. „What would you do once we found some?“

„Honestly ask them about their lives and write a book if I can. A bit of exposure would have helped before. Half our country didn’t know homunculi existed and yet the head of the military was one.“  
Edward seemed serious about this. Envy weren’t sure how they felt. On the one hand, if anyone could write a scientifically correct book on homunculi it would be Edward Elric. On the other hand, Envy didn’t know how deep they wanted Ed to look into the subject matter at all. They weren’t something to study in the first place, but then again, people not knowing about them had gotten them to a point where they didn’t feel human at all. And maybe they weren’t. But what if Ed could prove that they were? Envy pushed some meat around on their plate.

„Do you want to pick a room? I kind of made the room we’re sleeping in mine already, you didn’t really get to put anything in it yet.“ Ed, clearly concerned, had decided to change the subject.

„I don’t own anything I could put in there. It’s fine. I have a bed to sleep in, don’t I? Also, I don’t wanna get all cosy and then have to carry tons of shit across country.“  
Ed put down his fork. „You planning to go somewhere?“

„I mean, I can’t really just squat at your place until we die, can I?“ Envy looked up at Ed with a forced smile. They didn’t know if they wanted to stay forever, but they definitely didn’t want to leave. The thought made their throat and chest feel weird. Like someone had stuffed lumps of cotton wool in there.

„I was hoping you could at least stay for…“ Edward considered what he was saying. „Actually, for as long as you possibly can?“  
Envy felt their cheeks tingling. Blushing like a child, really? This was pathetic.

„I’m gonna finish this later.“, they announced, picking up their plate to put it on the counter for safekeeping.  
„Envy.“ Edward sounded as concerned as ever. „Please talk to me.“

„About what?“ Envy looked back at Edward, a familiar cold washing over them.  
The former Alchemist looked sad, concerned, worried, all the things Envy hated. They couldn’t deal with that right now. They turned around to leave. Maybe a walk would help.

When they turned around to close the door behind them, they noticed that Ed had followed them quietly.  
„Can I come with?“ He asked, the concern in his voice mirrored on his face.  
Envy took a deep breath. The point of them going out to be alone for a second wasn’t exactly Ed coming with them, but they didn’t have it in them to tell him no.„Sure.“ They sighed.

Seemingly relieved, Ed grabbed the keys from the counter and stepped outside as well. It was a nice, crisp day, and still kind of sunny out, but not to the point where you needed to shield your eyes from it. Envy wasn’t blessed with weather that reflected their feelings. They looked up at the almost cloudless sky, then back at Ed, who looked exceptionally pretty with the sun hitting his face like that. It was almost impossible to not immediately forgive him for anything the fool had said without thinking.

„I’m sorry about just now, I really am. I made that weird.“ He sighed, adding to Envy’s thoughts.  
„I already said it’s fine. I’m not mad, I see where you’re coming from.“ Envy replied dryly.

„You are kind of pissed, though.“ Edward’s eyes were fixed on theirs.  
„Honestly, I’m not. You just got me thinking.“

They walked alongside each other in silence for almost an hour.  
„It’s probably gonna be quite cold and rainy tomorrow.“ Ed said, suddenly.  
„What?“ Envy looked at him, a bit bewildered.

„My thigh hurts. Usually does that before a storm or a drastic weather change. It’s similar to how some people get headaches when the weather changes.“, he explained patiently.  
Envy looked up at the sky again. The air did seem a bit heavy, now that they really thought about it. It did feel like maybe a storm would be coming up.

„That’s kinda cool. Not the part where it hurts, that sounds like… it would hurt.“ Envy sighed.  
Why were they like this?  
But Ed just smiled. „It’s not terrible. Will definitely keep me up at night if the storm is coming quite quickly.“

„Really? Wow, that’s harsh. That thing has been off for years now and it’s still bothering you?“  
Ed shrugged. „I’m not bothered most of the time, only when some part of the automail breaks, which is usually my fault anyway, or when the weather changes. Summer changes are worse than winter changes though, oddly enough.“

Slowly, Envy nodded. That made sense. Maybe they could give Ed a hand later. Thinking about it, they were also really excited to see the automail get changed out. They’d seen Ed without a working arm once, and that had been quite the thrill, but the circumstances were way different back then. Maybe now it would make them uncomfortable to see Ed in a more vulnerable position.  
„How often do you have to get it checked up on?“ Envy asked.  
„The actual thigh? Not at all, it’s healed, it doesn’t really do much. The automail? Way too often. I should have gotten it looked at right after that whole ordeal in Central but I was kinda preoccupied.“  
Envy felt the hint of a smile tug on the corners of their mouth. So apparently they had been more important than Ed’s own wellbeing? It shouldn’t feel like a compliment, but it did.

„We should get that looked at then.“, they said with a nod.  
„By we, I hope you mean „I“, because Winry is my mechanic and everyone will ask questions.“  
Envy looked at Ed for a few seconds in silence.

„We wouldn’t want that, would we now.“, they finally said, not quite aware of the trace of bitterness that clung to their words.  
Edward cast his glance downward.

„I… I’d love to introduce you to everybody. Honestly, I would. I’m just afraid they are gonna react badly and end up doing something stupid. I don’t even know what, but I’m just… I don’t know.“ He really seemed like he had meant what he had said just then.  
Envy sighed.  
They knew Ed was right as well, but that didn’t help at all.

„I could shapeshift.“, they offered.  
Ed frowned. „If you’d like, we could do that, but I would really prefer to introduce them to you.“

Okay, there was no way around it, they just had to ask.  
„Is this about you not wanting to tell Winry that you’re seeing someone?“  
Ed looked a little pale around the nose, suddenly. „That’s… really not it. But I do see why you would…“, he stopped walking, „Oh, Envy. I’m sorry. This is the worst.“

Envy had stopped and turned around as well. They hated that they understood Ed. They hated that Ed understood them. They hated that it still hurt. Would this never stop?  
Were they just always pushing and pulling on a splinter in their heart that wouldn’t come out anyway?

„Could I please hug you? Just once. Please.“ Edward asked softly.  
They considered this, tilting their head to the side and eyeing Edward.  
„I guess.“ Envy muttered nonchalantly after a few seconds.

Ed stepped closer and placed one arm around Envy’s shoulders, with his hand pressed against the back of their head, and the other arm around their upper back.  
It felt more confining than helpful, really. They really hadn’t expected anything else, hugs seemed weird from an outside perspective, and they had never really gotten to experience them from an inside perspective.

„You hug back, you absolute idiot.“ Ed muttered in their ear.

Envy rolled their eyes, but wrapped their arms around him. That actually made it feel better. For a second, they closed their eyes and nuzzled their face into the crook of Ed’s neck.

„Being human is difficult, huh?“, they asked. „You guys really aren’t okay either, are you?“  
Ed laughed. „We really aren’t.“

„Wanna go back?“ Envy asked when they gently pushed Ed away after a few more seconds.  
„Yeah, let’s go home.“ Ed said and Envy realised how nice that sounded.

Soon enough they could see their little house on the horizon, between nothing but meadows and a few trees. It looked surreal.  
Envy didn’t think that they were ever going to stay somewhere this peaceful. A slight breeze rustled the branches of the trees and made the grass to their feet sway like a green ocean.

The world could be nice if you let it.


	10. A Knife

When they got home, both of them were actually hungry enough to get some more food, or, in Envy’s case, finish their food.   
They ended up talking about Alchemy, surprisingly, and Envy felt like they would have forgotten most of it already when they woke up the next day.  
Interestingly enough, they hadn’t. They had never tried to work with Alchemy and they didn’t really want to try now, especially not since Ed couldn’t work with it anymore either, it just wouldn’t be fun. And the law of equivalent exchange didn’t suit Envy. Why did you have to sacrifice something to get something entirely different? How on earth had Ed’s arm been the same worth as his brother’s soul? Alchemy seemed to follow its own rules and Envy wasn’t sure they wanted to understand them all.   
When Ed and Envy went downstairs for breakfast and noticed that they had exactly nothing in the fridge, Ed excused himself to go to the store. Envy had been running errands for way too many people for way too long, they were honestly glad to not have to go back to a store and get mundane things anytime soon.   
And Ed really seemed to appreciate doing mundane things. Maybe he hadn’t exactly had much time to pick out things he liked in stores for quite some time as well.

Not even half an hour after Ed had left, Envy heard a knock on the door. Ed couldn’t be back yet, could he? Maybe he had just forgotten the keys. He should have just trusted Envy to stay at home while he was gone.   
Envy opened the door with a quiet sigh.   
„Why didn’t you just—“

In front of the door was a teenager, blond hair a shade darker than Ed’s, less slanted eyes that were just slightly more olive than they were gold.   
He looked just as shocked as Envy felt, but clapped his hands together immediately. 

Envy jumped backwards, just in time to escape a pointy piece of wood, stabbing at them from where solid floor had been just a second ago. 

„Al! Wait!“, they yelled.   
Clearly, Alphonse did no such thing. He clapped again, this time slapping a hand to the wall next to him, launching a series of bricks at Envy.   
„Will you—“, they continued dodging, „stop and listen, you brat??“ 

„What are you doing here?“ Al screamed, and that voice Envy definitely recognised, but there really wasn’t any time to answer. The kid was already on to the next step, pressing his hands to the floor again.   
The wooden boards creaked, flipped upwards, and created a little cage around Envy.   
Enough was enough.   
They kicked against the piece of wood closest to them, breaking it into two clean pieces. Envy stepped out of the sad excuse for a cage and took a step towards Al.  
„I’m here because—“

With a flick of Al’s wrist a weird looking knife flew across the room and dug itself into the soft flesh right below Envy’s ribs.   
„Ugh.“ Envy pulled it out slowly. „you humans are the worst.“, they spat at Al.   
They inspected the heavy metal knife and realised that they had seen those on that little girl from Xing. That’s why that hurt so badly, Envy thought, that thing was not just pretty long but also the width of at least three western knives next to each other. 

Either way, the kid wasn’t gonna listen to them? Not their fault. They were trying to explain the situation here and the thank for that was getting a knife to the stomach? How fucking fair. The stabbing pain just intensified their anger.

They remembered the Elric brothers not fighting particularly fair in other fights they’d witnessed or heard about as well, so it figured, really. 

They were about to throw the knife back at the kid when they realised that they were pretty dizzy. The wound wasn’t quite healing. Actually, it wasn’t healing at all.   
Envy looked down.  
They really should have left that thing in there, shouldn’t they?   
That was quite a lot of blood. 

Al stared at them, unmoving. Something was way off. They clutched their hand to their ribs, immediately feeling blood trickling out in between their fingers. 

„Shit. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.“, they muttered while backing up slowly and slowly letting themselves drop to their knees. That hurt way more than it was supposed to.   
Or was it just that it hurt for longer than things usually had?

Al didn’t seem like he was going to attack them any further, all blood had drained from his face and he looked like maybe he was the one bleeding out. 

Envy tried to remain calm. They didn’t have a piece of cloth or anything to press to the wound.   
They bit their lip, looking up at Al. 

„Throw me a kitchen towel or something?“ Maybe the brat would just cooperate. They didn’t have any other plan either way.   
Al didn’t move. He seemed taken aback by all the blood and maybe the fact that Envy hadn’t actually fought back.

„Why are you here?“ He asked, again, as if Envy just had decided not to answer him the first time. Al‘s voice didn’t sound panicked anymore, just confused and maybe a little scared.   
They took a shaky breath. No point in arguing with the kid now. „Ed brought me.“   
Al seemed to believe them. „  
Why?“, he asked, still.

„Honestly?“ Envy could barely keep their eyes open, that’s how dizzy they felt, and Al wanted a proper answer before he even gave them something to stop the bleeding with? They looked down at their fingers that were absolutely drenched by now. Pretty shocking how much blood you lost when your wounds didn’t close up. 

They thought about Ed, coming home to this. There was no way they could just die right now, not after Ed had tried so hard to keep them alive. But they couldn’t hold onto their body without dying. Envy grit their teeth. Pathetic, stupid Envy. Should have fought. 

They lay down on their side, all shallow breathing and shaky movements, before letting go of their preferred form.   
This sucked. 

Al, who hadn’t done anything useful the entire time, suddenly jumped up and looked through his backpack. And he didn’t even take out anything useful, no, just a stupid metal container that had some herbs inside, which he carelessly tossed onto the floor, only to grab Envy and push him inside.

Why did humans want to put him into way too small boxes all the time? Both figuratively and literally.   
„You bitch.“ Envy hissed. But at least they were alive. Even though now Edward had to look at then like that. They let their tiny, way too light, body fall onto its side and fought back some tears. Why did this always happen? They had done nothing at all this time but their past still came back to haunt them. Envy just wanted some peace at this point.   
Truthfully, they hadn’t really wanted to fight all along but defying father was not only braver than they were but also way more stupid. They hadn’t stood a chance. 

Envy pulled their tail up and grabbed it like a blanket. They wished it was long enough to just wrap it around themselves and maybe hide, but it wasn’t, even when they pulled. That just hurt. 

Al stared down at them, through the clear top of the box, in absolute disgust. „What am I going to do with you now?“, he asked, but probably didn’t even want an answer from Envy. Either way, he wouldn’t get one. Envy was done trying to speak to Ed’s stupid baby brother. 

Al placed the box on the floor next to his feet and clapped his hands together. Instinctively, Envy squeezed their eyes shut as tightly as they could. But nothing happened. When they dared to open their eyes again, they realised that the room was back to normal and Al had changed the container that they were in so that it resembled a small prison cell. He had stretched out the outer walls of the box so that it would be larger, but made it into bars so there would be airflow. Smart, Envy thought bitterly. 

Al grabbed the container again and went into the kitchen, looking around. Envy felt terrible. Why did they feel so protective over some stupid drawers? Al had done worse in the past half hour but for some reason this was what had them feeling the worst? Al going through their kitchen. It didn’t even make sense. 

Clearly a large towel had been what he had been looking for, because he grabbed it and immediately left for the corridor again. Was he seriously going to clean up Envys blood? He should have just given them the towel when they were still struggling with bleeding out. Envy hated Al more with every second passing. 

But before Al even kneeled down next to the pretty impressive pool of blood, that would not have been mopped up by one single kitchen towel anyway, Envy heard the sound of keys turning and their heart skipped a beat. Shit. Now they’d have to face Ed like this. And Ed would have to talk to Al. He would have to explain that... wait, would Ed even explain that to his brother? Would he drop Envy? They held onto their tail a little tighter.

„Hey! What’s— “ Edward started cheerfully while opening the door, but his voice cracked when he spotted Al standing next to a pool of blood. He actually dropped the bag of groceries and Envy felt like their heart was shattering into a million pieces. That was a look they had never wanted to see on Ed’s face. Fuck, that really might be the worst thing they had ever witnessed.

„Al..!“ Ed was shaking so badly that Envy could tell even from a couple of meters away. „What happened??“ 

Al had turned around, and stared at Ed as well. „I came to check on you, but guess who opened the door?“, he asked, a sliver of betrayal in his voice. Clearly he didn’t feel like making this any better for Ed. Envy balled all of their little hands to fists. This boy was absolute trash. How could he treat his own brother like that? Hadn’t Ed done everything and then some to get his body back? 

Ed hurried inside, that look of utter despair still on his face.   
„Please tell me you didn’t kill them.“, his voice was what did it for Envy. They hadn’t wanted to speak to him while they were stuck in this form but that hurt way more than the knife had. 

„I‘m good, Ed. Just ugly.“, they answered quickly, trying their hardest to lighten the situation up just enough for Ed to stop looking like that. 

Edwards’s gaze wandered over to the small container with Envy in it and his eyes locked on them. Envy squirmed. They shouldn’t have said anything.   
„Don’t look at me.“, they added, a little more quietly. They had almost forgotten how much they hated their pathetic little voice in this form. It was as ugly as the rest of them.   
Ed rushed over to them and dropped down on their knees, picking up the small container.   
„Envy?“ 

Al watched the scene unfold wordlessly and Envy thought that they never had wanted anyone to just drop dead quite as badly.   
There were tears in Ed’s eyes now and Envy felt like their stomach was just one tight knot.   
„It’s okay!“, they said, even though nothing was okay. „We’re okay!“   
Ed pressed the box with then in it against his chest and even though this was the worst, Envy noticed how they had never felt quite as wanted anywhere. It hurt in the worst, but most beautiful way.   
How could Ed even still care after seeing them like this? Envy probably would have flushed themselves down the kitchen sink, if they would have fit. 

„Open that stupid cage.“ Edward told his brother with a tone Envy hadn’t heard him use before. He must have actually been quite angry.   
“Ed, he’s still dangerous. He can latch onto people and take over their bodies.” Al warned.

“They”, Ed put quite a bit of weight into the word and Envy squeezed their tail, because wow, hearing Ed say that made them feel some kind of way, “aren’t dangerous. Not any more than you are, at least. Actually, less, maybe, because I don’t see you bleeding.” 

Al stared at Ed with almost the same look he’d given Envy earlier. Utter disgust, but this time with some disbelief mixed in.   
“What did you want me to do, you didn’t tell me I was going to be greeted by Envy.” His voice was trembling now. Oh, so he did care. Didn’t really seem like it before. 

Ed took a deep breath. “Right now I want you to open this.” He repeated, holding Envy up in their little cell. There was no room for argument in his voice and Al actually did as he was told. A clap of his hands later, there was a little prison cell door right in front of Envy. Ed opened it and held his hand out in front of it so Envy could walk out. They did, haltingly. They kind of didn’t feel like being close to Edward in this form but they also had to prove something to Al now. 

Once Envy was on Ed’s hand, he demonstratively tossed the wooden cell at Al.   
“That’s yours, I think.”, he said dryly. 

“Brother.” Al began, back to his usual voice now, no anger left in it. “Why is Envy here? And why didn’t you talk to me sooner?”

“Because Roy would have killed them. I couldn’t just leave them. And I didn’t talk to you yet because I thought something like this might happen.” 

Envy flinched. That might have been the truth but it didn’t sound like Ed was particularly fond of them. Actually, Ed had made his decision to take them here sound like charity work rather than... whatever it has been. Envy wasn’t so sure, all of a sudden. 

“They aren’t your responsibility.” Al just stated.   
“No but all of the people you saved weren’t yours either and I never questioned your judgement. As you can see, Envy hasn’t tried to kill me yet.” 

But Envy sure did feel like trying. They sat up, shooting Ed an angry glance.   
Al shook his head. “I’ll... think this over. I’m too emotionally involved to give you a proper answer right now. Let’s talk tomorrow. If you are dead by the time I come here tomorrow or Envy has taken over your body, I will kill the both of you.”, he muttered before turning around to leave. 

“It’s good seeing that you’re okay though, Ed.”, he added before leaving.   
“Likewise.” Ed mumbled before the door fell shut behind his brother and they were left in silence.

“Shit! I’m so sorry, Envy!” Ed began.   
“Are you?” Envy hissed, but it didn’t sound as threateningly as they would have hoped. 

“I” Ed’s voice was back to being quite shaky “I shouldn’t have left you alone!”   
They smacked their tail against the palm of Ed’s hand. 

“I can look after myself!”, they growled, “I just didn’t want to hurt your brother!”   
Ed looked absolutely distraught. “I know!”, he whispered.  
“I know, Envy. I’m so sorry!”

Now he was actually crying. Silent tears spilling out of his eyes and running down his face like someone had turned on a faucet. Envy’s anger washed away with them.  
They were so useless in this form, though. It made them feel sick how little they could do. 

“Ed...”, they began, quietly. “Please don’t...”   
Edward didn’t listen. He cast a glance down at the pool of blood that had started sinking into the cracks of the wooden floor and leaned onto the wall behind him to slide down into a seated position. Ed set Envy down on the floor next to him so gently, it made the knot that was their insides even tighter. 

Ed pulled his legs up to rest his head in his knees and sobbed.   
They tugged on the fabric of his pants uselessly. They couldn’t even hold him. It hurt! Everything hurt.   
“Edward..!” 

After crying for at least five minutes without Envy being able to do anything at all, he lifted his head just a little bit to look at them again.   
Envy felt utterly worthless.   
“Are you in any pain?”, he asked, suddenly, picking them back up again. 

Envy, taken aback, shook their head. “This form doesn’t have a scratch on it.”, they answered.  
Edward wiped his face with the back of his free hand. “I’m glad.”, he hiccuped.

He took a couple deep breaths to try and calm himself down. Then he turned his hand from side to side as to inspect Envy, who would have given everything to just vanish into thin air. Their heart was beating so fast they were sure Ed could feel it on his hand. They wrapped their tail around them nervously, trying to hide as much as possible. It wasn’t a lot, they felt like they had been served up on a silver platter for dinner. 

“Don’t look.”, they muttered, again, even more quietly this time. They hid their face in their hands, squeezing their eyes shut again. As if not seeing Ed would have helped. 

“Shh.” Ed stroked a finger across Envy’s spine. “You’re fine.”   
Now it was Envy’s turn to cry. How Ed just understood them and figured out exactly what they needed to hear, they didn’t know. It was uncomfortable knowing that they couldn’t pretend with him, but it was also freeing, somehow. 

They tried to stop tears falling onto Ed’s hands, but failed miserably. Ed didn’t seem to mind, though. In fact, he tenderly held a finger under Envy’s eyes to catch and wipe away some more tears.   
“I’m so sorry, Envy, this is all my fault.”   
Envy shook their head violently, because it really wasn’t Ed’s fault. 

“Did you stab me, or what? No!” they squeaked, immediately embarrassed and pressing their hands to their mouth.   
Ed smiled at them weakly. 

“I can tell you don’t like it, but this form of yours is really cute. I just want to hold you.”   
Envy averted their eyes. That was unexpected, but appreciated. It actually made them feel a little better, even if cute wasn’t necessarily the look they were going for, knowing that Ed wasn’t disgusted was all that mattered to them, for the moment. 

“What happened, Envy?” Ed looked at the pool of blood again, his own draining out of his face, leaving him white as a sheet of paper. 

“Nothing.” Envy shrugged, “your brother kinda stabbed me with one of his girlfriends knifes and I didn’t have it in me to kill him because you turned me into a pile of mush.”   
Ed presses his lips together. “Sure you’re not in pain?” 

He gently lifted Envy up to inspect them more closely, stroking a finger over their stomach and sides, bending and stretching each little leg carefully.  
Envy felt like their skin was burning. They weren’t certain if the lizard form could blush, but if it could, they surely had turned beet red. 

Ed smiled at him, a little less tired this time. “Looks fine.”  
“Told you...” Envy muttered. 

Ed put them down again. „Sorry. I never really asked if you wanted to be picked up. I know it’s shitty when people do that, I would know, I was tiny as a kid.“ „You’re pretty small now.“ 

„Says you? I will squish you under my boot. And be warned, those are heavy.“  
Envy sighed. At least Ed didn’t act any different towards them. They were actually surprised. It must be hard to see someone you viewed as (mostly) human like this. But Ed had already proven to be able to shift his attachment from a human to an empty suit of armor, so this probably wasn’t even that weird to him.

„You okay with me picking you up?“  
Envy held up four little hands, palms facing towards the ceiling. „Honestly, it’s probably for the best when you do, walking to a different room would take minutes in this form. For you, it’s a few seconds. Imagine me walking to the train station again. I’d be there a day late.“ 

Both looked at each other, then sighed. The new situation really wasn’t ideal.  
„How about we eat something and think about how we’re gonna get your body back.“   
Envy nodded, crawling back onto Ed’s hand that was still next to them. He understood and placed them onto his shoulder before getting up and walking towards the door. He opened it, grabbed the bag of groceries that were still lying on the porch where he’d dropped them, then made his way back to the kitchen to put them away. 

„Want a cookie? I stopped at the bakery. Those are pretty small, probably better suited to —“ he gesticulated towards Envy’s body „this?“   
Envy did feel quite hungry. Switching was usually a bit harsh on their body, but being forced to do it felt horrible. Like being ejected from your own body.

„Why not. Thanks.“   
And with that, Ed held a biscuit up to Envy, who took it carefully. 

„I’ll make myself something small and then we can… set off to wherever we need to go to get you a philosophers stone.“  
Envy, who had nibbled on the biscuit, stopped. „You want to get me another stone? I thought you were quite done with those?“

„Can we get your body back in a different way? It’s not like I can still do Alchemy and it’s not like Truth took it from you.“ Envy wasn’t sure. They took another bite, watching Ed make himself a sandwich. 

„I think Kimblee has some left.“   
„I think Kimblee died.“ Ed muttered while spreading some mustard onto a piece of bread.   
Envy growled. „In that case I’m fucked.“   
„I’m sure there’s others. Somewhere.“ He cut up a cucumber into slices with such force that Envy truly could only imagine what exactly he was thinking about.

„I’m—“ Ed took a deep breath „I can’t believe that entire thing happened. What was Al thinking?“   
They considered the question.

„I think he was trying to protect his brother.“   
Ed slapped a few slices onto his bread. „Well, that didn’t quite work out. Now I gotta find a philosopher’s stone all over again.“ 

„You don’t have to.“ Envy sat down. Ed wasn’t moving around too much, they didn’t really need to hold on.   
„Of course I do, don’t be stupid. I’m not discussing this right now.“, he hissed while fumbling a slice of ham out of the bag. 

„Suit yourself.“ They took another bite and dug around in their memory. That was a real downside to living multiple, long lives. Most of their older memories were all jumbled and sometimes they couldn’t really tell if it was really them who had seen something. And sometimes, they had no idea if something had been 10 or 100 years ago if they weren’t certain if the memory was actually theirs. But there was something. It felt like a semi-recent memory. 

„I think father had some additional philosopher’s stones somewhere close to the basement. He gave me some to give to Kimblee, but if the fool used those and still died, we need to see if there’s any left.“, they said, lost in their own memory. What had that room looked like? Where exactly had it been located?

„That sounds good, but walking into the military headquarters isn’t exactly something I can do without people being suspicious at the moment. How would we get in?“Envy didn’t know. They made an exasperated sound and took another bite. The sweetness of the cookie actually helped with their despair. Maybe now they understood why humans liked to drown their sorrows in either alcohol or ice cream.   
The first option really didn’t do much for them since the stone healed any damages, and being drunk apparently was considered one. The upside was that they couldn’t really be poisoned, either. 

Ed, who had finished preparing his sandwich, walked over to the table and sat down fast enough to make Envy jump a little. „Careful!“ They yelped. 

„My bad.“ Ed muttered, not sounding sorry at all. He shoved some of the bread into his mouth and stared out of the window. Envy threw the rest of the cookie onto Ed’s plate with shocking precision, and climbed down his sleeve to sit on the table instead. 

„We could still try. I can’t think of anything else. There could be some of the puppet soldiers left, but those are also in the military headquarters, just a few rooms to the side. So it really doesn’t make a difference. Marcoh might also have a stone left. At least I think he had a couple.“ 

Ed nodded. „That’s a lot of „if“s, either way.“ He looked down at Envy, who had sat down next to his plate. „Then again, it really isn’t very different the first time I went out to look for one of those stones.“ 

And so, it was decided. Neither of them needed to talk about it any further. They spent a good few hours just thinking in silence.   
Eventually, Ed wandered off to his room to look for weapons he could still use. His weapons of choice had all been made from the metal of his automail, Envy was pretty sure they hadn’t really seen him use weapons that weren’t attached to him before. 

It didn’t really matter, though, it wasn't like he needed the security of a weapon he'd used before. Ed was incredibly fast and, to be quite honest, a bit scary when he was fighting. There was an air of unpredictability when it came to him, he clearly hadn’t learned a certain martial art style but had trained with different people instead. It was the exact opposite of Envy’s fighting technique, but both worked.   
If they were fair, Ed’s worked better, and for now, that was a good thing, seeing as Envy wasn't going to fight anyone in hand to hand combat anytime soon. Unless they found someone their size with an equal amounts of hands… 

Ed called their name and Envy, who had been sitting on the windowsill in the kitchen, soaking up some sun before they ventured out again, answered. Ed scurried towards them and held his hand out. With a sigh, Envy accepted the invitation and was placed on Ed’s shoulder.

„I think I’ll have to put you in my pocket at some point, sorry.“Envy scoffed.

„You say that like I’m scared. Anything to get us in. Once we’re inside, I’ll be back to my own body in no time anyways.“

Ed nodded, silently, grabbed his bag and walked outside, something so stern about him that it made Envy realise just how determined he was to get their body back for them.   
It was similar to what he had been doing all along, Envy guessed.


	11. A Traitor

The train ride was uncomfortable since Envy was mostly spending it inside a scratchy coat pocket. When they did have the cabin to themselves for a little, Envy could sit on Ed’s thigh for a while and stretch, but surely enough they were quickly stuffed back into the pocket once someone entered.   
Once Ed got off the train, Envy felt like they never wanted to be in this form again, ever. Not that they had ever liked being a puny little parasite, but right now it had been especially bad. At least nobody had stepped on them. 

Ed didn’t even bother with a taxi this time, his steps were fast enough to make Envy fall over in his pockets again and again. Why was he so pissed? Shouldn’t Envy be the one more invested in this?   
They really weren’t. They hated being stuck like this, but they didn’t feel like fighting their way into a military base. Edward, on the other hand, seemed ready to take on the world. 

Clearly, he knew his way around town as well, because after taking some shortcuts around buildings, their route hadn’t exactly taken them much longer than last time, when they’d been driving.   
„Ready?“, he asked, quietly, once they were apparently near the building.   
„Yes.“ Envy lied, grabbing the lining of Ed’s pocket a little tighter. 

For a while, nothing happened. It was slightly warmer inside the building, but there really weren’t any noises at all, everyone seemed to be behind closed doors, working in their own offices. Envy hoped that Ed remembered right way down into the main cellar. From there on out, Envy could lead them. 

If it was still empty, that was. Envy wondered if they had turned everything upside down to find out as much about the homunculi as they could. It would make sense to not just leave it. They tugged on Ed’s coat, but he ignored it. It didn’t really matter anyway, if it had dawned on Envy, Ed surely had thought about it earlier. 

Soon enough, they were walking down multiple flights of stairs. So Edward did remember the way.   
„So where exactly do you want me to look once we’re down there?“, he inquired, his voice monotone enough to make Envy question if he was angry because of something they did. 

„Remember the way I used to take you back up to Wrath’s office?“„To Bradley’s? Yeah, sure.“ 

„Instead of going up the stairs, go around them, there’s another door beside the staircase. It’s a few rooms we used as storage units. The second room to the left had this panel in the ceiling. I remember that—“, Envy paused for a second, „— I think it was Greed, had stored a couple of philosopher’s stones there. He should have kept them. Would have helped with Wrath. Maybe.“

Ed tapped the side of the pocket lightly, and Envy shut up. Was there something there?   
Another couple of steps down the stairs. Apparently Ed just didn’t want to open the cellar door while Envy was still talking. Good thinking. 

Quietly, he opened the door and entered the room. It was still just as dimly lit as it had always been. Envy had always told father that they could use some more sources of light down there, if only to make for better fighting conditions, but obviously he had never listened to them. 

It seemed like the Amestris soldiers hadn’t wanted to change that fact yet, either.   
„Edward!“, a voice called and Envy could feel Ed flinch.

„Fuery!“ Edward answered, clearly all smiled on the outside.  
„What are you doing here! I thought you were out in the countryside!“ Fuery answered. 

Envy flipped through mental notebooks in their memory. Wasn’t that one of Mustang’s subordinates? The… radio guy? What was he doing down there anyway? 

„I was asked to help shed some light on this whole situation. While Al has to do all things transmutation for me now, I still did work on this entire case a lot.“   
Envy nodded wordlessly inside Ed’s pocket. That seemed reasonable enough. Quick thinking. 

But Fuery seemed suspicious now.   
„W-were you now?“ He asked, clearly not quite believing Ed’s words. „Because Colonel Mustang said…“, Fuery stopped. 

„What did Roy say?“ Envy could hear the irritation well up in Ed’s voice. Getting angry wasn’t helping anyone now. He should just soothe Fuery for the time being, clearly he wanted to believe Ed. Proving his suspicions right by asking questions, especially the way Ed just had, really did nothing for them right now. 

Envy kicked and flailed, hoping that Ed would take a hint. But he just smacked the outside of his coat, probably making it look like a gesture or an accident.

It was quiet for quite some time, neither Ed nor Fuery said anything.   
Envy had been pretty certain that neither of them would have started speaking to each other at any point, but they heard some steps approaching.   
Things really weren’t looking up for them, were they?

„What is he doing here?“ Someone yelled and Fuery winced.   
„I don’t know, I was just asking about that!“   
„You weren’t asking shit!“ 

Envy poked their head out of Ed’s pocket and caught a glimpse of someone they didn’t know. At least they were pretty sure they hadn’t seen them around the headquarters before. Why wasn’t Ed doing anything? He should have knocked out Fuery when he had the chance to do so quietly! They let themselves slide out of the pocket and climbed down Edwards leg. The dim light was useful for once. Also, nobody was even looking at Ed’s legs. 

„I’ll escort him out.“, the stranger said, and Edward took a deep breath.  
„Let me talk to Roy.“, he said.   
Envy thought their hearing had failed them. Talk to Roy? Why? 

They didn’t look back, though.   
They needed to get some space between the others and them.   
If Ed wanted to leave, let him.   
Forget him, forget him.

They heard a loud thud behind them and quickly took cover behind a piece of rubble. The stranger had walked towards Ed, who had probably grabbed his arm right away and somehow thrown him off balance, because now, he had him pinned to the ground, his arm twisted onto his back.   
Shit, the kid was a good liar! Envy was surprised at their feelings going full circle. They were truly impressed.

„Fullmetal, what are you doing?“ Cried Fuery, upset and scared, backing up already.   
Ed knocked the stranger out cold, without another word, and walked over to Fuery, who wasn’t running, but stumbling backwards like an idiot.   
Envy enjoyed the sight. Their sweetheart could be so scary when he wanted to be. It was thrilling, really.   
Ed let the side of his hand collide with the side of Fuery’s neck, sending him to the ground without even a trace of resistance. 

The boy wouldn’t wake up anytime soon, Envy thought, judging by the crack that they had heard .They narrowed their eyes, looking at the body on the floor. They could make out Fuery’s chest rising and sinking. Honestly? Ed wasn’t being thorough enough, if anyone lived after seeing him there — and attacking them, they would obviously come after them.   
Had Ed planned on running for the rest of his life?   
He couldn’t just plan on letting Fuery go, just because he had spoken to him before? 

A sound from behind them made Envy jump. The other guard had gotten up and was now slowly walking towards Ed with newfound wrath.   
„How dare you! Traitor!“, he yelled, aiming his gun at Ed.  
Fuck. 

Envy held their breath while watching Ed running like a hare, actually managing to not get hit by a bullet. When he was close enough to attack the guard again, Ed was just slightly too slow, probably still catching his breath from running, and the guard smacked the back of the gun into Ed’s nose with a sickening sound. 

Envy cursed humans and their soft bodies, but mostly, cursed themselves.   
They couldn’t even do anything to help. They were so fucking useless.


	12. A Familiar Gesture

[Ed could taste blood and his vision blurred with tears welling up involuntarily from the sudden impact to his nose. It didn’t stop him from grabbing the guards wrist and twisting it, fast and hart. The gun dropped to the ground, the guard yelped. 

Ed should have hit him harder the first time, but he had time to change that now. He didn’t let his guard down for a second, moving his body slightly at an angle so his front wasn’t exposed. A swift movement later, his elbow collided with the other man’s chest. 

It would have been a great move, if the other hadn’t managed to grab his hair and pull him down with him.   
He just hoped he wouldn’t crush Envy in his pocket.

Ed didn’t have time to worry, they were on the ground now, just wrestling.   
Nothing he really ever did with Al.   
Pure strength wasn’t his strength. He was fast, he was smart, but he wasn’t trained military.   
It showed, because it didn’t take long until the other had just wiped him off to the side like an insect and rolled over. 

Now, their roles were reversed and Ed was pinned onto the floor. The guard grabbed the gun, that was still lying beside them.   
Ed struggled, kicking and screaming, but it was no use, he was firmly held in place by one hand on his left wrist, one knee on his right, and another on his stomach. 

Was this how he died?   
Without seeing Al on better terms again?   
Without getting Envy his body back?

The gun clicked.   
Ed stared down the barrel.   
Could a god save him now if he prayed?

Kh-ckh.

A loud crack, but nothing a gun could have caused.   
Ed opened his eyes again. He didn’t even remember that he’d closed them. 

The guard in fell to his side, neck bent at an angle that Ed didn’t even want to think about.   
Fuery was behind him, his face not even twitching. What hat gotten into that guy?   
Had he even killed anyone before? How was he so calm? And when had he even gotten up?

„You okay?“ Fuery’s voice wasn’t quite what he had expected.   
It reminded him of a crackling fireplace in a way that he didn’t want to be reminded of right now. 

He swallowed hard. No, no, no. 

Utterly numb, he let his hand wander towards his pocket.   
Empty.

He felt a familiar stinging, burning sensation moving up his nose until he had to blink away a couple of tears.   
„You didn’t.“ He whispered.

„What else would you have me do?“, came the answer, accompanied by an annoyed glance and a hand placed on the hips. 

It was so clearly Envy, he didn’t even need to ask. Disgusted, he stood up.   
„Fuery had nothing to do with any of this.“ Ed hissed.

The face that stared at him seemed so weirdly familiar in all the wrong ways. That chubby babyface twisted into something darker, Ed didn’t want to see. Narrowed eyes, staring at him annoyed like Ed had tried to lecture them about something stupid. 

He had to look away. Ed physically could not bear looking at Fuery’s face like that. Images of his body, on the ground, shaking and spasming uncontrollably came to mind. Had it even been like it had been for Ling? 

A spark of hope, immediately extinguished when Ed remembered the distorted faces he’d seen on Envy’s true form. Envy was nothing like Greed. Envy wasn’t looking for a host body to share, they were looking for a body to take over while killing off anything that reminded them of its previous owner. 

Soon enough, this body would never look like Fuery again and his corpse would never be found either. 

It made Ed feel lightheaded. Was this who he had fallen in love with? He felt nothing towards that. A shiver ran down his spine when Envy grabbed his arm to pull him up.   
„Let go of me.“, he spat, „Don’t fucking touch me.“]

„I saved your ass, you stupid idiot!“ Envy replied, their emotions switching back and forth between angry and baffled. Honestly, he had helped Ed in the only way that they could! How dare he talk down to them like this now? 

Ed didn’t reply. He turned away and walked a couple of paces. Envy followed him with their eyes. Were they supposed to say something? Nothing came to mind at all! They understood why Ed would be angry, they just didn’t feel like they had to explain it, there had been absolutely no other way to help him. 

„What are you doing?“ Envy asked. It came out all weird, this Fuery guy apparently had never thought to use that part of his vocal chords before. Weird. What else had he been doing with them? 

Ed threw them a disgusted glance. „Getting some space between you and me.“   
That hit pretty close to home. They had tried to help — actually, they had helped — and now Ed thought they were what, some kind of a monster? 

They grit their teeth, exasperated. What did the Shrimp want them to say? Or do? Should they have watched him get shot? There had been so little time as well! And Fuery had been in the way! He would have told Mustang about Ed immediately! The anger they were feeling didn’t even seem to be directed at anyone in particular. At least they couldn’t tell if they were angry at Ed for not understanding, angry at themselves for not being able to to what Ed had wanted them to do, whatever that might have been, or angry at the world in general, maybe. 

Ed had turned away from them and waved his hand in the air dismissively.   
"Honestly, I'm out." 

Envy took a deep breath. They couldn't say that they were surprised. Just a little disappointed.   
They turned around on their heels and left for where they suspected some more puppets.   
Since they were on their own, and in this body, who definitely belonged here, they were safe for now. 

Should be a piece of cake, really. They had plenty of time to think about Ed later.   
And even though they felt like their throat was too tight to breathe through, they would manage. They'd managed before. Of all the things and feelings they knew they could work with, this was their most well known one. They could hold on to, and cradle their misery like an old friend. Like the only friend they ever had.

[Edward walked away, numb. He didn't even care if he ran into someone, and lucky for him, he didn't. The corridors and halls still seemed empty. When he stepped outside and the evening sun had dipped the world into a pool of golden liquid, he felt like waking up from a dream. He needed to get away. 

Shit.   
He had forgotten about Al.   
There was definitely going to be some explaining that he had to do.   
Ed didn't feel like talking but he knew that seeing Al's face would help. Maybe they could stop for dinner at Pinako's after. He sighed, the hint of a smile on his lips. He'd missed everyone yelling at him for making terrible decisions. A small voice inside his head reminded him that Envy didn't have that kind of support system. And even if they had it at one point, Ed (and, to be fair, some others) had made sure that it was dead and gone now. Ed forced the thought away. This wasn't his responsibility. He had done his part. He had saved Envy and now even gotten them to a place where they could do real damage. He had done more than he should have. 

Still, the entire train ride back was filled with thoughts of Envy, trying to hide smiles, closing their eyes while basking in the evening sun, quietly humming to themselves when they were fairly certain Ed couldn't hear. Or when they had angrily peeled potatoes (at Ed) when he had asked if they needed a hand.   
He smiled, but the smile turned bitter in seconds.   
His emotions were a mess. So was he. If he hadn't been sitting in a train with multiple other passengers, he probably would have shed a tear or two, even if he was angry.   
He just couldn't make sense of Envy. 

How were these two faces he knew the same person? How could Envy murder two people in cold blood without even flinching. Especially Fuery. Hell. Ed rubbed his temples.   
Thinking about Fuery's body, controlled by Envy's mind made him sick.   
It was sick. Things like that shouldn't happen. It was Shou Tucker all over again, just with a twist.


	13. A Lie

Al was already at his place when he came in. Had he arrived in the afternoon and just stayed there? The sun had set hours ago.

"I see you let yourself in." Ed muttered, closing the door behind him.   
His brother stood up from where he'd been sitting at the table to walk over to Ed. 

"I was worried.", he said, but the words sounded bitter.   
"I know you were. My bad. I got distracted." Ed sighed and pulled Al in for a hug. "I'm sorry you constantly have to be my big brother." 

Al patted his back. "I wouldn't have it any other way."   
When they let go, Al studied Ed's expression carefully, like he would a new picture in a book. Ed had seen that expression so many times.

"Where did you leave Envy?" he asked, quietly. He seemed to not even want to know the answer.  
"I brought them back to Central." Ed stated, as truthfully as the situation allowed. 

Al didn't seem convinced. "So, he's not gonna be back? Why was he even here in the first place?"   
Edward sighed. "I told you, I couldn't just leave them in the hospital. And they're not gonna come back. I made pretty sure of that." The words actually hurt. He should have known that they would. There was no way Ed could just ignore everything that had happened just because Envy had proven that they were, in fact, still Envy. Ed wouldn't have had been interested in the first place if that had bothered him more. 

"Good riddance. You have such a good heart, Ed, but that was... way out of your reach." Al seemed to actually believe him. Ed had to stop himself from laughing, that's how wrong this entire conversation felt. "Honestly, he probably would have killed you sooner or later." 

Ed pressed his lips together, thinking back to the incident that had led him back here. Envy really had not seemed keen on killing him. And they had the chance so many times. Before -- and when the both of them were actually living together. Living together! Ed didn't know how to feel. He looked at Al, Al looked at him. 

"Don't worry about him, he can look after himself. He can fight, he can shapeshift, he's good out there. You don't have to baby him just because you feel like you took his family away. They weren't even family. They aren't even people, Ed."

It took every last bit of Ed's strength not to frown at the words still hanging in the air. Not people, huh? By that definition, Al wouldn't have been a person for years, with that man-made body, and soul tied to it by a man-made thread. Envy had a body of their own, even if it wasn't technically human. Envy clearly had a soul of their own as well. Whatever threads they used to sew that onto their homemade, preferred body was no different from the threads that had kept his brother by his side. 

Still, if he started arguing about this with Al now it was going to be all over. Alphonse wouldn't have any of it. This wasn't the right time to convince him of anything, either. Right now, Ed should be with Envy, making sure that they were safe until they managed to find a stone. They had tried their best, honestly. They hadn't killed anyone for fun, they never seemed to hunt for sport, actually. Ed couldn't even recall one single incident where Envy had started a fight with him, or anyone, for that matter. 

They hadn't wanted to fight Ling, hadn't wanted to fight Mei, hadn't wanted to fight Roy, Riza, or anyone else. They had even followed direct orders in such a minimal fashion that Ed had questioned their commitment time and time again. And they had helped him even when they didn't believe Ed could help them. 

Hadn't he told Envy once that he didn't believe that Envy even wanted to be part of father's plan? How had Envy reacted? Had they told him he was wrong?   
He couldn't even remember. Ed calmed his mind, trying to recall what they had said. Some kind of question, hastily thrown back at him? The memory was too hazy to grasp, but he was sure that this was it. Something along the lines of "Why would you ask such a question". Hadn't Envy changed the topic immediately after? Ed inhaled sharply and Al stared at him questioningly. 

"You're right." Ed said, quickly. There was no way he could change things right now, Al would just be more suspicious if he asked him to leave. "I'm just... shaken. That whole ordeal was... A bit much. I can't believe we got your body back. Finally." 

Al smiled at him so warmly that lying to him almost stung. Almost wasn't enough to make him explain this to his brother, though. 

"I know. It's crazy." Alphonse giggled. "I want to eat so many things but I really have to take it slow. I threw up multiple times already because apparently-", he gestured towards his petite frame, "- this body still can't handle normal quantities of food." 

The way Al spoke about himself was just odd. "You mean this new vessel of yours doesn't do well with the recommended amount of human sustenance?"   
"Yes. I just said that, why would--" Al began, but got the joke, "You're a dick."

"I know, I know. Talking about food, have you had dinner yet?" Alphonse nodded. "Yeah. Tiny portion of bland oatmeal." 

"Sounds delightful. Feel ready for a tiny portion of actual food? I haven't eaten since-", he stopped, brieftly. Yesterday, actually, but he wasn't gonna tell Al. "- quite a while ago." 

Who was he, explaining himself to his younger brother? But for now, it just had to be that way. Just until Envy was save, back at his place. Then, when Ed was home as well, they could talk things through slowly. Calmly, hopefully. 

They ate, Ed pretended to be fine, tried to stop himself from checking the time every couple of minutes.   
How long until Al felt comfortable with leaving?   
Could Ed risk telling him that he was tired?   
He had to, he would positively explode if he had to wait any longer.   
Envy could actually be in danger!  
What if they hadn't found a stone soon enough and now had to pretend being Fuery?   
They probably didn't even know where Fuery lived! 

Ed anxiously straightened his spine and looked over at Al, who had closed his eyes in content after a very small, but apparently good, dinner. 

"Al, I'm not trying to rush you, but I think I'm gonna go to bed soon-ish." Great. That way it sounded like he didn't care if Al stayed the night. Truth be told, he didn't. Al seemed feeble enough to sleep like a stone after eating even a bite of food. He'd just leave either way. He'd explain it all later. There had to be a way.

"Oh!" Al opened his eyes, looking at him excusingly, "It is really late, sorry!" Then, sheepishly, he added "And Mei is probably staying up, waiting."   
Ed smiled. So she came back here with him as well? "I'm so happy for you."

"We're--" Al seemed so awake all of a sudden, "We're not together or anything, she's so young and I don't want to, you know, lead her on or anything, I was just in Xing for the medicine and now we're here and we're ... actually just friends." 

Ed nodded. "It's fine, Al. You're just 17 yourself. You're in no rush. Wait it out for a bit, I'm sure she won't lose interest, even in a couple of years."   
Al smiled at him. "That's what I'm doing. Friends for now, we'll see if anything changes in, say, five years. If she still has a crush on me then, we can get married." 

Ed laughed. "Married? That's an interesting first step in a relationship."  
But Al didn't answer, he just slapped Ed's shoulder as he got up, and proceeded to walk to the door. 

"I'll check in with you in a couple of days, we could explore the city with Mei, she hasn't seen a lot of it yet."

"Sure!" Ed lied. "G'night!"   
"Have a good sleep, brother."

But boy oh boy, was Ed not gonna get any sleep. He counted the seconds, estimating when Al would definitely be gone far enough so he could safely leave the house and get back to that blighted train. That had been way too much travel for one day, but there was no way he was going to wait any longer.]


	14. A Mouse

Envy hadn't encountered any problems finding and securing a philosopher's stone, really.  
Not that it had been right where they had hoped for, but because Fuery's body was, against everything that Envy had believed, surprisingly agile.  
Sure, their hamstrings kind of hurt and their muscles shook when they put weight on it now, but they had also easily collected two more bodies on their way to find another puppet room. Poor guards, really. Just in the wrong place at the wrong time, asking the wrong person the wrong questions. 

They looked down the hallway, filled with puppet soldiers, now caged and clawing at the metal bars. They'd be free soon enough. Envy didn't even need to open any doors. Slight shape shifting, such as making one arm long enough to fit through the bars and around one of their necks, worked just fine. 

They shook, muscles contracting but sooner or later went quiet, one by one. 

Envy felt their mind filling with fragments of stones, some echos and voices finally entering their lonely head again. It had been so quiet, they wouldn't even have questioned if their own thoughts had echoed back at them in the hollow halls of their mind. 

But it had been quiet. Just their own thoughts in a deep, dark sea. 

They hadn't noticed it so much when Ed had still been around, but when he'd left, they had felt like someone had wrapped them in cotton wool, maybe cupped their ears or just pushed them underwater. Now there was quiet whispering, when they listened closely.  
Soon enough it'd be back to scattered talk. They could finally go back to that. Speak to individuals if they felt like it, ignore them all when they felt like it. It was the only situation they truly were in control over. Their voices were Envy's voices and their pain was Envy's fuel.

Whispers, to hushed voices, to talk, to screaming. 

Envy closed their eyes after they had absorbed the very last puppet soldier. The room around them had gone quiet, there was no more clawing at bars, no more shuffling of feet. Their inside had started to roar, though. They wouldn't be alone again. They were back in control of so many lives, such power. And they were finally able to shift back to their very own body. 

Once they did, they just stood there, quietly, eyes still shut, just breathing in... and back out. 

They let a finger trail down their exposed thigh, over the place where the ouroboros tattoo was located. What would they do with their new freedom and power?

What would they do with it? Envy's eyes snapped open. They had been so fixated on finally getting their body back, they hadn't even planned any further. The last time they had been forced to make this decision, suicide had been a real option. Did they go through all of this trouble just to kill themselves?  
Envy hummed to themselves, quietly, kind of like Lust would do when all conversation had come to an end and everything was quiet and all of them were left with just the voices inside.  
It helps, she had told them. But she felt different about the situation than they had.  
Maybe they understood her a little better now. Either way, they should get out of here first.  
Maybe find a cozy place to sleep. Things would be different in the morning.  
Hadn't Lust always said that as well? 

After a bit of consideration, the first real option on where to go that Envy could think of, apart from their old room that was surely used for something else now, was Ed's old room.  
Just a couple of floors above them, but still out of reach, really. They had no idea who would be in there right now, had no real chance of getting a key without doing a lot of snooping around first, and they really would prefer to leave this place, even if they would have liked to go back to that room.  
That evening where Ed had let them in seemed so far away. 

They weren't even angry at Ed.  
Envy had reacted in the exact same way when Mustang had killed Lust. It had been out of necessity, because she definitely would have killed him as well, but Envy had still been furious. It wasn't like they didn't understand Ed, they did. They hadn't wanted a "thank you" for saving him, it had been their only option anyway, they just had hoped for... a different outcome still.  
Nobody was to blame, really. Not even them, even though it was a surprising thought.

They let their feet lead the way, walking outside aimlessly, wandering through dark alleys and equally terribly lit park avenues. Envy could have done so many things. Shapeshift and find a place to sleep, go to a random party, go home with someone, but neither a warm bed nor a warm body would help. They decided on just sitting down on a park bench, staring at the trees in the dark.  
It felt terrible. They were kind of numb, but also really low. How did one even feel bad when feeling numb was the most noticeable feeling?  
There was a dull ache in their chest, but it was as if the feeling didn't quite register.  
Envy closed their eyes and listened to the rustling of the leaves above them. They would take real pain over this shit any day. This weird, dull lovesickness mixed with that general emptyness?  
What kind of human bullshit was that? Ed truly had rubbed off on them. 

Actually, they shouldn't even feel empty anymore to begin with! They lost track of the thought because, eventually, their fingers started to feel numb from the cold and it looked like it was starting to rain as well.  
Finally, the weather did reflect what they were feeling. Not a storm, just slight rain and a cool breeze.  
Thinking about how they weren't exactly distraught made them feel slightly better, actually. Empty and numb would work well for now. The state of the city made them want to hurt someone, though. Thinking about how their room, was now Mustang's? Everything here was now Mustang's. It was sick and wrong. Of all the people, Mustang was the one who was exactly as terrible as Wrath had been. Maybe worse. Actually, probably worse. Wrath didn't really act on pleasure and revenge. And those weren't good qualities for a leader, but what did Envy care. They didn't care for all of Amestris, Mustang could run it into the ground if he so felt like it. They did, however, care about how Mustang had gotten the cake and his chance to eat it, too. How on earth was there no karma reserved for something like this? Then again, if karma worked like that, they'd probably drop dead right where they were sitting. Even so, they didn't feel like just letting Mustang have it all. They were here, after all. They were here and they had nothing to do as well as a void to fill. 

Also, they were itching to shapeshift a little, now that it felt so easy again, powered by such an abundance of philosopher’s stones, it was almost funny.  
They just had to think about shifting and a couple of red sparks flew into the night. With a smirk, they stood back up. The short rest had actually helped. Or maybe that was their mania, but as long as they didn’t feel as numb anymore they didn’t really care what had brought the change. So, what was Mustang doing right now? Working late? Seducing women in a club? 

Envy remembered a certain blonde with a gun.  
Right. Mustang had been oddly fond of her. Maybe they should check on her instead.  
See if she was alright.  
Make sure she wasn’t. 

Shifting into the most boring, mundane looking person they could think of, they tried to remember the way to Lt. Hawkeye’s place. They had to memorise all of these details a while back, but they hadn’t really used the knowledge in a bit. Their feet, however, found the way, just as they had found the way to the park when they had needed a place to just wind down for a moment.  
Muscle memory really was impressive sometimes. Envy briefly wondered if that was a human thing as well. Did humans have to think about where they were going all the time?  
Probably not. Their bodies were similar enough and humans were absolutely capable of walking and talking at the same time.  
Hawkeye’s place was lit in a dim, orange light. Maybe she’d lit some candles. How romantic. 

An idea popped into Envy’s head. Mustang had been really very fond of her.  
Fond of her two the point that Envy hadn’t even questioned the two of them being together. It had ultimately almost cost them their live, but this time they could use it to their advantage.  
They weren’t sure if anything had change, but the both of them had been close. Close enough to start changing it now if Envy so felt like it. And if they had already gotten together, even better. So they didn’t have to stay in this boring form. But for now, they would find out if Mustang wasn’t with her. If there was anything that made shapeshifting obvious, it was having the same person in a room twice.  
Just how were they going to see inside? They cleared their throat, stretched their arms and legs, and turned into the tiniest mouse they could think of. There had to be a way inside.  
These house weren’t built well, and Envy knew that because Envy had trouble sleeping almost all the time because the cold just always seemed to find away inside, through cracks in the wall, cracks under doorframes, windows that didn’t shut properly…  
A mouse would be able to get inside. 

And a mouse certainly was able to get inside with ease. They didn’t even have to take any weird ways, the front door wasn’t even touching the ground completely.  
They had never seen worse architectural design choices, but they couldn’t complain. Inside, they looked around. Empty front room. And by empty, they didn’t only mean that there was nobody there, there was literally nothing there. It was as if nobody even lived there. At least, not a human. It was very reminiscent of the homunculis rooms, Envy thought. Humans usually liked to at least hang up some family pictures. Maybe Hawkeye didn’t have a family. But something she liked, surely?  
Envy jumped along the corridor. Mice really had a funny walk.  
It was quiet. They stopped for a second, listening.  
The sound of a page being turned. Did everyone in this city love reading or was that just the military? 

They followed the sound into an equally empty bedroom and found Riza sitting on the floor, cross-legged, one of her knees under the heating table. As if that was gonna keep her warm? Odd.  
A sudden movement made Envy scurry backwards, and they were certainly glad they had, because it was a dog.  
The beast slid across the wooden floor, clawed paws not quite finding any grip, and collided with the doorframe. Stupid idiot, Envy thought, while rushing back outside.  
A faint memory with Hawkeye and a dog came to Envy’s mind and they cursed themselves.  
They had known she had a pet dog and they hadn’t thought of it before risking their life as a fucking mouse?  
Honestly, maybe they were the stupid idiot here.  
At least they had fit through the gap again without any problems and survived their short little endeavour without missing limbs or anything.  
Outside, they waited for a moment, catching their breath and listening to Hawkeye trying to calm her dog down. 

With a sigh, they shifted straight into Mustang. They didn’t hate it nearly as much as they thought they’d hate it. Envy had spent way too long staring at Mustangs face, twisted with rage, to ever be able to see it, or imagine him, any other way, but his body felt pretty good, surprisingly. It was a blessing and curse of their shapeshifting.  
They really had to concentrate hard to only shift parts, so working out any flaws wasn’t that easy, but it wasn’t really needed with Mustang either way. 

It felt pretty much exactly how they would have imagined it. Like someone who spent a lot of time making sure they wouldn’t be out of breath even after a fight. Definitely not as flexible as they would have liked, they were pretty sure touching their own toes might be a problem with these legs, but definitely strong enough to feel more stable than they usually did. Even though they probably wouldn’t have to fight Hawkeye.

Crazy, what that build did for their confidence. Maybe they should have chosen a larger body as their „own“. Leaning against the wall, they took their time adjusting to the new body.  
They moved their fingertips, straightened their spine, turned their head from side to side, tried to recall Mustang’s usual gestures and mannerisms. A straight face, maybe a hint of a smile now and then, since they were about to speak to Riza Hawkeye, Mustangs oh-so-precious lieutenant. 

They knocked on the door, poker face on.  
Hawkeye’s footsteps were unsure, quiet. She stood in front of the door for a few seconds before opening it just a notch and peeking outside.

„Colonel!“, she sounded surprised, but managed to put on her stern face rather quickly. 

„Lieutenant, I need to speak to you. Right now, I’m afraid.“ Envy said, pretty proud of themselves for absolutely nailing the usual tone of Mustang’s voice.  
She opened the door and stepped to the side, so they could enter. 

The dog stared at them like he’d seen a ghost, baring his teeth for just a second, but he didn’t make a sound.  
The scent must be convincing enough, Envy concluded. Lucky them. Especially since Hawkeye hadn’t looked at the dog at all, she’d been ogling them instead. 

It was infuriating, how were these two not together already? Envy didn’t even care for either of them, but it was just annoying to watch. This wasn’t the time to play with Hawkeye, though. They wanted to play with someone more important and they wouldn’t settle for anyone less than Mustang himself. Even though the thought of getting back at that sharpshooter was tempting as well, Envy felt like they could still feel where the bullets had hit, when they concentrated on it. 

„There’s been quite the commotion.“, Envy said, eyes fixed on Hawkeye, who had put on such a stern look, it was kind of funny.  
„Yes? What about?“, she looked genuinely worried. She probably had every right to be, if they weren’t together it would be strange to just have Mustang appear at night randomly. 

„I…“ Envy pretended to gather their thoughts. „I can’t tell you. You need to trust me on this one.“  
Hawkeye eyed him, more interested in the situation than suspicious. Good. She had no clue, this time.

„I came here to ask you a favour, though.“ They added, letting their voice fade to a softer tone.  
Hawkeye sighed. „A favour?“ 

Envy smiled. So she was kind of fed up with Mustang then?  
„Yes.“ They put on a worried face, eyebrows furrowed. Then, after a few seconds, they looked away solemnly. 

„What is it?“ Hawkeye demanded, now back to her previous tone.  
„It’s…“ Envy took their time, counting down in their head. „It’s important but I cannot disclose any details yet. You will have to act immediately, today.“

Hawkeye straightened her spine. „Yes. What is it?“  
„Remember Maria Ross and how I managed to get her out of the city? We need to do something similar again. You need to somehow fake your own death, and quite quickly as well, and I can’t stay here with you while you do it. I have to get going right away, and you will have to do the same.“ They looked at their pocket watch. „You have around half an hour. Do you think you will be able to make it or do I need to send for assistance with anything? You’ll have to leave town through the southern gate where I’ll have someone positioned to pick you up.“ 

Hawkeye stared at them, suddenly a little pale around the nose.  
„I— Yes, of course. Are you safe, Colonel?“ 

Envy nodded once. „Yes, I have it under control but this has utmost priority. This has to work out smoothly and quickly, do you understand?“  
She nodded. „Yes.“ 

„Don’t report back, not even in code. I will get back to you in four weeks time.“  
Hawkeye nodded yes again. 

Envy mimicked her expression. Humans loved that. It made them feel so safe, silly little things.  
„I’ll come for you. You’ll be safe. And so will I, don't worry." 

And with that, once again, Envy turned and left.


	15. A Great Feeling

This should be fun. Now they just had to give Hawkeye some directions to the cavern they had been staying in for a while when they’d been on a mission a few months ago. She could stay there without ever meeting a single person, but surviving would be easy enough, be it through nature itself or one of the small villages that were close enough to get to and back from in a day. 

When Envy came back from their little quest of leading Hawkeye out of the city, the night sky had begun to clear up. Dawn seemed to be drawing near, but right now, they needed to do something else, before going to sleep. Even though they felt wide awake, they closed their eyes, concentrated on the stone, and used some of its power instead of napping. They had something better to do than nap, and things like that were always more fun at night. Envy shifted back to their sad, chubby excuse of a teenage body that they’d inherited from Fuery. Back to Mustang, it was. 

Now, Envy told themselves, already a little nervous while thinking about it, don’t fuck this up. Hawkeye you could take, but Mustang, you really can’t. Don’t fuck this up. If he notices anything is amiss, he will kill you. And he won’t even do it quickly. You know it. Don’t fuck this up.  
Don’t fuck this up. 

They walked back towards the military headquarters, up the stairs, down the hallway. And stood in front of Mustangs door, hands shaking. They steeled themselves, before barging in without knocking.  
„C-c-„ they began, gasping for air. „C-colonel!!“ 

Mustang, who seemed to have fallen asleep at his table — what an idiot — jumped a little.  
„Fuery!“ He blinked a couple of times, then stood up. „What’s the matter.“

„It’s Riza! She tried to call headquarters but—“ they gesticulated wildly with their hands „— I don’t know, there seemed to be something seriously wrong and—“ they grabbed their uniform and twisted it between their fingers „I couldn’t make the…“ they gasped, once again, „The line. It kept breaking up and I really tried to— it broke and — I don’t know what happened, it really shouldn’t have, it’s like someone cut her off!!!“  
Mustang, who looked like he had seen a ghost, didn’t answer immediately. His hands, that he’d placed on the table when he stood up, slipped off and were now hanging limply at his sides. But they were shaking. 

Oh, it was delicious. Better than Envy had imagined, even! And they hadn’t even gotten started yet! They really had to stop themselves from smiling, here. 

„W-we should really check on her!“, they squeaked. How pathetic that voice was. But so useful!  
Mustang was already walking, past Envy without even giving them a second glance. „Follow me, we might need you if we need to contact backup and there’s more trouble with the lines.“ 

They reached Hawkeye’s place in record time. Envy was glad to have their own strength back, because if they remembered correctly, Fuery would have been about to die just now. They could still pretend, though. They coughed, grabbing Mustang’s sleeve.  
„Shouldn’t we make sure there’s nobody there?“ They asked, worriedly.  
Mustang ignored them. This was going quite well. Apparently grabbing his sleeve wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Good news, that meant that they could get pretty close when things were about to go down. 

Mustang knocked, once, waited for just a couple of seconds, then kicked in the door.  
Hawkeye didn’t have bad taste, Envy thought. Mustang really did care about her and he really was attractive when he did. 

They straightened their posture, having rested their hands on their knees to „catch a breath“, and followed Mustang inside, interested. What had Hawkeye planned? Was it going to look real? She’d seen real in the Ishval war, so they were pretty certain she’d do good. Either way, it wouldn’t backfire on them right away. Even if it looked like she’d been kidnapped, Mustang would send them away to tell headquarters while looking around himself.  
But it really did not. There was blood splattered on the wooden floor, and Envy had to admit, Hawkeye really had gone all the way, here. She must have actually taken blood with a syringe, and quite the amount as well, and then spilled it, while also knocking over things in her flat Envy hadn’t even seen there before. Impressive, really. There was even a human sized pile of ash at the end of the room. Ironic, really, considering they were here with the flame Alchemist himself. How Hawkeye had managed that, Envy didn’t know, but they didn’t care either. 

What they did care about was Mustang. They threw him a glance. It was perfect. He was shaking like a leaf, kneeling down next to the scattered ash. He picked something up from the floor. It seemed to be a piece of jewellery or something. Glittery and gold, that was all Envy could really tell from their distance.  
Mustang whispered something, but Envy didn’t understand. 

„W-what happened?“ They began, sounding as thoroughly shocked as they could muster.  
Mustang didn’t even snap at them. He didn’t even say anything at all. He just looked defeated, his neck seemed to have lost all strength as his head bobbed down and almost hit his chest.  
Envy let realisation dawn on Fuery’s face, even though they were pretty sure Mustang couldn’t see them, then moved towards him and dropped down to their knees next to him. 

Mustang pocketed the piece of jewellery and pressed his ash stained, gloved fingers to his lips as if to not scream out loud. Tears were running down his face, his hair was a mess already. Envy hadn’t even noticed him running his hands through it, but he clearly had. 

They placed their arms around his shoulders. 

„Colonel…“ they whispered. „I’m so—“, they took a shaky breath „So sorry! I should have— I should—“  
Mustang sobbed. Actually, loudly sobbed. A wet, pathetic sound, broken free from his very core.

Envy closed their eyes for a second, hugging him closer.  
More sobs followed. They rested their cheek on his shoulder, letting the small earthquakes shake them. 

How their siblings had liked anything else more than this, they had never quite understood. Sure, sex was good. Owning things was good. Feeling good about achievements was nice, fancy food and being well rested were good, being able to go ape shit was good.  
But this? Feeling someone tremble at your feet? Having power over someone like this? Knowing that a person that once looked down on you now was breaking to pieces under your hand? That you were in absolute control? Perfect. So much better than any orgasm, any achievement or material thing could ever be. 

„Shh.“ Envy didn’t let go of Mustang for a second, and he really didn’t seem to mind.  
„Not another one.“ Mustang’s voice was so raw. It tasted like dark honey to Envy, then. 

„It’s not your fault…“ they whispered.  
„I should have kept her protected..!“

„How could you have known?“ Envy reminded themselves to keep calm. Their voice was shaky, but not from them trying to sound upset, but from their own excitement. This wasn’t good, but they got away with it just fine in this situation since obviously Mustang wasn’t able to tell.

„I… I just should have!“ He weakly pushed Envy back a little. „It’s like Maes all over again!“ Mustang whimpered. 

It really was like Maes all over again, Envy had to agree. Even better, but really similar. Finally seeing that expression on his face shift when he remembered that he wouldn’t be able to return home to his oh, so precious family? Priceless. He had rubbed it in everyone’s faces enough that Envy wouldn’t even have needed the picture of Gracia to take her form. But it certainly had helped. After all, they’d been trying their best not to look at the happy faces on the pictures Maes Hughes had been so intent on showing everyone.  
They reached out a hand and wiped some of the tears from Mustangs face. That was probably out of line for Fuery, but Mustang wasn’t in a place to comment on it just now. And Envy really needed it. God, did that feel good.

„Let’s get you back to headquarters.“ They whispered, hoping they’d be able to get some more talk out of Mustang while they were walking. Far from it, apparently, because Mustang shook his head.

„You go on ahead, Fuery. I’ll look around here. Notify everyone. We need a squad ready to turn this whole city upside down if need be. If there is just the slightest chance that…“ he stopped, not wanting to jinx anything by saying it out loud, clearly „—uh, we need to do what we can.“

Envy nodded. It wasn’t what they had hoped for but they certainly weren’t going to risk anything now and push their luck. Mustang already seemed to think about the fact that this might have been a setup and Envy sure as hell wouldn’t be around once he figured out that he was right. 

„Understood. Be careful, Colonel!“


	16. A Former Fullmetal Alchemist

When they were around the first corner, they dropped the Fuery act finally, because hell, that body was uncomfortable. Any other body would do. Just some random person.   
They were walking around aimlessly for a bit, watching the first rays of morning sun crawl over buildings and find its way into the corners of the streets. Edward walked past them. Envy stopped. Ed? Why was he here? They turned around, following him with his eyes for a few seconds before scoffing to themselves and continuing on their way. Of course Ed was back. Impulsive little brat. Probably looking for them, as well. 

But they weren’t done here. They’d find him easily enough once they had gotten Mustang a little closer to his breaking point. 

When Mustang reported back at Headquarters, Envy had already spent around two hours at that god forsaken place, having a look here, checking up on everyone there, switching bodies quick enough to make themselves a little lightheaded from time to time. It was still fun. Their power was at an all time high with all the new bits and pieces of stones and souls. They really had no reason to try and save their strength right now, especially since at this very moment, they were waiting for a moment of calm in Mustang’s office. 

People had been going in and out this entire day, but Riza had clearly left the city with such ease and skill that literally nobody had noticed. But now, everything slowly came to a halt, everyone had told Mustang what they knew, he was getting more and more desperate for any kind of intel. Envy hummed quietly, watching the hallway from the position they had assumed, pretending to be patrolling whenever someone passed through. It really was beautiful. Their plans never worked out quite as smoothly, but leave it to Mustang’s lap dog, they guessed. What a skilled woman. Envy would have been jealous, but honestly, both Hawkeye and Mustang were doing exactly what Envy wanted them to, so who was the skilled one, really? 

They knocked on Mustangs door after nobody had even passed through the hallway in almost half an hour.   
„Yes?“ He sounded so tired. Envy closed their eyes with a smile and took a breath in, trying to preserve this feeling for later. 

„Long time no see.“, they said, stepping in with a smirk, slowly shapeshifting back to their preferred form and savouring the horror that crept up on Mustangs face. It shifted to anger in an instant, suddenly leaving Envy a little uncertain. Had they thought this through? They should explain the situation before they got their eyes burnt out again.

„I have good news for you“, they purred, letting an almost seductive tone play over the fear that would have taken control of their voice. „Your girlfriend is fine.“  
Mustang was clearly relieved but still shaking with anger, his knuckles white on the armrests of his chair. 

„What—“, he spat the word, „do you want?“   
Envy sauntered closer, smiling, and sat down on Mustang’s table, legs crossed.   
„Hmmm.“ They pretended to think. They just wanted Mustang to beg, and then, to preferably never hear from him again. They couldn’t kill him, so this was the best alternative, they had figured.   
„Remember when you tried to kill me?“ Envy arched their back, stretching lazily. „When you burnt me so many times I lost count?“  
Mustang didn’t answer, he looked as pale as he had for just a second when he had realised that Envy had actually killed his friend.

„You know, I can’t burn your girlfriend even one time without killing her, so that’s no fun!“, they muttered with a shrug while Mustang seemed to restrain himself from strangling them to death.   
The added thrill of adrenaline in their veins just from Mustang’s furious gaze made it even better, somehow.

„What do you want?“, he repeated, voice strained.   
„Beg me.“ Envy narrowed their eyes but kept their voice sweet. 

Mustang blinked, clearly replaying the question in his head to make sure he’d heard them correctly.  
„Beg me to let her go, beg me to help you.“, they added, softly.

For a moment, there was nothing but tense silence, Envy keeping their guard up, Mustang keeping himself from jumping them. Then, he caved. Clearly he could swallow his pride for Hawkeye, he’d done so before.

„Is she hurt?“, he asked, surprising Envy slightly. They figured he’d get straight to the begging.   
„Not even a scratch on her.“, they answered. „But she’ll die where she is now, so you might want to cooperate soon-ish.“ 

The Colonel mustered Envy sceptically. „You set all of that up?“   
Was Mustang trying to find out if Riza had cooperated? Back to offense, then.  
„So you're not agreeing to my terms? Kill me now and never see her again.“ Envy smiled, deciding not to answer his questions this time.

Mustang seemed to have seen through some of the plan, but he was unsure if he wanted to risk anything, if Envy could trust themselves to understand the man in front of them that well. They did feel like Mustang and they were weirdly connected, now that they’d seen him in all kinds of situations. 

Mustang looked at them, pale and tired. Was he going to trust them?   
„Please.“, he began quietly.  
Apparently so, then.   
„Just let her go.“ 

Envy smiled at him, shuffling closer on the desk. „Ah, of course.“, they whispered, „Will you promise to not come after me? Swear an oath?“ 

„You’re scared?“ Mustang kept up the eye contact. All strong and hardheaded, even now.   
They looked at his gloved right hand, then at the other glove that was still lying on the table.   
„Scared of humans? Never. I just don’t want to have to watch my back all day. I’m so done with this city and I don’t want you following me into the next. Swear an oath.“ 

Mustang was quiet for a bit, then he nodded. „For Hawkeye.“  
„Hm?“ Envy looked back up at him, but he shook his head.  
„I swear to not get involved with you again, to not follow you. However, I will kill you if you come back here, or if Hawkeye is hurt.“   
Envy smiled. „Hawkeye is fine. Fuery is dead though.“ 

Mustang’s breathing hitched, realising what that meant.   
„You little…“, he began. „Why would—“, he stopped himself, grinding his teeth.   
„Hoenstly, it was an accident.“ Envy let themselves slip off the table and— 

The door flew open, Ed burst into the room, panting.   
„The fuck happened?“, he hissed, clearly fighting the urge to yell. 

Mustang let his eyes wander to Ed and realisation dawned on his features.   
„You. You took Envy. This is your fault, Fullmetal. Of course it’s you.“   
Envy threw another glance at Ed, then back at Mustang. They weren’t sure if this was gonna be good or really quite bad. 

Ed ignored Mustang, walked towards Envy, grabbed their wrist and pulled them behind him.   
"What did you do?!" he hissed, and Envy almost laughed. Honestly, what was this? 

[It was ridiculous. One night, he'd been gone. One night. Not even twelve hours had passed and Envy had somehow managed to get here, even though Ed wasn't exactly sure why they were still alive and well, considering that they were in a room with Roy. 

Envy turned their wrist so that Ed had to let go. He looked at them. They didn't look tired at all, in fact, they had a glow about them and their smirk was so poised that he didn't even know how to feel about it. They didn't seem like they were going to talk to him, either.   
So Ed shut up. It was no use. If they were gonna fight, so be it, but not right now. This was dangerous, especially since Ed had no idea what exactly had been going on. Had Envy killed Riza? Kidnapped Riza? 

Edward turned to look at Roy, who seemed angry, but mostly just burnt out. Actually, he looked like he might collapse onto the table in front of him any second.   
"Roy." he took a couple of steps towards him.   
"What happened. I'll make it right, I promise." 

Roy eyed him, anger fading from his eyes and coming back in a matter of seconds.   
"Edward Elric." he said, dryly.   
Ed raised a brow. That sounded like a parental speech might follow, but nothing happened for a few seconds.

"I never want to see your face in HQ again. Actually, I never want to see your face again in general. Leave. Take that bastard and leave.", he cocked his head into the general direction of Envy. 

Edward was actually quite surprised. Sure, he had expected a speech, a fight, some yelling... anything, really, but not this. This place had become a second home to him, Roy had been, however hard it was to admit, some kind of father figure. This hurt. But he nodded. 

This wasn't the time or the place to argue. He grabbed Envy's wrist again, this time more gently.   
"You heard the man." Ed said, voice incredibly firm considering that his insides felt like jelly. 

Envy threw a glance over his shoulder at Roy, and even though Ed couldn't see their expression, he guessed that it was a smirk. 

Ed didn't say a word when they closed Roy's door behind them. He didn't say a word when they left the building, didn't say anything while they were walking through the streets that were slowly coming alive with people opening their shops. 

Envy let themselves be pulled and directed, and Ed was glad for it. He really just needed them safe for a bit. He didn't even care what had happened after he had left, at least not this very second. It was partially his fault and he needed a break right now. But not before he'd gotten Envy somewhere... somewhere.]


	17. A Human Gesture

"Ed." Envy said, softly.   
He seemed so done. It was endearing, but also worrying. 

All the highs and lows that the past hours had brought with them seemed long ago, now that they saw Ed's small frame in front of them, his hair a tangled mess, only somewhat resembling a braid. 

Ed, generally looking so much more fragile than usual.   
He stopped and turned to them for the first time since he'd burst into Mustang's office. He looked nearly as tired and shaken as Mustang had, and he really hadn't been through that much. Had he?   
"Stop. You need to sit down, you're gonna pass out." 

Ed looked at him, anger burning behind those golden eyes of his. "Yes, I know, but you keep doing... things... man, I don't know, I can't fix this right now, but I fucked up, okay? I fucked up but I need you safe before I can sleep!" 

Envy raised a brow. That certainly hadn't been a priority of Ed's for a while now, but he was clearly being sincere. So sincere, it kind of hurt them.   
"I'm safe.", was the best Envy could offer right now. 

But he didn't seem satisfied with that at all. "How? Roy is right around the fucking corner, and some shit is up with Riza and--" 

Envy shook their head. "Ed, calm down. I got this. He didn't kill me, did he? And I was right there with him. It's fine. I just told him "thanks for the memories" and "fuck off"." 

"What's with Riza?" Ed took a deep breath to steady himself.   
"She's fine." That seemed to help, Edward nodded quickly, clearly almost as relieved as Mustang had been. 

"I'll tell her to get back to Mustang and they'll have their happy ever after, I'm sure." Envy tilted their head to the side. "But what's with you? You were so eager to get away, now you're so eager to get me to safety? I don't need saving, I just saved myself."

They just stared at each other for a moment. 

"I know." Ed muttered after a while. "Not like I could really help you right now, anyway. I'm good in hand-to-hand, but so are you, and I can't even do Alchemy. Pretty useless, but it's the price I have to pay. But I can't leave you. Not again. I'm sorry. Honestly."

"So you keep saying." Envy remembered that this had been Edwards reasoning for taking them "home" in the first place. But they weren't a stray puppy and they didn't exactly need charity. They didn't need pity and they didn't need sympathy. Still, this whole ordeal made every inch of their body ache with something they couldn't place. 

"I mean it. I'm sorry for what happened. That was fucked up. I can’t believe you killed a friend of mine."   
"You do know I was saving your sorry ass?"   
"I do." Ed sighed. “It’s the reason I came back. Obviously I’m upset but I know you took the only chance to help me that you had so it’s not even your fault.”

Envy looked at him for a while, studied Ed’s tired features like they hadn’t seen them so many times before. The slender nose, the pale skin, the... incredibly tired looking eyes. He really was a mess right now. 

“Let’s get you a place to sleep.” Envy said, deciding not to talk to Ed about things right now.   
“Will you stay?” Ed asked, looking at them almost pleadingly.

“If that makes you fall asleep faster.” Envy shrugged. They weren’t angry anymore, it just wasn’t possible with the way Ed had come back without even resting first. They did understand how he must have felt about Fuery. 

They reached out a hand, certainly uncertain, and placed it on Edwards cheek. Envy realised that they had never really dared to touch his face or hold his hand, like humans liked to do. The skin felt soft and warm under their fingers.   
“Thank you.”, they mumbled, suddenly unable to look him in the eye. “For coming back.”

Ed smiled at them mischievously.  
“Look at that, you’re a romantic.”, he muttered and Envy pulled their hand away immediately. Shame prickled on their skin in form of a slight blush. They felt stupid for thinking about wanting to hold Ed’s hand. 

Ed laughed, a tired but very honest laugh, and pulled Envy after him again, on their wrist like he was pulling a sibling away from something. Envy shouldn’t have minded as much as they did, but they couldn’t help it.   
Apparently though, Ed knew a place to sleep already. Hopefully it wasn’t the Hughes house.


	18. A Hotel Room

It wasn’t. What Ed had in mind clearly was just an expensive looking hotel. Well, he did deserve some quality sleep in a nice bed, Envy supposed. They followed without talking much, still kind of embarrassed. Maybe they should have kept to not talking much from the beginning, but if they were being honest they didn’t really regret anything, things weren’t too bad. If just this feeling of uncertainty could leave them. Clearly Edward liked them. He did. He hadn’t necessarily said so, but that wasn’t important, was it? Surely if he didn’t like them, he wouldn’t have come back and wouldn’t have taken them in from the hospital in the first place. He ought to like them.   
They threw a glance over at Ed’s profile while he was talking to the receptionist.  
Who goes through this kind of trouble for sex? Edward Elric was a well known name as well. Surely he could find himself some willing fool quite quickly?   
When exactly had this turned bittersweet? They remembered being surprised at a „fullmetal crush on Envy“ not too long ago. It felt like at least two years. Both Ed and Envy themselves had been different people. Ed had been flustered and nervous when even thinking about them, clearly.   
Envy hadn’t been. Then again, Envy hadn’t been scared of fire back then, either. How things had changed. 

When Ed had managed to unlock the door to the room, which definitely took him a couple of tries, bless his tired heart, Envy wandered inside and took a quick look around. It was pretty luxurious. Clearly Edward wasn’t joking around when it came to money. 

„I, uh, I’m heading straight to bed.“ Edward muttered while already changing out of his clothes.   
Envy smiled. „Treat yourself.“  
„Will you stay with me?“ Ed asked, again. 

„I already told you I would.“ Envy sighed, sitting down on the bed. „I’m not going anywhere, I don’t have anything to do.“  
„Promise me.“ Damn, Edward really was bothering them with this, why did he not trust them to stay? They hadn’t planned on leaving, they needed a bit of downtime as well, even though they weren’t necessarily physically tired. 

They were about to say something snarky, but the pleading look in Ed’s eyes made them reconsider.  
„I promise I will stay here until you wake up, Edo.“, they muttered, weirdly flattered that Ed tried this hard just to have them sitting by his side while he slept. 

„Thanks!“ Ed’s face lit up, even his dark circles didn’t seem quite as bad when he smiled at them like this. „I know it’s probably gonna be really boring. Sorry ‘bout that.“ 

Envy shook their head. „It’s fine, I think I’ll probably get some shuteye as well.“ 

Before they knew, Ed had crawled into bed, rolled himself up into some kind of weird blanket-tornado and fell asleep. The entire ordeal had probably taken less than thirty seconds. Envy was quite impressed.   
They closed the curtains so the sunshine wouldn’t shine right into Ed’s face, even though clearly he didn’t mind anyway. Then, they looked around. Nothing much to do, they figured, quietly sitting down on the other side of the bed. The last time Envy had slept in a bed with Ed felt like an eternity ago, when it really hadn’t been very long ago.  
They reached out, a bit hesitantly and stroked Ed’s still incredibly tangled hair. They briefly wondered if Ed would let them brush it, but for now the only brushed the thought aside. Ed had joked about them touching his cheek, he’d definitely laugh at them if they were going to ask him if he wanted them to comb his hair. For now, they settled with the touch and the strange feeling of calm that washed over them. They weren’t a huge animal lover but the last time they’d felt anything similar was when they had touched a cat that had been laying outside, fur still warm from the sunshine. There was just something about sitting with someone who was asleep and stroking their hair, they guessed. 

One day, if they stayed with Ed long enough, maybe some of his newfound calm would rub off on them. Maybe they could carry themselves with the same genuine confidence. They smiled. They really hadn’t made Ed’s life much easier, had they? That whole ordeal must have been incredibly stressful, yet he hadn’t even mentioned that. Yet. Maybe he would yell at them once he’d slept. But Envy doubted it. 

They lay down next to him, placing one arm around him. They had refrained from cuddling when they had stayed at Ed’s new place, they had been kind of scared that they’d like it. But there was really no hiding from this anymore, this wasn’t just a crush they could get over by getting under someone else, they were pretty sure. If they hadn’t felt so good about the past few hours, they’d feel bad for making Ed suffer through that. He’d been so worried. Probably thought Envy would get themselves killed by Mustang. Envy replayed the scene of Ed bursting into the room in their head. How quickly he’d rushed in and pulled them away from Mustang, behind Ed. Not that it would have helped, even if Mustang had planned on fighting them. But it was the thought that counted, really. Envy felt flattered. Truly, they didn’t think that anyone in their entire life had cared about them as much. And they still kept questioning if Ed liked them, as if they didn’t already know.Envy pulled Ed a little closer. At least now he wouldn’t comment on it.

They must have fallen asleep at some point, because when they opened their eyes, Ed was already awake, looking back at them. A smile made his eyes all squinty when he noticed that Envy had opened theirs.   
Envy immediately backed off a little. They should have done that before falling asleep, really, but they did feel incredibly rested, so there was a silver lining.   
„I’d tease you, but that felt nice. We should do that more often.“ Ed grinned, rolled onto his back and stretched. Apparently he hadn’t dared to move before, because he did look a little stiff.   
Envy watched him for a few seconds.   
„Yeah.“, they admitted with a sigh.  
Ed threw them a slightly surprised glance. „Excuse me? Did you just agree?“

Envy got up, grumbling. Ed was really annoying. „Yeah, surprise, I like you.“   
They could just feel his grin.   
„Oh?“ Ed’s voice was pure evil. „You’re saying you, too, have a fullmetal crush?“   
Envy turned back around. „Why do you have to be like this, I’m trying my best to be nice to you and you’re—“, they took a deep breath, „ugh.“   
Ed held out a hand to them. „The past few days have been nothing but horrible. Let me have some fun.“   
Envy looked at his outstretched hand for a second before taking it, slightly irritated. They hoped they were meant to do that. 

Edward pulled them back down onto the bed and into a hug that made Envy’s spine creak.  
„I’m so glad nothing happened to you. I’m glad you’re still mostly a snarky asshole with commitment issues and not a ruthless murderer who went back to poison Mustang.“   
Envy didn’t say anything to that, there hadn’t been any fooling Ed since day one. They closed their eyes and just leaned into the hug, careful as to not put too much weight onto Edward. 

„Oh, poison would have been a nice idea.“, they muttered into the crook of his neck. „By the way, I need to get word out to Hawkeye and tell her that she can go back home.“   
Ed let a hand run down their spine and they couldn’t help but shiver a little at that. 

„You really managed to fool her and get her out of the city safely, without anyone noticing, and then went back and annoyed the hell out of Roy, huh? That’s quite impressive. I wish you hadn’t gotten involved with them again, but still.“   
„You would have done the same. Loose ends.“ 

Ed nodded before putting his chin on top of Envy’s head. „Probably would have tried to kill Roy.“   
Envy snorted. „Probably.“

They had royally fucked up their sleeping schedule. When dusk wrapped its heavy coat around the city, Envy had barely managed to get word out to Hawkeye and get back to the hotel, where Ed was waiting for them.   
He’d gotten himself a book. Typical.   
Judging by their surroundings he’d taken a bath as well, because the entire room was steamy and the smell of lavender soap floating about didn’t go unnoticed either.   
„That smells nice.“ 

„Glad you think so. I was hoping you’d come back before the water turned cold, and here you are.“ Edward said, caught their gaze and smirked. „Wanna take a bath?“   
Envy looked over to the bathroom, whistling through their teeth.  
„Ooh. Definitely!“

But reality caught up to them way too quickly. Both of them knew that they couldn’t stay in a hotel room forever, living off of takeaway food and throwaway towels.   
They had to eventually get back to Ed’s normal life, and if things turned out really bad, they would have to earn money as well. But Envy doubted that the military could just stop paying him because he’d brought them back.   
Two days later, both of them were itching to get away. There was just so much relaxation and procrastination either of them could take. Both of them were stressed as well as bored out of their minds. 

Where would they start? Leaving the city was a given, but going back to Ed’s new place would be almost the same as staying. The thought of his family had been looming over them, and Envy could only presume, both of them, for way too long now. If they got through them getting a new body, killing people to protect Ed, surely dinner with the family couldn’t be what tore them apart? Could it? 

They looked at Ed, who was perched on the windowsill on the other side of the room. He looked over at them once he noticed.   
„You alright?“, he asked.   
„Same as you. Bit weird, this whole thing.“  
„Isn’t it?“ Ed smiled at them.   
Envy wanted to smile back, but it came out a rather forced smile, they were sure.   
„We should go. Rip the bandaid off. Just let Al yell at us for a while and maybe it’ll be fine eventually?“   
Ed turned back towards the window. „Either way, waiting around will probably kill us.“ 

And so it had been decided. They would try to make it all work.


	19. A Terrible Feeling

When the house was finally visible on the horizon, dusk had already cloaked the night sky in a deep blue.  
Envy would have enjoyed it if they hadn’t been so stressed out. How Ed wanted to introduce them to his chosen family, Envy didn’t know.  
„Hey, this is one of the Homunculi I‘ve been fighting earlier. We are now dating, kind of.“ 

They weren’t even sure what exactly they were doing. It definitely was more than a fling if Ed planned on introducing them to his family.  
They still couldn’t quite get used to the fact that they apparently were wanted here, with Ed.  
Envy wasn’t so sure if his family would share that sentiment, though.  
Alphonse hadn’t been thrilled to see them, obviously.  
Winry, though, had apparently been okay with Scar, at least that’s what Envy had gathered.  
They should have asked Ed about that, really. 

„Hey Ed,“ Envy began, throwing him a quick glance before looking at the path in front of them again, „do you think we‘ll have to run..? Or fight?“  
Ed, who had caught their glance before, kept his eyes fixed on them. 

„No. I will be there this time. I’m sorry about what happened with Al. I can’t believe that happened to be quite honest. I will not leave your side, even for a second.“  
Envy felt a sense of calm wash over them. A strange feeling, especially if it came from Ed, who was anything but calm usually. 

„I’d say that I’m sure they’ll love you, and I actually believe they will, it’ll just take longer than it would if I had decided to fall for a human.” 

Envy looked back over. “I like the sound of that. ‘Fell for me’.”  
Ed grinned at them. “I knew you’d say that.”  
“And you still indulged me.”  
“Of course.” 

That night, Envy still couldn’t quite sleep. They spent at least an hour looking at Ed, who, despite all odds, fell asleep once his face had touched the pillow. He looked so peaceful. Also, scarily young. Sometimes it worried Envy that they had spent so much time on earth in comparison to Ed. Sure, the time they had spent had been a jumbled mess, split up between different personalities with the same core issues, but still! 

They couldn’t remember most of it though, flashes maybe, but definitely not like lifetimes full of experiences. If that had been the case, maybe they’d been better equipped for the mess they had gotten themselves into this time. 

They let the thought go, there was really no point in pondering this now, they’d just get stressed out over yet another problem, when the real issue was the day up ahead. 

It hurt to know that they couldn’t just erase their past and start new. At least they were pretty sure that Ed wouldn’t let them. It would be so easy, just picking out a new body to use around Ed’s family.  
But they knew better than asking Ed.  
They knew the answer. 

So they’d had to live with what they’d done. Killed people without even knowing anything about them. Really, they could have killed Ed, if the situation had just been slightly different.  
If the whole human sacrifice thing hasn’t been, well, a thing, then Envy couldn’t have cared less about Edward Elric.  
They would have wiped him from the face of this earth without even thinking twice — or knowing any better.  
They have had to push these kinds of thoughts aside, they had learned that in a past life and certainly hadn’t forgotten about that lesson.  
It was one of the things they remembered very, very clearly.  
They did not think about killing.  
Making it (seem like) a fun activity that made them feel better than humans had been the only way to cope with it. For them, personally. They had briefly thought about asking Lust, but they had decided against it rather quickly. Asking people about their feelings on a specific subject usually came with having to talk about your own feelings on that same subject.  
And they just.  
Couldn’t. 

Ed knocked on the door, that had quite literally popped up out of nowhere, without even giving Envy a second to talk to him.  
He probably thought that they had enough time during the walk.  
That really wasn’t the case though, Envy had a thousand questions left! 

An elderly woman opened the door and smiled at Edward.  
„Ed! At such a late hour! Why do you never give us a call before you visit? You missed dinner.“ 

Her eyes wandered over to Envy, who had to try their absolute hardest to not just shape shift into a mouse again and run. They put on another strained smile.  
„And who is your friend?“

Ed gave Envy a reassuring smile before answering.  
„That’s Envy. It’s a bit of a long story. Is Al home?“

The woman shook her head. „No, I haven’t heard from Alphonse in a couple of days, I believe. He did ask if he could come for dinner on Sunday though. Wanted to bring a friend as well.“ 

Ed nodded. „Guess we’ll see him then, unless I’m not invited.“  
With a snort she stepped aside and ushered Ed, as well as Envy, inside.  
„You know you’re always welcome. I think Winry might be asleep, she’s here for a few weeks, took a break from work, but that doesn’t stop her from working all day.“  
Ed sighed. „No sense of self-preservation.“ 

„That’s rich, coming from you.“ Envy muttered.  
The woman laughed. „Now this one, I like.“ 

„You’re just as bad as Pinako.“, Ed began, „I’m sure you’ll get along well.“  
The woman who was apparently called Pinako snorted. „I’m sure we will. Are you two hungry? You might have missed dinner but we do have a couple of leftovers.“  
Ed shrugged. „Sure, can’t decline some home cooking.“ 

When they sat down at the dinner table, with some snacks and a cup of warm tea in their hands, a weird sense of calm washed over Envy. Of course, Pinako didn’t yet know who they were and what they’d done, but maybe there was no need to tell her, maybe they could talk to Al about it and leave it at that.  
„So, where did the two of you meet?“  
The feeling of calm left as suddenly as it had come.

Envy looked over at Ed, who quietly cracked his knuckles, probably just to buy some time.  
„We met in Central.“, he stated bluntly after a few seconds.  
„Do you work there?“ Pinako asked, looking over at Envy with a friendly smile. She had noticed something was off. Her smile seemed a little tense.  
Envy swallowed. 

„Uh, yeah. I worked for an Alchemist, but I don’t do Alchemy myself.“, they had already thought about this answer a while ago, it wasn’t even much of a lie.  
Ed smiled at them.  
„We met on the battlefield. We weren’t quite on the same side so the topic is a bit of a sore spot.“, he added with a nod.  
Pinako hummed thoughtfully. „Oh? That sounds like quite the story, but I won’t pry, I promise.“ 

Envy took a sip of the tea. It really was weird how suddenly their life had changed. They were sitting at a table with Edward Elric, who, somehow, was their partner. They were introduced to his grandmother. Or, not-really-grandmother.  
The tea tasted sweet, she must have added some honey. They closed their eyes while taking another sip.  
Ed was with them, his grandma seemed friendly — and she had said that she liked them.  
There was really nothing they could be envious about right now. A terrible feeling, but not one they had felt in quite a while, actually.


	20. A Future

The next morning came way too soon. Winry was already downstairs when Edward had made them get some breakfast. She looked up, obviously intrigued. 

„Ed! Pinako told me you were home, but she also said that you’d brought a boyfriend, so I didn’t want to intrude earlier.“  
Ed grinned. „That’s why we could sleep in? I should have brought them over sooner!“ 

Envy studied Winry’s face. She didn’t look like she recognised them.   
They weren’t sure if they’d ever seen her while being in their preferred form but apparently they hadn’t met. 

„Hey Winry. Ed told me about you. I’m Envy.“   
She cocked her head to one side. „Did he? Only good things I hope?“

Envy nodded, hoping not to fuck this up sooner than absolutely necessary.   
„He said you were the best automail mechanic in, uh, the entire world, I believe.“   
Winry snorted. „It’s not like he’s seen much of the world.“

Ed shrugged it off. „That’s probably why I would say something like this. You’re probably the best mechanic in… this room, considering Pinako went to the bathroom.“ 

Winry worldlessly threw a piece of cheese at Ed.   
He didn’t bother moving away at all, he just pulled it off of his cheek and looked at it.   
„Gross.“ 

Envy couldn’t help but laugh. Humans really were so odd. If this is what childhood friends were supposed to be like, their relationship with Greed could have been much better. 

„I thought it was only milk you hated? Or is it all dairy now?“   
Ed didn’t even bother with an answer. 

„…What kind of a name even is Envy?“ Winry asked after a long pause.   
„My, uh, father didn’t really like me.“ Saying that out loud hurt a little, though. Maybe because it technically hadn’t been a lie.

Winry chewed on her bottom lip, clearly not having meant to offend or hurt anyone. She probably thought it had been a nickname of some sorts.   
Envy waved a hand, as if to blow the topic out of the room. „It really doesn’t matter anymore. I just never bothered to change the name.“   
They sat down next to her and offered Ed the chair to their other side. If they were gonna have breakfast they weren’t having it standing in the middle of the room like a dork. 

„Would you like to change it now?“ Winry asked, a little less chipper than earlier.  
They considered the question for a few seconds. They really hadn’t thought about it a lot. The thought had crossed their mind, but in the end, „Envy“ was just their name.   
„I don’t think so.“   
She smiled. „Then it really doesn’t matter. It’s kind of a cool name anyway. Even though it’s a bit weird.“ 

They spent the rest of the day together, Envy eventually helped prepare dinner with Winry and Pinako.   
Both of them really seemed to appreciate the help and didn’t ask questions.   
Both of them were also interested in the same oddly specific things, like what their favourite food was, if they enjoyed the countryside, when they’d fallen in love with Ed and if it had been romantic.   
They thought it had been, after Envy had done a terrible job of explaining just how they had fallen in love.   
Either way, there were no more questions about father, Envy’s past or anything of the sort.  
Maybe meeting Ed’s family hadn’t been such a bad idea after all. 

Envy took the thought back immediately when Alphonse arrived out of nowhere. All blood had drained from his face upon noticing them behind Pinako, who had opened the door.

„You.“ He hissed, looking over Envy’s shoulder at Ed, who already came running.  
„Al, don’t you dare hurt them. Let’s talk.“

Pinako scoffed. „Nobody is going to hurt anyone in my house. If you’re fighting, do it outside.“  
Envy backed up a little. The didn’t want to be caught in between them, and they didn’t want to fight. Especially not either of the Elric brothers. 

Alphonse gritted his teeth. „Okay, brother. Let’s talk.“ He took a deep breath in. „Let’s not even talk about the part where you lied to me at all, let’s just go straight to Envy. Do you remember who that is? Do you ACTUALLY remember?“ 

Pinako closed the door wordlessly behind him while Ed stepped in front of his brother.   
„I do.“, he hissed, „Do you remember when we were known as black magicians for necromancy? Do you remember when we killed people because the military told us to?“ 

„It’s not the same fucking thing. He started a war. You told me he was telling you so, proudly, if I remember correctly!“ 

Envy felt like they were choking on their own breath.   
They backed up a little more.

„They tried to kill us, they tried to make us human sacrifices for that homunculus.“ Alphonse seemed so done with the topic, like they had told the same thing to Ed a million times. 

It definitely rang a bell. Envy vaguely remembered Ed mentioning that he’d fought with Al because of them.

„And they helped me get out of the void. They also saved my life a couple of days ago.“   
Alphonse raised his brows. „Why did you need saving a couple of days ago?“  
Ed shook his head. „Why don’t you trust me when I say that they’re on our side?“

The brothers stared at each other, neither of them saying a word for a very long while.   
Envy felt something wet on their cheek and wiped at it, irritated.   
Were they crying? That didn’t even make any sense. 

Shouldn’t they be angry? Or feel protective of Ed? Ed who was trying to make Envy sound like a better person?   
They weren’t.  
Like they had already said themselves, they were barely a person to begin with.   
And even if they’d humour themselves and pretend, they certainly weren’t what humans would call a good person.

Ed had apparently noticed that something was off, because he’d turned around and walked over to them. He placed a hand on their shoulder.   
„Hey! Don’t cry. It’s okay! He doesn’t know.“, Ed tried to reassure them quietly, „he doesn’t understand.“ 

Envy took another step back, averting their eyes. „He understands. He’s not wrong about anything he was saying.“ 

After throwing what they could only imagine had been an angry glance at Al, he tried to reach out to Envy again, but they pushed his hand away. 

„Envy please. You’ve saved my life. You’ve done so many stupid little things that you wouldn’t have done if you were just a ruthless killer. You made me breakfast. You spared Roy and Riza. You got really upset at me when I said I gave up my Alchemy.“ Ed let his voice drop to a whisper. „You care about people, and not just me for that matter, and I know it. It doesn’t really matter what Al thinks.“ 

Saved Ed? They killed one of his friends doing that.   
Made him breakfast? Now that was grasping at straws.   
Spared Roy and Riza? Debatable as well.   
And how was them getting upset at Ed a good thing anyway? They had lashed out. 

They tried to say any of their thoughts out loud, but all that came out of their mouth was a gross, wet, sob.   
Pathetic.  
They wanted to just be quiet, if speaking wasn’t working, but it had truly been like a dam inside them had broken.

„I’m—“, they somehow managed to get out, “—sorry“   
Edward looked equally as devastated as they felt.   
„Shh.“ He gently wrapped his arms around them but it just made it worse.

„I’ll be upstairs.“ Pinako muttered, grabbing Winry by the sleeve and pulling her out of the room with her. 

Envy tried to shove Ed away, but he didn’t even budge. Not even with all of the extra force and weight Envy had.   
„It’s okay!“ Ed said, again and again.   
„It’s okay. Don’t apologise. You didn’t decide any of that.“ 

Envy managed to catch a few breaths in between sobs.   
Al had walked a little closer as well, and while Envy avoided looking at him, they did notice that he seemed a little apprehensive. 

Ed, however, did look at his brother.   
„Thanks, Al. Really helpful. We could have talked like normal people.“   
Envy shook their head, fast enough to sent a stray teardrop flying. „No, he was right.“

They wiped their face, took a deep breath and gently shimmied out of Ed’s grasp.   
„I know you’re worried about your brother.“, they said, directed at Al, but still without looking him in the eye. „You have every right to be.“ 

Al, clearly surprised that Envy had agreed with him, made an uncertain sound. „Uh, well, I.“  
He sighed, resignated. „I should probably trust you.“, he said, looking at Ed. „I’m still not sure about you though. I won’t let you hurt Ed.“ 

„Gotcha. I won’t.“ Envy looked up at Al, then back at Ed, who smiled at them.  
That was all they could have asked for.   
Things were going to get better in time, if they worked on them.  
They finally had things to work on again.  
A future.


End file.
